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struggling to get on with my dad (mh issues etc)

(3 Posts)
sprinklemonkey Sat 17-Dec-16 21:45:44

hello everyone... just wanted your thoughts...

i really struggle to communicate with my dad and have offended him for the umpteenth time, for simply disagreeing with him.

he has mh issues but undiagnosed as to what they are yet, still trying to get a proper diagnosis - it's interlinked with another potential condition so drs monitoring (I suspect bipolar tendencies among other things but know jumping to conclusions is not necessarily a good idea!)

he's his own worst enemy in many ways and leads quite an isolated life ("working" from home) smoking lots of strong dope and has done for years. but in other ways is articulate and caring when in a good mood...

he sees everything as very black and white and seems to find subjects and obsess about them and subsumed by them - from a paragraph in a book he agrees with, to a historical theory, now conspiracy theories (i don't think they are doing his fragile MH any good!).

if anyone disagrees with him about his current obsession he cannot accept that the truth may lie somewhere in the middle. e.g. a conspiracy theory IS true, there is zero convincing him that it might not be (either true or false), he cannot understand this.

we rarely speak freely as i find him so difficult, as he has a history of going completely OTT if people disagree (black moods, passive aggressive, stomping round like a child, ridiculous and horrible to be around). Eventually he gets over it and goes back to normal but for the duration of his moods (which can last a few days) he gives everyone hell. For this reason i have had to avoid visiting my parents for long durations of time whilst I had PND as I could not bear to be around him....

this time i have offended him by saying that the latest consipiracy theory he presented me with might not be true... (didn't say it wasn't true, just that it might not be)... he basically ended the phonecall and i suspect i am in the doghouse... he cannot separate out differences of opinion and takes them really personally.

i wonder if i should continue to tolerate this behaviour, apologise for upsetting him (even if unintentional) or back right off. There are a few mitigating circumstances in this case, he has been ill for a couple of weeks, but that said it's history repeating itself again and again and I am not sure what to do. i could keep my mouth shut but it's so hard when he's so easy to offend and i didn't do it on purpose by any means.

I feel i should be understanding re his MH issues, and he has been quite ill with various issues over the years, recently coming to a head with some serious MH and physical episodes, and I wonder what difference a full diagnosis will make. He clearly needs MH support but is yet to receive it (also whether he will embrace it is another matter). I feel sad as I speak to my mum every day and she is my only real support - am a LP myself - but feel I can rarely visit them due to my dad. I would also like my dad to see the difference between a personal attack and a difference of opinion but he just can't get it. I also feel sad also for my dad that he is so offended by me disagreeing with him on what is a minor point...

Any advice welcome and sorry for the very long post...

sprinklemonkey Sat 17-Dec-16 22:32:21

bump smile

Cricrichan Sun 18-Dec-16 00:58:51

I think the only way to do it is by changing the subject or not discussing things with him. It's a shame that you're missing out on the with your mum because of him.

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