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How can I get over this betrayal and move on

(7 Posts)
Maryannesingleton Mon 19-Dec-16 06:42:28

I'm struggling to get through each day right now. I wake up with a knot in my stomach and it never goes. My dr has doubled my antidepressant dose and given me sleeping tablets. I can't work or go out without crying.

I started divorce proceedings and moved out with dcs earlier in the year as my husband hadn't spoken to me for months and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. The sale on our house was about to exchange.

We settled into our new home and I was happy to be moving on with life. The house sale fell through and so stbxh was living there.

When his form e arrived, his employment details had changed. After a bit of digging, I found out that he had been made redundant a year previously. Just before this he had set up a company with a woman from work and I then found out that she was living with him in our house. I went to the house, her car was outside and he had changed the locks. I could see women's clothes through the window and horrible love notes all over my notice board.

I have been floored by this, how he could lie (by not saying anything) for so long and how he could do that to me after 15 years of marriage.

I am not proud to say that I called his mobile and work number many times when I found out to ask him why and what happened. He never picked up but sent me a solicitors letter telling me to stop harassing him or he would call the police.

Our financial case is going to court soon and he wants half the money from our house. I put in a large cash lump sum when we bought it which I had inherited from my grandparents. He has massive debts, 2 cars on finance and wants this paid. To cap it all, he is a qualified professional and now says that he is earning 20k a year and can't afford more maintainable.

As a last straw, I work at home so I am always there if dc need me. Stbx wants to see them more and more this holiday and when they are there they don't want to speak with me on the phone and come back quite hostil towards me.

It looks like I have lost everything, my solicitor says that the judge won't care about all of this and will just divide our property as needed.

I can't get through each day right now without crying and feeling this in the out of my stomach. I love dc more than anything in the world and we've always been so close. I'm about to lose everything and I have no hope.

jeaux90 Mon 19-Dec-16 08:22:24

Hey Mary I'm sorry you are going through this, I didn't want to read and run, I don't have experience of this in the uk. I split with mine in the gulf and it was horrendous so whilst you have my sympathy I have no practical advice. I hope others will be along soon.

In terms of where you are with the pain and betrayed though I know it hurts. Please accept that you might not ever get the answers and actually it doesn't matter. You need to be kind to yourself, and try and recover and focus on the kids. Go for counselling if you need to, I did and it helped me recover from the abuse and realise that none of it was my fault. The pain will ease over time I promise xxx

Naicehamshop Mon 19-Dec-16 08:38:36

What a selfish, cowardly apology for a man your STBXH is. I don't have any practical advice but stand strong in the knowledge that this is NOT your fault - don't let this pathetic individual drag you down.

Thinking of you. flowers

Maryannesingleton Mon 19-Dec-16 08:43:20

Thankyou both for your kind word, I'm so worried that he will manage to take everything that I have

Tiredbutnotyetretired Mon 19-Dec-16 13:18:03

He cant take your children though, everything else is just material things. flowers

jeaux90 Mon 19-Dec-16 15:33:15

He won't take everything you have. Your children, just keep showing them the love you always have despite the hostility. Hoping they feel they can talk to you if he is filling their heads with any rubbish.

Big hug.

Do you have any rl support? Friends and family? Xxx

Maryannesingleton Mon 19-Dec-16 17:40:31

Yes, I have friends around and lovely family an hour or so drive away. He sent an email today that he's also after half of the dc's time. I don't know why his woman wants too. I'll keep positive tho. Thanks for reading and taking time to reply lovely ladies

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