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I think I'm having some sort of midlife crisis

(12 Posts)
Imaloserbaby Sun 18-Dec-16 18:16:50

I've had quite a lot of bad news in the last year and have been feeling very down and anxious. I started counselling to help me come to terms with things and I've been feeling a lot better. Only I seem to have gone the other way acting recklessly and out of character, making stupid decisions and being a general idiot. Last night I got very drunk and tried to kiss a female friend. I have no idea what I was thinking, for a start I'm heterosexual and secondly married sad This latest bit of idiocy has made me realise I need to sort myself out.
I would discuss this with my counsellor but I seem to have developed a crush on her too, I feel deeply stupid and ashamed about this and I'm thinking of cancelling my next appointment because I can't deal with it.
Why am I acting like a complete idiot? I'm in my 40s not a teenager! Is this a midlife crisis? How do I sort myself out?

Please don't be horrible, I'm a regular poster but have named changed because I'm so ashamed.

QuiltedAloeVera Sun 18-Dec-16 18:25:20

Talk talk talk to your counselor. That's what you pay her for.
Feeling attracted to your counselor is really normal, she has definitely heard it from other people before and had specific training about it too.
It makes total sense, if you think about it. Your counselor listens attentively and kindly to everything you say, you can trust them with unbelievably intimate stuff... Your brain sees that side of things and thinks it's fallen in love.
Don't stop going, it will help you get your head straight.

Imaloserbaby Sun 18-Dec-16 18:35:26


I just can't talk to her about it. No way.

rumred Sun 18-Dec-16 18:42:24

Have you some repressed sexuality issue? It seems too much of a coincidence that you fancy a woman and snogged one, or tried to. Can you talk to any friends about all this? They might help you get perspective

Imaloserbaby Sun 18-Dec-16 18:59:20

I don't think so rumred. I guess I might not be 100% hetero but even so, I'm happily married so now's not the time to be exploring that side of me. I'm just acting like a complete dick at the moment for some reason.

Bagina Sun 18-Dec-16 19:30:23

Can't help much, but I think it's completely normal to act recklessly after a traumatic event. What happened? I had a decade of being "in the wilderness". Glad that my actions didn't have any long reaching consequences. I take it your friend was cool with it?

Aoibhe Sun 18-Dec-16 19:38:18

You're being very hard on yourself I think.
You got very drunk, so don't drink to that extent again. It's as simple as that.
Re fancying the counsellor, I'd imagine that it's very common and I'd agree with the reasons Quilted mentioned. I certainly wouldn't tell her though. I can't imagine that you'd be comfortable opening up to her again if you were to tell her that, no matter how professional she appears to deal with it.

Imaloserbaby Sun 18-Dec-16 19:48:35

It wasn't a traumatic event as such just a series of stressful and quite sad events. I don't want to say what because I've posted about it on here under my normal username and don't want to be identified.

My friend wasn't interested, I think she just thought it was funny, she was probably a bit drunk too. My god I feel embarrassed about it today though.

I just couldn't tell my counsellor how I feel, could you imagine how excruciatingly awkward that conversation would be? I yes I'd never be comfortable with her afterwards.

Aoibhe Sun 18-Dec-16 19:51:05

Maybe you could tell her that you're finding yourself attracted to other people recently, and explore reasoning behind this, maybe problems in your marriage etc? Although I'm someone who thinks it's perfectly normal and OK to fancy other people.

Kione Sun 18-Dec-16 19:54:29

Have you started antidepressants too? I acted like this when on AD's and alcohol.
Can you tell your counsellor about trying to kiss your friend? Not the crush? It might be a start to understand your feelings.

Imaloserbaby Sun 18-Dec-16 20:10:26

No not started on antidepressants, I'd just had a lot to drink and on an empty stomach.

I guess I could talk to my counsellor about the other stuff. I don't have any marriage problems, so its not that. I think the reason is probably more to do with a need to act recklessly and sabotage my life somehow. But not sure why.

Kione Sun 18-Dec-16 22:22:52

I think you should definitely talk about the other stuff with her.

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