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i think ive really fucked up...and its this close to Christmas

(5 Posts)
ilovehalloumi Sat 17-Dec-16 17:24:08

long backstory - was married to ExDH for 4 years, together 13. Was difficult and included EA, he was a cocklodger and didn't work for the last 3 years and eventually he cheated which was the final straw and I left him, that was summer this year.

Following that I immediately got into a same sex relationship with someone who had previously been a good friend.

She has one DC, as do I. within 3 months she moved in with her DC.

I thought I knew her really well, but obviously its different being in a relationship with someone. She is very insecure, particularly around ExDH. She is very aggressive, has only showed signs of physical violence once though. She displays any sort of anxious behaviour or being upset as anger and lashes out saying VERY hurtful things. She has lied and put me in situations which have made me very uncomfortable, she has involved other people in situations. She has also logged into my laptop and read my facebook private messages twice, both times misinterpreting things and getting really angry. Once she calms down, she is apologetic.

I had enough following the last bout of anger and told her it was over.

Since then, she has begged for another chance and cried. She has not left the house and I don't know if she has anywhere to go if she does. Our DC are young and adore each other, my DC adores her and vice versa.

What the fuck do I do? I thought I had made a choice, I think I do love her, (just tried to write I love her then and couldn't....telling?). I clearly jumped into this too fast. Not an excuse but I had mental health problems leading to me being off work for 6 months in 2015/early 2016. I don't know how clearly I have been thinking.

I have let the DC get close, I don't know what to do? Do I give it til after christmas? Do I kick her out 8 days before Christmas? When the kids are so excited? Am i just being ridiculous? Is anything really that bad?

Oh fuck.

Cricrichan Sat 17-Dec-16 17:29:44

This has all happened really quickly. I would tell her that the relationship isn't working for you and you feel like you've jumped from the frying pan into the fire and give her the choice to leave before Christmas or in January.

MatildaTheCat Sat 17-Dec-16 17:35:49

Relationships are supposed to make you happy. This doesn't sound happy for you or her. Upsetting her is sad but better than continuing both for the adults and the DC. She needs to seek help with her anger and insecurity issues.

Just one thought, though...are her moods hormone related? I guess this could be worth exploring but you sound as if you regret getting into this so I would be kind but firm and end it.

BubblingUp Sat 17-Dec-16 17:42:03

I was wondering if her moods are alcohol related.

ilovehalloumi Sat 17-Dec-16 18:09:30

not hormone or alcohol related, its definitely learnt behaviour as her dad is exactly the same

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