I know now that my mother is a narcissist. But before I was aware , I remember being told that my dear Aunt J was going to move in with my mum and dad following my uncle's death. I was horrified, but as her sons were useless selfish arseholes, there was little I could do. She had Alzheimer's and tonights emmerdale has made me see how awful it must have been for her. Especially as my mum had not bothered to find oh what her care needs would be before agreeing. She'd both her parents and naïvely thought it would be the same. They were bed bound and it was a lot more cleaning and bed changing. Plus is was 20 odd years previous. Mum doesn't do well with conditions of the mind, be it learning disabilities, neurons conditions or mental illness. She does not seem to listen to what she's been told. I feel so sad, my poor Aunt wanted to collect up the leaves off of the back lawn, but I mum went mad at her, why? Because she had her slippers on and might walk cat poo in the house. Really???!!!! Could she not just help the poor woman put on some wellies and a coat and watch her when she came back in. Let the poor woman have some bloody joy. Oh no mustn't mess up the precious decking floor! Ohio wish I had spoken out. I also remember my mum complaining that my aunt smelt, it got to the point where mum was carrying a deodorant around and spraying my poor aunt when her back was turned, it felt so disrespectful. She just moaned about how awful it was looking after her, how hard it was on her, nevermind what my aunt was going through. She also was never kind, if my aunt repeated herself , mum would snap at her " You just asked me that !!!" Why can't she stop repeating herself she would moan and I wanted to scream at her " you fucking know why, she can't fucking help it leave her the fuck alone" I so wish I did now!!! She didn't know who I was and thankfully she was not as aggressive as Ashley was in Emmerdale. But I remember her holding DS who had just been born and thinking I was my mum. She hadn't herself anymore, J disappeared. J was feisty and kind and loving, but a bit bonkers and I will always remember a photo we have of Christmas , she's sat on her husband (my wonderful uncle's) knee laughing.
That all sounds awfully sad but I think you would do well to consider the burden caring for your aunt and grandparents (as well as her own family I imagine) placed on your mother. She sounds as if she was at the end of her tether tbh.