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He's been leading a double life and I want to expose him for the c**t that he is

(127 Posts)
Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 14:43:53

I feel sick. Will try not to drip feed. I've been seeing a man since July. We work in the same building (different floor). He's got two kids, youngest 16. He told me he was separated (I know). Why did I believe him? Well I've been to his house regularly, never met his kids but I was aware he and his ex wife were on 'good terms' and that she sometimes stayed in the house, if there was a family event like a birthday.

I see him all the time. We got home from work together, drive to work. Often have lunch. He calls me in the evenings, sometimes he whispers but says it's because the kids are sleeping. Nothing made me think otherwise and last month he said in the new year I should meet his ex wife as he and I were getting more serious.

Yesterday I was at his house like normal and he nipped out. The phone went to voicemail and his 'ex' wife leaves a voicemail that I can hear as she's speaking, and it's very very clear they are not at all separated! From the voicemail it sounded like she has been away a lot to look after an elderly parent.

We had a blazing row and he said that his wife is crazy and one minute she wants it to work the next she doesn't and is asking him to leave. He's said he wants to talk to me but I've blocked his number because I am so fucking angry and distraught.

I love him. I hate him so much for this, I feel a fool. Should I expose him? I have hundreds of emails, photos and texts that basically show us as in a relationship. I'm so angry I can't believe he has done this.

ofudginghell Sat 17-Dec-16 14:56:52

How long have you been seeing him?
Did you not smell a rat when he was whispering down the phone????hmm

I would say you have been played big time.
If it was me I would wait until I'm calm and more rational before making any decisions on whether to out him or not

Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 15:00:03

About 5 months. I did question him on whispering but it would always be after ten pm when we had a phone call (my preference), and we would message all evening, so I just assumed it was for reason of the kids as he hadn't told them about me.

I'm so so so angry. I want to go as tell her what a shit she is married to and all the horrible things he's said about how crazy she is. She didn't sound crazy to me!!!!

WynterBlossom Sat 17-Dec-16 15:05:33

Out him, if you don't....he just gets to go back to his cushty life waiting to find another woman to do it to.

Why should you be sat there now having to get over a relationship that was so obviously a lie while he's laughing it up with his wife who has no idea what he's doing to her.

Please don't keep this to yourself, his wife deserves to know what a c*nt he really is! Sorry, I've just had enough of men who thinks it's okay to mug women off and then walk away having the last laugh, make sure you have it!

BubblingUp Sat 17-Dec-16 15:07:58

When a man claims to be separated, the only human on the planet who can confirm that is the wife. I would call the wife and ask if she is separated as the husband claims. I would do it in a minute (although I might be hesitant to detail what all has gone on since July). Whenever a married man tells me he is a separated, I always ask, "Does your wife know she's separated and can I call her to confirm?" Not one time has a married man, said, "Sure, call her - I have nothing to hide." Not one time. It's always a tap dance. Always.

MissMarplesHat Sat 17-Dec-16 15:08:34

Oh yes, the 'crazy wife', he's followed the script to the letter. Sorry you've been hoodwinked.

SVJAA Sat 17-Dec-16 15:12:16

When I met DP he was separated (over a year before I met him) but the difference was that I queried it and spoke to his wife. I'm sorry this has happened OP, it must be really hard for you. I'd tell her, she deserves to know the truth. Maybe wait until after Christmas though.

Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 15:12:21

I feel sick. I'm so embarrassed. My feelings are confused as well... His wife will hate me if I tell her this and I don't want her to hate me. I don't want her to think I knew because I fucking didn't. I cant stop crying from the shock. 24 hours ago I thought my relationship with this man was pretty much perfect, looking forward to meeting his ex in the new year and thinking how nice that would be to get that part over with ... anxious about meeting his kids' mum! I thought he was so genuine. I feel like I can't breathe. I'm so so angry.

Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 15:14:04

He told me I was the love of his life, and I wanted him to stay over more and he always said he couldn't until the youngest moved out. I was so fucking understating. I was so good to him. I've been properly played haven't I.

balence49 Sat 17-Dec-16 15:19:01

Please tell her. She deserves to know. And he doesn't deserve to get away with it. What a twat.

Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 15:20:24

How do I tell her? He will deny it. Because he's a fucking good liar.

If she's really as crazy as he makes out I'm scared of what she would do on finding out. I'm SO angry he could get away with this though. Dirty bastard.

EmeraldIsle100 Sat 17-Dec-16 15:21:07

Yes you have been played and it wasn't your fault. He is nothing but a bastard and you have every right to be furious. I feel outraged for you and I feel sorry for his wife and children.

I would tell his wife because she has a right to know that she is married to a low life liar.

Stay angry and accept that you were played through no fault of your own. You have 100% dodged a bullet. I know you are very hurt but it is fortunate that you have found out now rather than this going on for years.

ITCouldBeWorse Sat 17-Dec-16 15:21:47

I would consider how you could let her know that he is a faithless bastard, being mindful that she might need him right now if she has other caring responsibilities.

What a escape for you. What a lowlife he is.

Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 15:22:20

I love him so much. This time yesterday we were so happy, drinking coffee and chatting about anything and everything.

I still can't believe him.

If I tell her and she is as crazy as he has said... then what

ITCouldBeWorse Sat 17-Dec-16 15:22:54

And she won't be crazy. She might be hurt and angry, but I'd be prepared to bet her 'craziness' is his useful excuse for his cheating.

Lollysuns Sat 17-Dec-16 15:23:34

He's told me things she had done like ripping a door down in anger and things like that. Though who knows what is real and what isn't.

DearMrDilkington Sat 17-Dec-16 15:24:05

It's been 5 months not 5 years, call it quits and move on.

YelloDraw Sat 17-Dec-16 15:24:59

Whenever a married man tells me he is a separated, I always ask, "Does your wife know she's separated and can I call her to confirm?" Not one time has a married man, said, "Sure, call her - I have nothing to hide." Not one time.

Wow I would love to see the reaction of some 'separated' men to that!

DeepanKrispanEven Sat 17-Dec-16 15:31:19

Don't expose him, it'll make life difficult at work. Just cut him out of your life 100% from now on.

OurBlanche Sat 17-Dec-16 15:41:48

You tell her that you heard her leave that message and realised that 5 months of your life had been a lie.

That you heard the message should be enough for her to believe you... and what she chooses to do from there is her business.

I doubt it will make work difficult. Very few colleagues really give a monkeys about someone on a different floor, different department etc. It'll cause gossip and he will try to make himself look good, but hey! Tough! You just call him a lying scumbag and move on!

Now. Chin up! Get it all over and done with, then you can have about 48 hours to cry your eyes out...

Orangetoffee Sat 17-Dec-16 15:41:57

Have you posted about him before? The teenagers, wife still living in house, sharing lifts to work, all sound very familiar.

Jux Sat 17-Dec-16 15:44:54

She's unlikely to be crazy. She's quite justified in being angry with him because she knew he was lying to her, I'm sure.

She does deserve to know. I'd want to.

mummydawn07 Sat 17-Dec-16 15:46:04

it's a hard position to be in if you tell her you will probably be hated, you know how it is.. the other woman the home wrecker breaking up a family even though you had no idea, unless you meet her in person and sit her down and explain it to her face to face it would be better than a letter or phone call, she does deserve to know and he doesn't deserve to get away with it and also play and disrespect his wife in that way!! I find it really hard to understand why people cheat.. i'm really sorry to hear that you are going through such hurt but you will get over it, he's a piece of scum

Benedikte2 Sat 17-Dec-16 15:47:21

Have you got a close friend who can ring the wife as a "concerned bystander" to warn her that her husband is telling people he is separated and she suspects this is not correct. Wife's response will tell you what you need to know.
Good luck

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 17-Dec-16 15:53:36

I imagine she's probably flipped out a few times if she's suspected he's cheating but can't prove it. Or if indeed he pulls this stunt repeatedly and she finds out or suspects. It would be enough to make a spouse 'crazy'.
I agree you have enough to convince her you're not a fantasist. Tell her. What she does with that is up to her.

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