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How to get through xmas when you know its likley to be the last

(16 Posts)
user1479305498 Tue 20-Dec-16 18:23:13

well after months of knowing far too much Whatsapping was going on between my DH and our assistant (we work together) all deleted (but I know how often, just dont know content) , I appear to have a scenario where I taped a conversation today between them where he clearly took her shopping on Saturday to out of town centre when I didnt want to go. (it was most certainly never mentioned or asked) I just had a very odd gut feeling and hence when she was in today taped on my phone discretely, whilst I nipped out for half an hour. Nothing else dodgy inthe coversation but for me the secrecy and lying is just awful after 20 years. She also asked him if everything was ok and he said yes but in a "meh" kind of way. Please dont castigate me for snooping, I have a ton at stake including our livelihood (my job) and my home, as we rent. Problem for me is I am now going to have to get through xmas and New Year knowing all this as our son is with us (18) anyone have any tricks for appearing jolly and "normal" whilst feeling like murdering DH. I feel like serving up pretty wrapped divorce papers!! if it wasnt for son and in laws being there and ruining their christmas.

TheNaze73 Tue 20-Dec-16 18:24:57

I can't read this with all the lines crossing through it. As for the end bit. Just do it

nottinghamgal Tue 20-Dec-16 18:25:15

Hey user, might be best posting on relationship board. Will be lots of advice on there.

I would in my mind start planning to leave, if you know that you are inside ready then maybe you can force the smile on the outside

nottinghamgal Tue 20-Dec-16 18:25:56

sorry this is in relationships, thought I was in chat!!

IsNotGold Tue 20-Dec-16 18:32:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekyWombat Tue 20-Dec-16 18:46:56

Surely the first step has to be talking to him?

He took her shopping without inviting or telling you. That suggests he might have a crush on her, it doesn't really indicate her feelings or intentions or if anything else has happened.

Is it really worth sorting the Den and Angie dramatic gesture when all you know is that? Is there more to your concerns OP?

Esoteric Tue 20-Dec-16 19:46:57

Ah, I'm the OP but appear to have more than one username!! Not sure why it has all the lines crossed through it!! Long story that's been going on since summer, but basically way too much texting initially, I picked it up off phone bills, that seems to have moved to Whatsapp, won't go into how (and it's not phone spyware) but although I can't see the messages, I can see times and how long and how much , so it's still going on. Was told initially on texts it was all just rubbish chit chat, she is a very texty person(which I know she is) she is a single mum, not unattractive and gets to go on tours with him quite a lot. To be honest we have always had quite a strong but slight,y volatile relationship, he gets angry easily at lots of things in life and I seem to get the brunt of it, even on stuff that's nothing to do with me. To find out he actually took them shopping without my say so or knowledge to me is just bloody awful and in front of be today he said he went shopping to xyz, she bloody well knows this, she went too!! I am sizzling but don't want to ruin Christmas. I think a big issue is our sex life, I've been menopausal last few years and to be honest just felt like it rarely, and I'm not naturally a hugs/handholding kind of person , I am kind and show I care in what I do, just not very physical, this person is the opposite. My gut says it's not good, my head says I partly understand why he might seek out affection and an ego boost, my heart says 'fuck off'. , anyone else understand this. I am furious at both of them. She works in my house!

Esoteric Tue 20-Dec-16 19:48:04

Should say, in front of us both today

abbsisspartacus Tue 20-Dec-16 19:52:13

is the business joint? how are you going to separate it all?

IsNotGold Tue 20-Dec-16 22:21:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stewart2017 Wed 21-Dec-16 23:10:29

WhatsApp I thought was just a secure messaging system like text messages. What is being discussed is audio, so effectively recording telephone discussions you mean?

Defo sit down and discuss with partner calmly. 2 sides to a story so don't dive is unless solid evidence

IsNotGold Thu 22-Dec-16 08:03:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatdoidonowffs Thu 22-Dec-16 08:11:39

I would love to know how you check the whatsapp usage on me if possible

whatdoidonowffs Thu 22-Dec-16 09:34:31

Pm sorry

overthehillandroundthemountain Thu 22-Dec-16 09:38:18

Just talk to him! All the secrecy and hush hush is making it worse. Just talk. As for the last Christmas together (I thought from your title you meant that one of you was dying! So maybe things are not so bad....)... I am enjoying the mental planning of what my Christmas will look like in years to come. It has possibly made this Christmas the best one for a long time!

Good luck, OP.

IsNotGold Thu 22-Dec-16 11:39:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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