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Lost the love of my life. Will the pain ever heal?

(3 Posts)
Smith2010 Tue 20-Dec-16 06:33:20


Feeling so lost and alone and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. My husband left me a few weeks ago after a silly little argument. We have been together for 17 years and since I was 16 so he was literally the love of my life and only ever love. He said a year ago that he didn't love me anymore but after lots of discussions and moving house he wanted to try again (probably stupid me) but this silly argument he says has dragged up old feelings and has now said he wants nothing to do with me. I'm so confused, hurt, angry!!!! I am paranoid about every woman he comes in contact with and the jealousy is literally eating me up and I make stories up in my head! Is this normal?
I have a lot of family around me but I have always been the strong one and the one they come too so I'm so scared to show any weakness, my good circle of friends all disappeared when we got together so apart from the odd school mum I feel there is no one to talk to (hence me coming here)
We have a 6 year old too who seems to be taking things all in her stride which is great but struggle so so much when she is away from me (first time was last weekend and it was horrid!)
I just don't know where to start to build my life again and didn't know if anyone has some advise/words of wisdom? He seems so happy and chilled and I feel an absolute mess 😭

jeaux90 Tue 20-Dec-16 08:03:00

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Your family and friends. You do need to tell someone that you aren't coping very well. In honesty they will be half expecting this I imagine because it's very hard to hold it together under such difficult circumstances. So firstly get some support in real life.

Secondly you are probably obsessing a bit? Your mind turning and turning it all over? Thinking about who he might be with etc. If this is the case then I recommend you reading the power of now. It teaches you how to switch that off and take pleasure in what you are doing at that moment.

Thirdly, be kind to yourself. Stay off the booze, have baths, try and smile at people. Simple things. Try and go out, have a coffee with friends even though you feel like you are wrapped in cling film and life is muffled.

Lastly, the pain will subside but let yourself feel it, it's part of the process and won't kill you.

Big hug, keep talking xxx

RiceCrispieTreats Tue 20-Dec-16 08:05:38

You'll be fine.

It will be hugely painful for a while as you adjust to your world being turned upside down, but eventually the pain will heal and you will find yourself in a new life that you will love just as much as the old one.

But it will take time and it won't be easy. I'm afraid there are no shortcuts. Be very knd to yourself, take care of your body (healthy food, sleep, and exercise), take care of your soul (surround yourself with good friends, plenty of distractions, and a psychotherapist), and when you feel a little bit stronger, make it your project to rediscover yourself and what you want from life.

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