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Emotionally abusive vile H - think I've finally found the courage to leave him

(17 Posts)
Momentumista Fri 16-Dec-16 23:13:01

Or rather tell him to leave me...
He is in back room packing his stuff and blaming me for having conversation at this time as he has to go to work tomorrow.

He is issuing all sorts of threats about how he won't pay the bills and that I get him into debt. Just for reference I bought a coat & some boots from joint household expenses account. I have no idea what is in joint account as he hides all statements and has confiscated my bank card. He tells me this is for my own good as I can't be trusted with money.

Our house is in joint names with mortgage. I owned it in sole name for about 8 years & he got added to mortgage about 4 years ago. I have no clue where I stand legally. I am determined not to show him how scared I am though.

But if is scary... I know he wants to bully me into saying "it's ok stay " just as he has fine every other time I've told him I am unhappy & want out but that's the easy option and the problem just rears its head again after a few months.

We have DS (9) who h uses as bargaining chip threatening he will not let me see him etc. Any advice & hand holding appreciated.

illegitimateMortificadospawn Fri 16-Dec-16 23:15:44

Well done OP. Stand firm and know that you have MNers at your shoulder. flowers

illegitimateMortificadospawn Fri 16-Dec-16 23:16:42

PS this is outside my experience, but others will join the thread soon with helpful advice.

HeavenlyEyes Fri 16-Dec-16 23:18:57

they all threaten to take your child away - please ignore his pathetic threats. They are designed to make you scared and let him stay. He is vile and you are doing quite right getting rid. SHL required for you on Monday then.

dataandspot Fri 16-Dec-16 23:19:35

You are doing the hard bit- keep going to the other side. It will be worth it x

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 16-Dec-16 23:20:45

The script involves them threatening you with never seeing the dc. It's awfully common but has no basis in reality. Shut the door on him, leave a key in the lock. Actually in all the doors.

OopsDearyMe Fri 16-Dec-16 23:22:47

Good on you! I am so pleased for you. Xxxxx

Momentumista Fri 16-Dec-16 23:32:12

What does SHL mean?

Momentumista Fri 16-Dec-16 23:33:33

Does the script also involve him threatening not to pay bills? He earns more than I do and i can't afford all bills on my salary alone. What recourse do I have if he gives me no money?

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease Fri 16-Dec-16 23:35:10

Shit Hot Lawyer

ohfourfoxache Fri 16-Dec-16 23:41:43

Hold tight, you can do this

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 16-Dec-16 23:49:38

Yes. He's going to have to support his dc. He's going to have to accept that there are marital assets Again no basis in reality.
You need copies of financial info - take those tonight. Take pictures of anything you can find. Especially house stuff. Keep any texts telling you not to spend or abusing you.

Fidelia Fri 16-Dec-16 23:51:33

He has to pay child maintenance, so contact the CMS straight away and open a case.

A good lawyer can help you file for temporary ancillary relief, so he has to pay temporary spousal support until the finances are settled.

First of all though you need to freeze the bank account or he will clear it out (if he hasn't already). And order a new bank card to be sent to you. Might be worth texting him right now asking for the bank card back (provides a paper trail of his financial abuse)

MissMarplesHat Sat 17-Dec-16 00:00:04

Well done op and stay strong. This is the best thing for you and your son. If you are in paid employment you can get CTC, maybe even WTC. If he's a twat go through cms for child support. Get good legal advice, you can do this. Too many people put up with abusive and crappy relationships, good for you for being an excellent role model for your son.

Momentumista Sat 17-Dec-16 09:13:18

I've told DS this morning and he's in tears saying he doesn't want his father to leave. I've explained I love him, it's not his fault etc, dad just makes me sad.
How to overcome this reaction ?

I guess this is z common reaction?

Past advice has said don't stay for his sake etc etc.

jeaux90 Sat 17-Dec-16 09:20:31

Momentum you are the adult and you have to protect your child. I had to make the same decision 6 years ago and it was the best decision I'd probably made in my whole life.

You don't want them growing up seeing that shit and you deserve better.

Well done for being strong xxx

ANewDawn Sat 17-Dec-16 11:16:52


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