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Please help me

(5 Posts)
user1482025475 Sun 18-Dec-16 01:59:43

I don't even know where to start with this.

I'm a sucessfell person in most repsects - I have more friends than I know what to do with, a job people tell me I am lucky to have and a family that loves me.

But I am 37 and have only ever had 1 girlfriend. which was a rather brief disaster area. I met somone last year, but after a few months of being intimate I got the "lets just be friends" speech. We stayed friends and she is very flirty which just encourages me. Even though I care about her a great deal, the whole thing is making me miserable. I want someone that I can love and that loves me back - and I've come to realise she means the world to me. I'm utterly miserable when I don't see her. But we are not moving beyond friendship anymore.

Its been 6 months since the let be friends speech and I know she now has another close male friend through work who is playing for her. I feel like I am not being forced to compete for affection and to be honest I am so depressed I have started to think about ending it all. This makes me feel guilty because I know so many people must have it worse - e.g. living in a war zone like Aleppo. But I just felel like I can't go on in this depressed state, but I'm too weak to tell her I don't want to see her as a friend anymore.

All our friends assume we are a couple. which just makes me feel even worse because it makes me think there is something wrong with me that I can't convince a woman to be my girlfriend when it seems so easy for others sad

I'm not even sure what I'm asking to be honest. I just feel a total mess and want to be happy. I'm not sure anyone can help me.

876TaylorMade Sun 18-Dec-16 02:36:57

Is this all in your head?

pregnantat50 Sun 18-Dec-16 03:02:22

why do your friends assume you are a couple? Are you always together doing couple type things? If so, you wont meet anyone else whilst looking like your in a relationship.

I know its hard but if this lady wants just friendship and you want something more, you will have to take a step back and maybe even remove her from your life, you are going to keep being hurt every time you see her, especially as she is flirting with you. How do you know about this other person making a play for her, has she told you about him? If so, she sounds like a game player, she must be aware this is hurting you, possibly enjoying the attention.

I would go NC with her, explain you cant just be friends and at the moment its hard spending time with her. That way, you can heal and move on and believe me you will. 37 is still young, and as long as you remove yourself from this painful situation you can recover and meet someone else.

Think of 2017 as a new beginning and do things for you, join clubs, get healthy and go out with friends. xx

Kittysmitten Sun 18-Dec-16 03:02:30

I wish I weren't so brain fogged and able to offer more/better suggestions. It sounds like a really crappy situation but maybe trust your instincts on this one if you feel you are being played, and distance yourself from this person, if you can.

MrsBlennerhassett Sun 18-Dec-16 03:13:32

She obviousy just isnt for you. I think you should maybe just try and distance yourself from her and get on with your life. It may not seem like it right now but there will be someone out there who you can love and who will love you back. flowers

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