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Relationship advice.

(10 Posts)
FozzL3 Mon 19-Dec-16 12:43:48

I would like some advice, please. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, initially he said that he wanted marriage and children but then recently he says that marriage is too expensive (he earns a good wage) and that he will have a child but he feels that they are a burden and ruin your life. On top of this he has moved 700 miles away to work as he got made redundant and he really wanted this job. I am a bit dazed with what has happened lately. He says he still wants to grow old with me and loves me immensely. We were going to try and start a family next year and now he lives an hour and half away by plane. I am 38years old so I am panicking that I am running out of time. Has anyone been in a similar situation? I'm thinking that we can't really start a family with all this going on. Do I move on? Or can I make this work? I am not able to move with him as I started a funded masters at my work and am tied into the job for the next 3 years. I'm at a loss as what to do.

Happybunny19 Mon 19-Dec-16 13:52:30

He said he wanted the same as you and now doesn't. Please move on and don't waste any more time sacrificing your own desires op. It is incredibly selfish of him to string you along and then expect you to blindly follow whatever he wants now. I could handle the not wanting / not bothered about getting married, but the kids issue would be a deal breaker for me. Does it bother him what YOU want for your future or are his requirements paramount?

DarkNightDelight Mon 19-Dec-16 14:40:10

He's just upped and gone? Wow, from what you've written he doesn't seem that interested, is he coming to see you/making arrangements regularly to keep the relationship afloat?

Sounds like he's not that bothered sad

hellsbellsmelons Mon 19-Dec-16 14:43:03

Oh no.
Move on now.
You already realise time is running out for you.
Getting married in a registry office costs very very little so that's just crap.
Do you want to 'burden' him with a child?
I wouldn't.
He's basically telling you if you have a child he will think it a burden so he'll be expecting you to do everything!
Get out there and find someone local, who wants the same things you do.

ElspethFlashman Mon 19-Dec-16 14:47:36

He said...
He said...
He said...

Words are wind. Look at what he's DONE.

He's fucked off!

He wants to keep you around for the future. But you have much more pressing concerns.

You're right - you're running out of time. In 3 years you'll be 41 and I'm sure he'll still be prevaricating. Why not? He's in no hurry.

In the meantime you could have met someone else and had a baby!

FetchezLaVache Mon 19-Dec-16 14:47:41

He doesn't want children. Not yet. Or not with you.

Or both.

Are you OK with that?

MaryAll Mon 19-Dec-16 15:29:49

If you are focusing too much on what he says and not so much on what he actually does, you have a problem. If he loved you so much liek he says, would he have taken that job, or instead try to make it work in your current location? Would he feel all that insecure about starting a family? Food for thought ...

FozzL3 Mon 19-Dec-16 19:08:09

Thank you for your replies. You have all just clarified what i already know deep down. I now know what I need to do. Thank you for the advice.

TheNaze73 Mon 19-Dec-16 19:21:05

Glad you get it Fozz

All part of life's learning experience. Everyone has the right to change their mind & fair play to him for telling you he doesn't want the burden of marriage & children.

Look after number 1. If you want all that, bin him off

PutneyPandora Mon 19-Dec-16 23:31:22

Move on....children are only considered "a burden" if you don't actually want them. He doesn't want them. Don't waste any more of your precious time on this loser. Be selfish and put yourself first.

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