Been good friends with someone for about 15 years. At this point you would think we could be pretty honest and open with each other. I have a problem though. Whenever I do something that she disagrees with or offends her (which seems to be quite often as she is quite sensitive and we also seem to have quite different views about things sometimes) she goes silent on me or does the whole passive aggressive letting me know I have wronged her without actually telling me what I have done to upset her until such time as she deems I have been punished enough. She would probably say she was 'too hurt' to talk before then but I am guessing since she doesn't actually communicate! After the event she will just go back to 'normal' without whatever it is having been discussed and resolved.
I am once again in the dog house - although for once I know what I have done - but despite messaging her to apologise as I can see her side on this occasion and wanted to smooth things over, I have had radio silence for just under a week. I just hate this whole dynamic of not talking about things in an adult manner. (In case you are wondering why I messaged rather than calling she can't talk on the phone.) This is such a usual pattern of behaviour that I anticipated the silence from the moment her DH messaged me on her behalf to let me know she was upset
I really don't want to lose her friendship, it's not just a question of longevity, she has so many lovely qualities and can be so thoughtful and caring, but I am really struggling with this aspect of our relationship. It is so wearing wondering what I am going to do next to offend her and it's hard to act authentically when I am trying to operate within 'the rules' and tread on eggshells.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any advice on how to deal? I have a horrible feeling someone is going to tell me I need to have a direct conversation with her about it but I am worried that it will just make everything worse or I will say the wrong thing again. Is it unreasonable/unrealistic to expect something different from a real friendship? There has to be a way to have different views/ways of doing things sometimes, or even be human and make mistakes and bring able to talk it through without all this stress surely?
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Relationships
Anyone experienced getting the silent treatment from a friend rather than a partner? How do you deal with it?
Penguin13 · 17/12/2016 22:42
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