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Need advice to get over the fact that my girlfriend got an ex boyfriend

(67 Posts)
user1482142985 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:25:19

Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.

I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.

We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty.

Now we love each other a lot, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.
At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ).

But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.

I told her that i was thinking about all this and that it was bothered me since 1 month.
She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).

It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).

She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings.
After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.

The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).
I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible
Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.

SillyMoomin Mon 19-Dec-16 10:27:32

Think you just need to grow up

BlackSwan Mon 19-Dec-16 10:31:08

The fact is it does bother you that a girl is not a virgin. Is this for cultural reasons perhaps? What a shame this girl chose to be with you at all. You sound like a loser.

myoriginal3 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:32:03

Go and find yourself a virgin who you can fully own.

AyeAmarok Mon 19-Dec-16 10:33:25

Wind your neck in.

She had sex with a previous boyfriend. It's none of your business.

Stop being that guy.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Mon 19-Dec-16 10:35:04

What a douchebag, leave her and let her find someone who's not a pathetic loser with a virgin fixation!

Everyone has a past, even you I imagine!

Astro55 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:35:15

Wow!! Seriously get over yourself - you can't change it - move on - or let her go and find someone not so self obsessed -

Are you a virgin? Does she care? Have you actually slept together?

Happybunny19 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:41:38

You either need to grow up, accept that your gf is an individual in her own right with a past that didn't include you or break up now. You have no right to make her feel the need to apologise for something that is neither wrong or anything to do with you. Despite your protests you clearly do want a virgin, admit that to yourself. Quite frankly I don't care if that's cultural, it's still a controlling and sexist attitude.

You haven't mentioned your past though. Is she your first? Or does it only matter that she's pure or doesn't have anyone to compare you to.

With your grilling her, and speaking to her mum (yuck) you are bordering on abusive.

Branleuse Mon 19-Dec-16 10:44:39

stop making her feel guilty for her past. Most women will have a past

Underthemoonlight Mon 19-Dec-16 10:45:59

You need to grow up. As if your giving her shit for having lost her virgin without else when you weren't together

tinymeteor Mon 19-Dec-16 10:47:49

She has nothing to be sorry for, except perhaps putting up with your shit.

AyeAmarok Mon 19-Dec-16 10:48:05

and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).


MyWineTime Mon 19-Dec-16 10:49:35

You need to walk away. You don't love this woman and she deserves far better.
When you have grown up enough to realise that the world does not revolve around you then you can have another relationship.

00100001 Mon 19-Dec-16 10:54:04

OP stop being a prat.

I trust that you're a virgin?

She could have slept woth 50 men - it makes no difference

MyWineTime Mon 19-Dec-16 10:55:07

and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life
No regrets about my sex life - it's been fun and plentiful. Even the rubbish encounters taught me a lot!
I cannot think of anything worse than "preserving" myself for the love of my life.
And I would never have a conversation with my husband (and love of my life) in any detail about my sex life before we met.

UnexplainedOnHerCollar Mon 19-Dec-16 10:56:37

OP you have an attitude to women that is old-fashioned and unacceptable. A woman is a person, like you are. She doesn't belong to you and what she did in her own past is her own business.

If you want to get over this you need to completely change your attitude and realise it doesn't matter and love is not about how pure and preserved someone is when they meet you. How would you even know who the love of your life is so soon anyway? How could you two know at this point if you are the loves of each others's lives? I'm guessing the things that make you uncomfortable if she does/did them, are OK for you.

Women are of equal value to men and have equal rights to do what they like with their own bodies. The only problem here stems from your attitude. So change it.

gamerchick Mon 19-Dec-16 11:00:54

She could have slept with 3 times as many as you and it still wouldn't have been any of your bloody business.

You need to grow up. Let it go before she leaves you.

BdumBdummer Mon 19-Dec-16 11:00:53

No one here is going to understand your position. You are being childish.

WatchingFromTheWings Mon 19-Dec-16 11:02:34

and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life

Bollocks to that! Took me 34 years to find the love of my life. Wasn't going to 'preserve' myself in the meantime.

gamerchick Mon 19-Dec-16 11:03:02

Man it hurts my head to think that I should have waited until I was 34 before I got laid going on this persons views grin

GinIsIn Mon 19-Dec-16 11:07:13

If you are that childish you aren't mature enough to be in a relationship.

user1482142985 Mon 19-Dec-16 11:12:20

Thank for all your reply,
I don't judge her and I'll never, and I understand that it's her past and that it's none of my business, i just think that it's very regrettable that i came 6 month too late because she would never know this guy and I can't stop thinking about it.
For those who are asking; yes I lost my virginity with her

HotNatured Mon 19-Dec-16 11:14:09

Eugh you sound dreadful. What a load of utter bollocks to say that the majority would 'preserve' themselves, wtf hmm

I for one have had a wonderful array of lovers and I couldn't be happier about that grin

Your girlfriend has had sex with another guy, hell, she probably enjoyed it. Dry your eyes, stop your pity patter and get over yourself.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 19-Dec-16 11:14:11

She should not regret what she's done.
He was her boyfriend and she was old enough.
Are you a virgin?
Why is it 'hurting' you?
She's done nothing wrong.
She's not 'wronged you' in any way.
You need to seriously have a look at yourself.
Don't make her life a misery.
You either can get past it or you can't.
If you can't, then end it so she can find a real relationship with someone who doesn't judge her by her past actions.
If you can't leave the past in the past then you need to get yourself sorted out.
A good counsellor might be able to help you???

MrsDustyBusty Mon 19-Dec-16 11:15:58

Too late for what? For her to be a virgin? What difference would it make if she had been a virgin? Do you care if your other friends have had friends before you? Does that diminish your friendship? Are only first children in a family really valued?

Really, you have to stop being such a silly boy. If you want to continue having a relationship with this young woman you'd better smarten up your ideas.

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