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How long after separation is a new relationship acceptable?

(13 Posts)
StonedBingo Tue 20-Dec-16 16:34:49

My DH and I officially separated 2 months ago, ie. I moved out, we told our DC and friends/family. In reality, we'd both agreed it was the end months before that but it took us a while to agree the way forward.

I am now tentatively seeing someone I've been quite close friends with for several years. I know it's soon and neither of us are ready to 'go public' at the moment (we have lots of mutual friends) but I can't help wondering what people think would be an acceptable amount of time before we can stop 'creeping around' and worrying about being seen together.

Spottytop1 Tue 20-Dec-16 16:37:55

When you feel ready - it doesn't matter what others think, they aren't living your life.

I met my partner 4 months after my ex & I had 'officially' separated - but like you we had been over for longer but it wasn't ' announced'.

sunshine2014 Tue 20-Dec-16 16:38:57

It's down to you and your new partner. Who needs friends and family who judge them?! Good luck with your new life.

AmberEars Tue 20-Dec-16 16:41:02

Is it possible that your ex-DH would think that your new partner is part of the reason for the split? If so I think you need to consider his feelings.

KatelovesJames Tue 20-Dec-16 16:45:03

I got together with dp three months after my separation (he's been my best friend for years) but we didn't tell people until January (a year after I left exh).

RatherBeRiding Tue 20-Dec-16 16:55:41

If your STBX isn't going to kick off about it and make things awkward then no need to keep it a secret. Like you say, it was over ages ago.

m17362772 Tue 20-Dec-16 17:00:28

Any time is acceptable to you but it may cause problems with the ex so soon. why not just take it slowly, have some fun and see how it goes.

2 months is too soon for DC in my opinion especially if they are young.

mrsm43s Tue 20-Dec-16 17:12:08

It really depends on your family situation. Children really shouldn't be meeting a new partner until it's a full on well established relationship that is likely to be long term - in my book, I'd want to be with someone at least a year before I'd consider introducing them to children.

Splitting up with your partner was likely to have been distressing for the children, who really deserve to be put first. Its in their best interests to build a good co-parenting relationship with your ex - there's a good chance that introducing a new partner into the mix is likely to interfere with that and sour relations, I'd personally be concentrating on supporting the children through this, and not concentrating on new relationships to be honest.

Finally, mutual friends may well be uncomfortable with a new partner that appears extremely quickly on the scene, it may lead to split loyalties, so don't expect to just "swap out" your DH with a new partner and for your social life to continue just the same.

Difficultyear2015 Tue 20-Dec-16 17:27:32

I left my exh august 2015.
Officially started dating October 31st 2015.
Moved in with new guy march 2016.
Found out we were expecting a baby October 2016.

Everyone happy for us.
If anyone isn't happy about it, they aren't worth my time

MissWillaCather Tue 20-Dec-16 17:28:10

For me, any time, for ex, never 😀

SillySongsWithLarry Tue 20-Dec-16 17:39:30

I started dating DH three weeks after separating from ExH. He is a friend of 10 years and I should have had the courage to leave ExH for DH before we were married but was too scared to rock the boat as the wedding was planned. ExH had an OW and moved straight in with her so I had nothing to hang around for. Years later and we a lot both with the same respective partners but happily co parenting and both so happy so it all ended well.

TheNaze73 Tue 20-Dec-16 18:37:50

Only you can answer that OP.

I waited 3 years as I had children & needed to be sure

madamehooch Tue 20-Dec-16 18:45:49

Depends on how mutual the split was. If you're still married then technically you are guilty of adultery if you sleep with anyone else. I just think you should formalise the end of your old relationship before you start a new one.

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