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Boyfriend kissed two girls just before we got together but were talking

(22 Posts)
susanpotter Tue 20-Dec-16 00:26:45

I found out that my boyfriend kissed two girls on the same night at a party 2 weeks before he asked me to be his girlfriend. We've been together 5 years now. We started talking two months before we made it official, talking everyday, sending kisses and hearts and hanging out. Nothing ever happened but we both kinda knew we were gunna get together.
I don't know if i'm wrong to be upset about this, because we technically were not together but we were just waiting for it to happen... and then two weeks after kissing two girls he asked me to be his girlfriend...

Looking back at our messages, before he left to go to the party he sent a heart and I sent one back, sounds stupid but just makes me sad to think then he kissed two girls that night. And then the next day asked me if I wanted to hang out- again nothing ever happened until we got into a relationship.

Now looking back I feel like such an idiot because he was out kissing other girls while talking to me... If i knew he had kissed other girls i would not have got into a relationship.

So i'm not sure how i should feel....

MadHattersWineParty Tue 20-Dec-16 00:40:20

Really?!?

But, you weren't going out were you. If nothing untoward has happened since then you'll really need to move past this to honest. It was five years ago. It's silly to be hung up on it now.

And are you seriouslyable to look up his messages from five years back confused and how do you mean you 'found out'? Do you just mean he told you?

This isn't a reverse post, is it hmm

ScarletForYa Tue 20-Dec-16 00:43:45

You still have texts from five years ago!!!???fshock

babymouse Tue 20-Dec-16 00:56:56

Let it go. It is ridiculous to discount the past five years of your relationship for something that happened before you were dating. It is unreasonable to expect monogamy before you were dating. And he ended up with you that should count for something. ;)

Ohdearducks Tue 20-Dec-16 01:05:52

Ffs is this real? You sound 13.

GiddyOnZackHunt Tue 20-Dec-16 01:07:43

Are you 20?
Seriously he tried a couple of girls and picked you. Five years later and you're obsessing over a free snog? My DH had actual sex with people I know before we got together. One of them came to our wedding and is one of my oldest friends

CaoNiMerrilyOnHigh Tue 20-Dec-16 07:50:51

What sort of age group are we talking about here?

I think it's probably best not to think too much about it, to be honest. It all sounds quite petty.

PeggyMitchell123 Tue 20-Dec-16 07:53:29

I think you need to let it go! A. You were not together so he could kiss who he likes and B. It was 5 years ago!

He chose you and you have had 5 years together happily, what does it matter what he did before.

P1nkP0ppy Tue 20-Dec-16 07:54:27

You sound like a 15 year old.

I presume schools have broken up.

IfartInYourGeneralDirection Tue 20-Dec-16 07:54:38

Crikey, let it fucking go.

GetTheeBehindMeSanta Tue 20-Dec-16 07:59:37

He kissed girls. That's what single boys do.

You should feel nothing.

AverageJosephine Tue 20-Dec-16 08:01:16

I can understand that OP. In your mind you guys were pretty much together even if it wasn't official. I'd be feeling that if he was that into me why did he have to go snogging a bunch of other people. You wouldn't have because you were mad about him and only had him on your mind.

Was he quite young at the time? Also, I'd say he did really really want to be with you but didn't associate that with the stuff he did at the night of the party, it was meaningless to him. Even if you wouldn't have in the same circumstances. You are probably seeing it for more than it is.

AverageJosephine Tue 20-Dec-16 08:02:34

Oh and the poster who said 'you should feel nothing'hmm

DeleteOrDecay Tue 20-Dec-16 08:12:16

Yes let it go.

When me and dp were at the talking but not quite dating stage some years ago, I kissed another guy and found myself in a sort of FEB situation but not quite. It was at a stage where I wasn't quite sure where I was going with either of them, plus the fact that I was young and inexperienced when it came to relationships.

Me and dp are still going strong and that other guy means absolutely nothing to me now which says it all.

Op you can't help how you feel but you should try to take steps to come to terms with it and realise that in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter. Don't let this ruin Christmas for you.

kilmuir Tue 20-Dec-16 08:14:25

You can't change what happened. You weren't in a relationship as such. Don't over think it.

Joysmum Tue 20-Dec-16 08:16:12

So let me get this straight...

You both were single but not only that nothing had even happened between you and there were no guarantees you'd even hook up once, let alone get to the stage you were going to be exclusive! confused

Lessthanaballpark Tue 20-Dec-16 08:19:13

What does it matter how old the OP is or sounds? If she's young and posting here for advice from older women is there anything wrong with that.

OP at the beginning of relationships people are strategic about each other and not everyone falls head over heels at once. But 5 years suggests that he is serious about you so I would let it go and remind him constantly that out of the three girls he certainly made the wise choice fsmile

Bluntness100 Tue 20-Dec-16 08:24:53

I'd agree, I'm sorry, this has been a five year relationship and now you're obsessing over what he did before it started and saying you wouldn't have got into the relationship if you'd known.

I think maybe you need to seek some help, councilling or something as this really isn't normal. Is there other problems in the relationship? Are you looking for an out?

GinIsIn Tue 20-Dec-16 08:27:36

If it doesn't work out, you and this bloke would make a lovely couple.... hmm. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2807410-Need-advice-to-get-over-the-fact-that-my-girlfriend-got-an-ex-boyfriend

Arfarfanarf Tue 20-Dec-16 08:37:53

Feel?
He kissed people before you were a couple.
There isnt anything to feel.

Sort of knowing you were going to get together does not mean you were an item or owed one another anything.
Sort of knowing doesnt even sound like any sort of conversation.

It sounds like you were flirting.

Well, he was doing the same with others.

That's what you do when you're single

My god, when i was single i was out with one bloke on a friday and another on a saturday. It's perfectly fine.

I dont understand what 'waiting for it to happen' means. You either talk about it, make an agreement to be dating or you dont. What's with all the waiting and meangingful looks and psychic shit?

I can tell that in your mind he cheated on you but i think you have to accept that before you were together you were both free agents and owed one another nothing and all the kinda knowing you were gunna get together in the world doesnt mean you were together.

Focus on behaviour while he's owed you anything. Has he kissed anyone?

Minivaperviper Tue 20-Dec-16 09:25:05

What the other pps said, you were not official and after 5yrs with no indiscretions I think he is a safe bet.

It's what some people do when dating and single, I had something similar where I was seeing to guys consecutively. I told the one I liked more and he said he wasn't comfortable seeing me but didn't blame me as he knew I was a free agent. We started dating exclusively after that with no issues and were not bf gf for months after.

Never keep your eggs in one basket as they say.

TheNaze73 Tue 20-Dec-16 09:43:59

This can't be real???!

2/10 for effort

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