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DH unemployed, how to cope?

(22 Posts)
80sWaistcoat Tue 20-Dec-16 19:11:31

DH has given up Hugh status high paid job, he's mid 50s.

It was probably a mistake...

He's a workaholic. He doesn't know what to with himself and I don't know what to do with him. I can't see him finding anything similar.

It's just really hard, money ok at mo, and I earn a decent salary, but what happens next?

VoyageOfDad Tue 20-Dec-16 19:20:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji Tue 20-Dec-16 19:23:44

Did something happen at work?
Could he be depressed or reaching his limit?
Could he volunteer in an area that he's good at?

Chottie Tue 20-Dec-16 19:24:50

He probably needs some time to decompress and take stock. I would step back and allow him to come to terms with the changes in his life and plan his future.

80ssWaistcoat Tue 20-Dec-16 20:17:28

So crying and saying you'll never work again, not so useful then?

Thought not.

6demandingchildren Tue 20-Dec-16 20:18:28

Life is too previous to be wasted in a job you don't like

PenguindreamsofDraco Tue 20-Dec-16 20:29:09

You could start up a fashion line? Or are you not SamCam?

80ssWaistcoat Tue 20-Dec-16 20:59:13

Sadly not Sam cam, no fashion contacts at all.

Newbrummie Tue 20-Dec-16 21:31:23

Keep an eye on him, my ex rewarded my becoming the bread winner by treating himself to an affair to cheer himself up. The devil finds work for idol hands and all that

80ssWaistcoat Tue 20-Dec-16 21:49:38

At least it would keep him occupied. Having a mid life crisis is ok, jacking in any means of paying for it seems thoughtless.

Colourmylife1 Tue 20-Dec-16 21:55:27

80s I know that was a flippant comment but I found it a bit insensitive on the Relationship thread where so many of us are struggling with the aftermath of affairs. Sorry, I probably am being over-sensitive.

Newbrummie Tue 20-Dec-16 21:55:50

I can't say is be impressed. Would you consider ltb ?? It's just selfish isn't it ?

PaperdollCartoon Tue 20-Dec-16 21:57:01

Why did he leave his job?

flossietoot Tue 20-Dec-16 21:58:32

Can he join a charity board?? There are lots of charities I am sure would snap him up! Keeps his hand in something and you never know where it might lead

80ssWaistcoat Tue 20-Dec-16 22:10:35

Sorry, wasn't meaning to be insensitive.

IhatchedaSnorlax Tue 20-Dec-16 22:28:38

Op, your name has changed slightly - did you realise?

Anyway, I'd say it sounds like he needs to take time to take stock & refresh & then depending on what he did, could he move into consultancy in his field? Presumably if he were high flying, then he'll have decent contacts to help or connections to get another job.

Evergreen17 Wed 21-Dec-16 07:05:24

Money is ok and you have a decent salary.
So if your DH is a workaholic and has taken this decision he must have his reasons.
What are you concerned about? That you cant afford the same life anymore? Maybe money is not all when you are already ok for it!

CheddarGorgeous Wed 21-Dec-16 07:50:24

Give him a bit of time to decompress.

Try to make sure he keeps physically active.

Suggest he reinvents himself as a consultant?

Or signs up with an exec search agency.

NED, Board or trustee positions are also good for keeping in the game.

80sWaistcoat Wed 21-Dec-16 11:53:53

Yep - was trying to name change at start of thread and failed!

Thank you for the ideas - I see that I have to give him time - both of us - time to adjust.

He will get something - though it will be hard where we live and if we move then I'll find it really difficult to get a job. And neither of us really want to move.

2rebecca Wed 21-Dec-16 12:26:08

Did he not have some sort of a plan? If he's bright enough to have a high paid job it sounds odd that he took early retirement without thinking it through.
If the money is OK at the moment and he planned to retire what exactly is really hard about it all?
Did he just have a hissy fit at work one day and say "stuff your job" and now regrets it?

MatildaTheCat Wed 21-Dec-16 12:53:02

Sitting around crying suggests depression. Did he have a clear plan for early retirement which has now happened or did he get unable to cope and walk away? Many people go through a difficult adjustment period but if he is depressed he should see his GP, perhaps with you so you can support him and hear any suggestions if he'd allow this.

Is he getting out? He is presumably used to a lot of human contact so needs to be out and interacting with others. As suggested above, volunteering in almost any capacity is fantastic. There much more out there than charity shops. Whatever interests him will have a voluntary sector. Getting or borrowing a dog to walk is the best therapy ever: exercise, doggy love and tons of friendly walkers.

He needs to gradually find his new way of life. It will take time and may involve a less pressured but more enjoyable job with fewer hours. But life does need to be filled and most of us need some routine. Start by considering his health both mental and physical.

Best wishes.

80sWaistcoat Wed 21-Dec-16 14:18:23

He's not sitting around crying - I am!

I like the dog walking idea - that's genius.

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