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(10 Posts)
FSVC Sat 17-Dec-16 22:39:21

Serial deregger/name changer - H and I are going to divorce, it's amicable etc but I just feel a bit lonely. I've got lots of friends but not really anyone who I feel like I can ask to listen to my pointless moaning about this situation. I can't afford counselling and wouldn't qualify for a reduced rate.
I'm also feeling a bit scared sometimes about being on my own - I'm kind of looking forward to it, but I'm worried about money, my children and I don't think I'll meet anyone else. I'm ok with that in principle but it's not the life I wanted for myself.
Any ideas for cheering myself up? I don't have much spare money and my kids are small.

VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice Sat 17-Dec-16 22:41:44

Enjoy sleeping alone in YOUR bed with YOUR clean sheets and NO snoring partner. Make your bedroom your lovely private haven and enjoy the little things.

FSVC Sat 17-Dec-16 22:42:55

That's on my list but unfortunately I still have H there! I'm looking forward to that though smile

VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice Sat 17-Dec-16 23:20:30

Ok - make a mental bucket list (i.e. don't write it down in case DH finds it) and plan little treats for yourself, ie:

Friday nights: I will wash all school/nursery clothes and get ready for Monday (sorry, I don't how old you said your kids are)

Saturday nights are ME time - painting toenails in a facemask and watching favourite films.

Sundays are fun days out - take a picnic and alternate between cultural days out and outdoors fun.

And plan special days for yourself when DH has the kids - see a grown up movie, go window shopping. Take up a new hobby and use your "alone" time purposefully.

Make nice plans. Look forward to your future.

VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice Sat 17-Dec-16 23:22:03

OMG -when you're on your own, have a LONG bath and.... shock..... read a book!!! Luxury!

VanillaSugarAndChristmasSpice Sat 17-Dec-16 23:23:15

And find your local Gingerbread (single parents) group.

I'll go now, before you think I'm a stalker!

Cricrichan Sat 17-Dec-16 23:23:57

Just talk to your friends. Tell them your worries etc. They'll cheer you up and listen to you.

FSVC Mon 19-Dec-16 19:12:58

I'm struggling with the 'talking to friends' tbh - everyone is either married or younger and they just say 'ooh get on tinder!' and then it's like the subject's closed.
Just feel a bit down that that part of my life is pretty much over, someone was joking about mistletoe before and I want to cry, nobody's ever going to snog me again and I know it's pathetic but I miss sex and physical contact with men.
I watched that programme about old people getting married and I do agree you never know what's going to happen but it's just lonely sometimes. It's all mixed in with the worries about kids and money and now I feel guilty that I'm hiding upstairs crying instead of playing with my children (H is with them they aren't being neglected).
I know it's just life, just get down sometimes and have no outlet IRL. I guess I'm one of those people who other people sound off to but they want me to be upbeat and fun, not sad.

Tigertamer Tue 20-Dec-16 00:31:14

I felt like you when I seperated from my ex. I had three small dc and was so sad at the prospect of life without affection, sex etc. I didn't want to spend sat nights in with face mask, I wanted to be out enjoying myself or at home with a partner. Friends were mostly married and while sympathetic not very helpful - like yours they suggested online dating which i didnt feel up for. For the first two years I went out every weekend to different things, pub, parties, friends houses, sporting events, whatever. If i had no money fir pub id go to a fruends for wine/ tea/ chats. I had the odd snog but nothing more and was very disheartened and down about ever having any kind of romantic relationship again. Fast forward to three years and I lost some weight and gained more confidence. I've had a few one night stands ( my choice) and two casual relationships in the past 6 months ( one of whom I've foolishly fallen for but that's another thread). I met them all in real life, not online. They have really boosted my confidence and while neither of ny casual guys were right for me they are both very nice and have made me realise that I can meet guys and that hopefully at some stage I'll meet one that is right.
In the meantime i will look after myself and my dc, focus on my job, have fun with my friends and my casual guy. Mostly I am happy although xmas is quite hard with all the family stuff on tv, etc.

With regards to friends, I know what you mean about people wanting you to be postive and upbeat. I found that I started spending more time with some single friends as they 'got it' a bit more and we could have a moan together then put our gladrags on and go out!. I was a bit surprised by the ones that really came through for me ( and a few that didn't 🤔).

My best advice is focus on yourself as much as you can with small kids. I got a new haircut, upped my game with make up and lost weight. It might sound shallow but it was important to me and really helped my confidence which in turn helped me to feel more able to chat to guys, etc when I was out.

I also had a policy of saying yes to as many invitations as possible, even if it wasn't something I'd normally be into.

Don't despair, there's no reason to think you'll never have affection, sex, love, etc again. I've had more sex in the last six months than in the last six years of my marriage 😆 but if you'd told me that a year ago I wouldnt have believed you. My 3 dc live with me full time and are all under 8, so anything is possible!

FSVC Tue 20-Dec-16 17:15:48

Thank you! That's just what I needed to read smile hope things keep on getting better for you Tigertamer

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