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Narc ex and unwanted gifts

(9 Posts)
user1481572724 Fri 16-Dec-16 08:07:29

Trying to keep this as vague as possible. My mentally unstable, narcissistic ex is sending things to DD for Christmas in the post. We've been NC for years after multiple drink/drug/aggression incidents. He only met her once when she was a baby. Has always been NC as he is unable to keep up any level of consistent contact and goes AWOL frequently. She does not know him, yet he's sending things from 'your daddy' which I luckily managed to hide before she read. I don't know what to do. Send it all back? Ignore?

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 16-Dec-16 08:20:26

Ignore all contact from him; many narcissistic people practice this type of behaviour known as "hoovering". It is not done out of any real concern for your child or you; its basically being done as a means of pulling your chain. He does not want to let go of you that easily.

Do not send it back or otherwise acknowledge this; a response from you is what he wants so that will enable him to bother you even more. Take all the items to a charity shop and do not give these items (they are not gifts because these are unwanted) any more power.

jeaux90 Fri 16-Dec-16 08:22:57

My dd father is a narc. Attila is right. Nc all the way. Mine is 7 no contact since she was 2. He used to send voice messages for her which I deleted. Just give the gifts to charity or something. No response. Nothing.

heidiwine Fri 16-Dec-16 08:43:16

I'm sure that my mother would have described my dad as a narc. He sent gifts too and we never got them. In fact she prevented all contact. I'm an adult now and I know my dad. He's far from perfect but I massively resent my mum from withholding gifts/letters/approaches if contact.
So I would exercise some caution. Maybe talk to a professional for advice (child psychologist or specialist family therapist).

jeaux90 Fri 16-Dec-16 09:25:25

I did talk to a therapist. The same one that my narc ex was seeing. She told me to run and that brining my child up anywhere near him would be devastating. PP you are probably able to deal with him now because your mother did what was necessary. You only have to read the threads on here about narc parents to realise you dodged a bullet.

0dfod Fri 16-Dec-16 09:45:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

heidiwine Fri 16-Dec-16 10:52:28

Actually FWIW I suspect my mother has far more 'narc' traits than my father. Neither of them covered themselves in glory. I don't think I dodged any bullet. In fact I was right in the middle of the war between both of my parents.

jeaux90 Fri 16-Dec-16 15:58:14

Oh Heidi I'm sorry. Xxxxx

incogKNEEto Fri 16-Dec-16 19:29:48

I agree with Attila, but just beware their hoovering efforts can go on for a long time... l am NC with my m and she still sends cards/leaves presents for the dc on our doorstep...it's been 4 years, and she just won't quit!

Every single 'gift' has been donated to the local charity shop (concluding money in cards) and all cards burnt, so she doesn't get any feedback from sending them, l have no idea how to get her to stop.

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