Ok backstory: My mum and my dad split up when I was 6 months (she cheated on him but I only found out about this last year). Mum was a single parent to me till I was six when she met my stepdad. He was lovely to me at first but then mum fell pg with my DSis and he started being really horrible to me. This then led to 10 years of emotional abuse until I cut all contact when I was 18 (I'm now 22). I gained some contact with my DSis (I also have two DBs) who is now 15 earlier this year but other than that I've had no contact with any of them for almost 4 years.
The damage between myself and my stepdad is irreparable and I would quite happily never lay eyes on him again. But with my mum it's different. She never stepped in to protect me, but I don't know if that was a deliberate move or if she just didn't realise. He played quite a lot of it off as "only jokes" and when I was a teenager he convinced my mum that I was lazy, selfish, inconsiderate, rude, etc, etc... Which I guess most teenagers can be to a certain extent but I tried my best and nothing was ever good enough. He also said the harshest things to me out of mums earshot, so I don't know if she knew half of it.
He also isolated me so much from the rest of the family that I have no idea how mum felt or how he treats her. I've just come out of an abusive relationship and now I'm wondering if mum is in one and doesn't even realise.
Anyway, back in June, my nan on my dad's side passed away and as she hadn't updated her will for a long time she has left my mum some money. My dad was going to give it to her but asked me if I wanted to do it as an excuse to test the waters. This way I could ask to meet up with her away from my stepdad, I wouldn't have to appear as though I was "crawling back with my tail between my legs" (one of my stepdads favourite phrases), and it wouldn't be too hard to just cut contact again if I really felt like my mum played a part in the EA as opposed to being ignorant to it or a victim herself.
For further context (to avoid drip feeding) I have an 18 month DD who she has never met and I don't know if she even knows of her existence. We live in the same city although opposite sides so no one would be going out of their way. I'm just really confused and it's been so long but there was never any closure (no big incident that led to me cutting contact or anything) but I'm not sure if it'll just be me opening myself up to more pain.
I don't have to decide until the New Year but because of legal reasons I would have to hand the money over by Feb at the latest... If I decide I don't want to, then dad will drop it off to her so that's not a problem.
Any advice is welcome...
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I have an opportunity to tentatively get in contact with my mum and not sure if I should take it...
21 replies
skyyequake · 17/12/2016 19:03
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