Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Anyone else happy to stay single forever

(372 Posts)
Gorgeoussunset Sun 18-Dec-16 13:20:41

I am divorced and have been single for 5 years now. I genuinely do not hate men and have many male friends and some family. But unlike some of my female friends I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't have any need for a man in my life, and don't see that changing. I'm a bit surprised to feel like this, but not regretful. Some of my friends claim to understand but then go on about meeting the right person etc. Wonder if anyone else feels this way?

ALaughAMinute Sun 18-Dec-16 13:33:23

I'm happy to stay single but I would not happy to never have sex again.

As a newly divorced woman I'm quite intrigued by women who say they have no need for a man. I very definitely have a need for a man, I just don't want to live with one ever again.

NotTheFordType Sun 18-Dec-16 13:40:51

I very much doubt I'll ever live with anyone again.

I have a guy I see regularly, we have great sex and we're fond of each other, but I would never move in with him.

I can't imagine wanting to sacrifice the sheer time that a relationship demands. I think the only reason to do that, for me, would be if I wanted [more] children.

noego Sun 18-Dec-16 14:06:49

Oh yes, it's the single life for me. Non monogamous, poly, open relationships for me is the way. Exploring sensuality with other like minded people and remaining totally independent, without commitment. Psychologically and physically liberated.

Hermonie2016 Sun 18-Dec-16 14:15:44

I think it depends on your relationship history.When I left my first long term relationship, I felt very much like never wanting another man.Maybe the hurt and as too much.
This time around I feel as if Ive missed a loving relationship and would like to have it again but I doubt I would live with anyone.
I doubt however I will trust someone again so maybe I will be single forever.
Lots of women who are widowed in later life seem to thrive being single.

May50 Sun 18-Dec-16 14:28:07

I am recently separated with DCs. Don't want to ever live with a partner again, maybe see someone in due course for dates etc but for the mo, I'm just going to concentrate on me and the kids.

BitchQueen90 Sun 18-Dec-16 15:37:36

Me. I'm divorced with one DC.

I have a man in my life but it's a casual thing. We live 200 miles apart but we meet up once or twice a month when DS is at his dad's. We have meals out, drinks, great sex. But we don't want anything more out of it. Been seeing him for 2 years. He hasn't met DS and won't be either.

I don't want the tedium that comes with a serious relationship. I'm a very independent person and have a lovely flat decorated the way I want it. I spend the money I earn on what I want and holiday where I want. No compromise.

DS sees his dad regularly and they have a good relationship. I don't want to bring in another man and do the whole "happy stepfamilies" thing. ExH has a girlfriend and I'm fine with that but it's just not something I want for me.

When I'm with DS I have my role as mother. When I'm with the man I'm seeing I can let my hair down and just be BitchQueen. I've got no desire to mesh the two. I'm not lonely, I have plenty of friends and family. I'm not a cuddly or lovey dovey person so I don't miss cuddles with a partner or being loved by a man. I feel happier, content and more confident than I ever have in a relationship.

People think it's odd. I'm not bothered. 😁

Gorgeoussunset Sun 18-Dec-16 16:10:36

I liked reading all of these. Personally I have a fairly high sex drive most of the time but none at other times. I am honestly probably fairly average looking but have never had an issue getting sex when the need arises. Totally agree with the comment about some women thriving on becoming single. I find it is men of my age who come off all desperate and dysfunctional when single. According to one or two male friends most single men find it harder to find a sexual partner than a single woman. Not sure if that is right, but yet another reason I am 100% glad to be a woman.

Esoteric Sun 18-Dec-16 16:14:46

Interesting BitchQueen, I'm still married, just , but I almost know I would feel as you do, it's my second marriage and yes I know what you mean about tedium. I too am fed up of being told we can't go to xyz on holiday because of xyz (and I don't mean money) or that I realised I have nothing of any value despite working full time for virtually 36 years because husbands spent any surplus money on mainly themselves whilst I spent mine on bills and family stuff, I like men but would just rather meet up , not feel guilty/obliged on sex etc.

BitchQueen90 Sun 18-Dec-16 16:28:29

Esoteric money was a constant issue in my last relationship. My exH was a spender and I was a saver. I like to holiday (within reason with a 3yo in tow!) And I saved up some money so we could go away, ending up having to use it on a house deposit when we had to move for his job because he had absolutely no savings at all. Also sacrificed my own career while he tried to get his off the ground. That's one of my biggest regrets.

I feel in control when I'm single. I do enjoy male company, sex etc and having fun but I don't want to live with someone, doing the day to day stuff.

Interestingly I did have a brief flirtation with another man this year but it became clear that he was looking for a proper relationship and immediately I was put off. So for me I don't think it's a case of meeting the right person, I just genuinely don't want a relationship.

NameChanger22 Sun 18-Dec-16 16:39:35

I am very happy to stay single forever. I'm mid 40s. I don't hate all men, just the terrible ones, so most.

I've been single for about 8 years now. Before that I was always in a relationship. I'm quite happy to never have sex again, when I was in relationships I felt constantly pestered for it.

Living alone isn't lonely. I have a daughter and friends for company.

There's no way I want to tidy up after a grown adult ever again. I can't sleep with snoring or in less than half a bed. I don't want to share finances, I manage much better when I'm not trying to rein in someone else's expensive habits. I don't want to compromise on the small stuff or the big stuff. I don't want to watch sport on TV, especially football. I could go on all night.

jeaux90 Sun 18-Dec-16 16:48:54

Been single for 6 years. 7 year old dd and I'm a single mum. I love it. Dated a lot and had a few short term things. During those years I couldn't imagine being with anyone full time.

I think the most important part of that journey has been being financially independant, having a good career, healthy relationship with my dd and being comfortable in my own skin and own company. Then I was ready to explore the realms of relationships again.

I recently started seeing someone and for the first time in many years (I am 45) I would consider a more permanent situation.

sixteenclumsyandshy Sun 18-Dec-16 17:10:40

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

noego Sun 18-Dec-16 17:21:14

I find my relationships more mature. More upfront. More honest. Meet for lunch, dinner, movies, shopping etc. Go to each others houses for a cosy night in. No pressure. No tedium. Always something to talk about. Sex is great. Phone calls more exciting, Texts more interesting and the sexts as well grin)
They have their hobbies, houses, cars, families, friends, careers, are financially independent, have their own style, opinions, belief systems. And we can come together to share as and when it is mutual.
The premise is if you are happy and I am happy then lets come together and be happy together. But don't ask me to make you happy because I can't do it 24/7. The pressure is to much and tbh I don't need it,
So I'm into this single lifestyle, big time.

Atticmatic Sun 18-Dec-16 17:22:27

Divorced 8 years ago, dated briefly but I have been happier than ever since I gave it all up. I like being single, uninvolved and free. It just suits me and I have no plans to change it.

NotTheFordType Sun 18-Dec-16 17:46:07

But I can't help feeling sad to hear so many people say they have no interest or prefer to be alone

I think it's sad that so many people are afraid of being on their own.

Honestly, how many people do you know who are in shitty relationships but won't leave because they think having someone is better than nothing?

Allofaflumble Sun 18-Dec-16 17:49:22

I don't think it is sad at all! Horses for courses and all that. I've been married and had 3 other long relationships. The periods in between have been my most content.

I suppose I gave in to the pressure that being coupled up was normal but I don't think it was for me. I have AS though so that may have a lot to do with it. I feel "right" in myself being single. There are some practical issues that might be easier if you have a partner, but on the whole it's better for me.

Newbrummie Sun 18-Dec-16 17:49:38

God I went out last night ... Slim pickings or what. I can honestly say if my choice was one of that selection or never again I'd take never again.
You see everywhere these days stunning beautiful young girls with badly dressed overweight half drunk men and want to go and shake them.

RiceCrispieTreats Sun 18-Dec-16 17:58:17

I'm happy to stay single forever. I'd also be happy to be in a great partnership, but I'm totally happy with myself and by myself and feel no need to pair up, or to be validated by a romantic partner.

My friends and family love me, I love me, and that's enough. If a man also wants to love me he's very welcome, but frankly I'm not going out looking since I'm plenty comfortable as I am.

It's a very secure kind of feeling.

SaltyRock Sun 18-Dec-16 18:01:58

I'm on my own for the first time in my life and I feel like I have breathing space for the first time too.
I totally get what you mean. I have no intention of ever getting into the sort of relationship where I might live with someone again. I have been damaged by relationships, but I've had my chances and I've learned from them.
One day I may have a close friendship/sexual relationship with someone if they happen into my life, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm enjoying discovering my life with me and dc at the centre. It's a bit lonely at times, but that's better than the pain relationships bring.
That sounds a bit sad, but I'm filled with more peace than ever before.

NameChanger22 Sun 18-Dec-16 18:03:48

sixteenclumsyandsky - it's not sad at all. I think being in a horrible relationship that you can't or won't leave is sad. Lots of people are trapped like that, I feel sorry for them.

Being single can be a very positive choice. Living without sex is a preference. If you said to a gay person that their life was sad you would be making a very nasty judgment, this is the same thing.

Potentialmadcatlady Sun 18-Dec-16 18:09:52

I'm happy to be single but boy do I miss Sex/cuddles/male companionship...the thought of never having that again is terrifying...but the thought of trusting someone again is also terrifying. I will never understand why people end up being so horrible to each other and why my some of my 'friends' who are not very pleasant to their partners/husbands have ended up with some lovely men who take the unpleasant behaviour from their wives. The way some of them speak about their lovely other halfs is appalling..and then there is me who likes to look after other people who then turn round and poo on me from a great height- too soft I guess

SeekingTheLight Sun 18-Dec-16 18:13:40

I'm going through my second divorce, though been physically single for a year now. I've 2 dc's who need me more. Intimate relationships and the tedium that's goes with, exhaust me.

I know I'll be happily single for a very long time. I relate to allthat has been said on this thread.

Shayelle Sun 18-Dec-16 18:19:11

Im 35, never married, a few months out of LTR, no dc. Happy to stay this way, I dont even want to meet any men, just want to be with friends, I dont want to get close to anyone again. Im happiest being single and unavailable!!

Shayelle Sun 18-Dec-16 18:21:05

Saltyrock.. with you there...'filled with more peace than ever before'.... bloody great isnt it? Im loving every minute 💕

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: