I have set up Find Friends on my DH's phone so that I can use my phone to find out his location. He doesn't know I have set it up, I didn't ask his permission because I thought he would say know. I have just found out that installing a tracker app on someone's phone without them knowing is possibly abusive and I'm wondering whether I should cancel the connection.
I have no reason to suspect him of e.g. seeing another woman so I'm not using the app to investigate him. The reason I use it is that I never know when he is coming home or where he is. Sometimes he gets home from work at 4 p.m., sometimes not until after 6 p.m. Or he might decide to go shopping after work and get home very late. At the weekend he can go out for the morning and not get back until teatime. Before I started using the app I would get distressed about never knowing when he was going to walk through the door. I had to sort out our four DCs after school, make dinner, plan to get the DCs to any evening activities etc. without knowing when DH would be back. Occasional texts or phone calls to find out his plans are okay but I couldn't do that every day.
Since I started using the app I have been able to be a lot more chilled out. I can look at his location, find out he's still at work, and plan accordingly. Or if I'm worried about him being late I can find out that he's at the shops. As well as making my life a lot easier and less stressful there has been a knock-on effect on him as I'm in a better state of mind when he gets home.
What do I do? Delete the app? Tell him it's already there? Ask him to install it (I still think he would say no)? I don't think I can go back to the way it was before, it was incredibly stressful. But equally I don't want to be doing something that is abusive.
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Relationships
Is it abusive for me to put a tracker app on DH's phone?
AntlerHoof · 16/12/2016 12:35
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