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Tidy verses untidy

(15 Posts)
Heatherjayne1972 Tue 20-Dec-16 16:50:56

Can it ever work in a relationship?
If one is super tidy and organised and the other not so much Or is there always going to be someone getting stressed and annoyed

FetchezLaVache Tue 20-Dec-16 17:06:05

I'm guessing you're the tidy one, OP? I am the "not so much" one. DP is beyond super tidy! The man is obsessed with cleanliness. "Neat and tidy" is his mantra.

It works because I try hard to be less of a slob and he tries hard to accept that I'll always be a bit of one, whilst trying hard to help me get systems in place etc. For instance, he went halves with me on a dishwasher (even though he doesn't live with me) to make it easier for me to keep my kitchen in a semi-reasonable state most of the time.

I much prefer it now that my house isn't a complete embarrassment all of the time. That said, it pisses me off that he makes a bee-line for the cleaning cupboard within seconds of arriving!

Bobkinyoyo Tue 20-Dec-16 17:10:24

My dp is tidy and I'm not. At all.

We rub along fine smile

AmberEars Tue 20-Dec-16 17:14:28

My DH is naturally tidier than me but I have gradually converted him over the years smile

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Tue 20-Dec-16 17:15:12

He's tidy, I'm not. We have occasional bust ups over my latest floordrobe or piles of stuff. I flounce, tidy it up, apologise and try harder. It just means longer between piles as opposed to them not appearing.....

However he couldn't close a cupboard door until this week, when the dog swiped a bag of treats after he left it open as usual. He's started closing them.

Borisrules Tue 20-Dec-16 17:16:03

DH is untidy. It's the only thing we argue about. He has a compete inability to put anything away... EVER...

MouldyPeach Tue 20-Dec-16 17:17:50

It depends if everything else in your relationship is ok. If things aren't good the tidy/untidiness can become a bigger issue than it really is, masquerading as other, hidden, problems. IME it is a whole lot easier to deal with when you love and cherish the person and feel the same in return.

Heatherjayne1972 Tue 20-Dec-16 17:30:02

I'm the untidy one. It just doesn't bother me He is super tidy but gets stressed if things aren't tidy enough while I get stressed because he's stressing about the house being 'dirty' it's not dirty it's just not up to his OCD standards
I've asked him to chill out while doing my best to be tidier
But oh the stress of being someone I'm not

taptonaria27 Tue 20-Dec-16 17:38:50

When things are fine it's fine (he's tidy I'm not but as I'm the sahm it's my "job" to keep the place tidy.)
When things are not fine it's fucking annoying!

Destinysdaughter Tue 20-Dec-16 17:42:38

I'm pretty untidy and most of my partners have been mega tidy, bordering on OCD, It causes massive problems IME. Best solution is just to not live together!fsmile

TheNaze73 Tue 20-Dec-16 19:11:18

I think the stress is equal whatever side of the fence you are on.

Greypaw Tue 20-Dec-16 20:36:01

He is mega, mega tidy. This is a guy who has built an entire career and professional reputation on being super organised. Things like books and clothes are arranged not just by type, but by colour within that type. He practises a system called "5S" in the kitchen when it comes to the tupperware. The dishwasher has a special cutlery-loading system to keep the unloading and sorting job at peak efficiency. Between us we have six children, yet people who have been to our house comment that there is no evidence of any children here at all.

If he's stressed, unhappy or under pressure, he can't cope with disorderliness and bangs around the house trying to put it all right. I've had to grow a very thick skin as I'm more - shall we say - the "creative" type. I don't care if things are out of place as long as I know where they are (which nine times out of ten I do), and I prioritise most things ahead of housework - if the beds aren't made or the breakfast stuff isn't tidied away before we leave for school, I prioritise being at school on time above doing stuff in the 'right' order and being late. He wouldn't - he would get there late (and angry) but have ensured everything is correct at home.

It's hard not to walk on eggshells, but I've accepted now that he has unrealistic expectations and I could spend all day cleaning (NO) but he could still be grumpy and unsettled because, I dunno, the skirting board wasn't as polished enough as it could have been, or something.

So I just figure I'll do things to my standards (higher now since I've been with him as I do believe in meeting half way) and if he gets grumpy I ignore or go out and let him get on with it. But at times I feel myself getting angry because there seems to a special kind of arrogance that goes with his self-labelled perfectionism, and that assumption is this: tidiness equals perfection, and perfection is, by definition, the best thing to be. Therefore being anything less than ordered and tidy is a failure.

I ended up calling bullshit on that, because it's not how I define perfection and he doesn't get to pull rank on the definition. Things standing to attention make me uncomfortable. Having no sign of children around makes me sad and slightly creeped out. I like to come home and see the lego set my son has left on the table, or the drawings my daughter has been sorting out on the sitting room floor. I like the signs of their life and creativity around me, and I like settling down to study or talk to a client than I like polishing the windows every morning (as he has asked me to do).

Orderliness is only perfection in his world. In my world, perfection is clutter. So I've got less cluttery, and he's tried to chill out. One day, I hope to feel comfortable in my own home. I suspect he hopes for the same.

herwegoagain123 Tue 20-Dec-16 23:19:25

in my opinion it is far more relaxing for everyone to be realistic and he just isn't he's OCD probably. I totally agree with you. There are more important things than a tidy cutlery drawer. Screams low self esteem control to me. Poor kids.

AmberEars Wed 21-Dec-16 15:33:55

Polishing the windows every morning shock

Well done Greypaw it sounds like you cope with him really well!

jeaux90 Wed 21-Dec-16 16:01:08

My sister is super messy and my lovely brother in law is OCD. This is going to sounds a bit nuts but they ended up moving house. Mainly because then she could have an office space he could close the door on and not see the mess. And also got her a walk in closet that he didn't have to open.

The shared spaces are kept tidy.

I think they would have ended up divorcing otherwise. Seriously!

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