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(15 Posts)
Babydontcry Tue 20-Dec-16 19:31:58

I have been in a relationship with DP for just over 5 years we have a 5 month old DS. From my point of view this year had been amazing (birth of DS) but also very difficult ( DP dad died we have both had problems at work). We haven't been getting on for the year but it seems to have got worse and worse. I've pretty much daily felt ignored by DP, and if I try to ask more than one sentence when he gets home he looks at me like I'm an idiot or sighs. I know he works hard so day to day I don't ask him to do anything. But he won't even do specific jobs I've asked on a day off, for six weeks I asked him to put a piece of DS furniture together he hasn't.

A week tomorrow we had the same old argument about him ignoring me, me feeling unloved and unhappy, dp, looked at me like I was something on the bottom of his shoe when I asked about his day. I suggested in anger I should stay at my mums and he agreed. So I've been at my mums since then. We had NC in over the first 24 hours he eventually sent a text but that was after my DSD text asking my him not to ignore me, in the days since I've had about another handful. Our only face to face contact was two days ago, he asked me and DS to go home, I suggested that we needed to look at how we were both going to do things differently and what he needed. He asked for two days a week and off so he could go out or play games. No mention of how to improve things between us, even though I acknowledged I had not prioritised him and that my parents agreed to babysit once a week so we could spend time together. He also acknowledged he wasn't ' thrilled' about me being pregnant and hasn't seen his DS since I left and hasn't asked about him. When I asked how we will manage when I go back to work for thirty hours a week, he said it will be chaos, no suggestion of how to step up and help. For over an hour I asked him several times what he might offer back if he gets his nights off, I was clear I just want him to talk to me as I feel lonely and spend time with his son. I also asked for some help with housework on my days at work. Last night I left things suggesting that we both thought about what the other had said. Last night I got a text saying his year had been hard and so was work and finally acknowledging that he hasn't been helping or very nice to me. I replied acknowledging he has had a tough year and that I hoped he'd get a job that made him happy in the new year, I again asked what he thought he could do differently. It's now 24 hours nearly, no reply, no asking no how his son is, no arranging to see him (which I suggested!). I love him but don't like him at the mo. Do I go back and give this ago as he has asked or should I call it a day?

Babydontcry Tue 20-Dec-16 19:32:32

Sorry this is so long

Arfarfanarf Tue 20-Dec-16 19:35:53

It sounds like he wants out but is too gutless to say it and is using the age old trick of being a total cunt to you until you leave. Then he can be the man whose partner left him and therefore not the bad guy.

Babydontcry Tue 20-Dec-16 19:45:56

Thank you arf for replying so quickly. You've hit my gut feeling on the head. I did say to him if he didn't want us there that I would be ok as my mum and SD have said we can stay there until I can save up some money. He then came back with I could sell the car (if was a gift from my family member but he uses it as I don't drive (I was learning)) and use that.

Arfarfanarf Tue 20-Dec-16 21:00:00

Yeah. I think it's pretty clear

Im sorry.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Dec-16 21:04:33

Tell him to Get to Fuck

You don't need a dick like that in your life. There are some circumstances where it is better to go it alone. This is one of them.

RandomMess Tue 20-Dec-16 21:07:37

Yep he sounds gutless and wanting the easy life of being single.

sad for you

Babydontcry Tue 20-Dec-16 21:45:51

Sorry replies weren't showing up on menu so didn't reply, not wanted to hear but not surprised thank you.

scottishdiem Tue 20-Dec-16 21:58:10

Was he different before the baby and his dad dying? He is not exactly fighting to keep you all together but I wonder if his dad dying has had a greater impact than perhaps he acknowledges. If things were on the downward slope before that then perhaps not but if this is all in the last several months he may not be in the right place.

ThePeoplesChamp Tue 20-Dec-16 22:17:51

Youve said you feel ignored and unloved and ...... He asked for two days a week and off so he could go out or play games.

Give him the rest of his life off, sounds like you'll be better for it. Sorry OP.

Any just because I'm curious as to what could be so important / better than being with his family. What 'games'??????

Babydontcry Wed 21-Dec-16 08:07:07

Hi Scottish,
Things weren't great before but things have deteriorated since his dad died and even more so in the Last couple of months.

Babydontcry Wed 21-Dec-16 08:09:08

Peoples I'm not even sure he has a particular game in mind, but gave it as an example of what he would do on a night off if he didn't go out.

ARV1981 Wed 21-Dec-16 09:05:40

It doesn't sound very fair. I don't suppose he'd offer you two nights off a week so you can go out or play games?

He doesn't sound very good as a husband or father.

TheNaze73 Wed 21-Dec-16 09:11:29

Don't put up with that.

He's a spineless twat for trying to get you to end it. He's not into it or you.

You deserve better

CalleighDoodle Wed 21-Dec-16 09:46:43

What a childish wanker.

He didnt acknowledge youve had a difficult year, just him. He wants time off being a parent and partner. But didnt offer you any. He expects you working and doing all the childrearing and housework will be difficult, but wont offer any help. He is not a keeper.

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