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Can I go home?

(66 Posts)
breatheinskipthegym Thu 15-Dec-16 10:25:37

I'm currently on a month-long holiday with my husband and 2 DDs (2 & 4) in Melbourne. Over the past couple of years, he's lied, cheated, and generally treated me disgustingly. I'm massively unhappy and have tried to end it a few times, only to be sucked in by false promises and lip service.

He promised me this holiday would really allow him to show me what I mean to him, without all the distractions of daily life. Well, he's certainly shown me that I'm meaningless, the only parent doing any parenting, unimportant and totally ignorable. I'm basically trapped in a rented house trying to entertain 2 DDs as we are not within walking distance of anywhere, he hasn't insured me on the rental car, and has gone out, unannounced, taking the house keys with him. I don't have the words to describe how unhappy I am. The idea of continuing this until early January, when we're due to go home, is intolerable.

If I change our plane tickets and take our children home with me tomorrow, can he do anything? I have visions of him having me arrested at the airport and the children snatched away or something.

For completeness, my 4 year old has autism & is non-verbal, and we are travelling with his grown up son & girlfriend, & a sort-of employee. He booked/paid for the tickets but I know the login details and am a signatory/cardholder on his credit card that was used. Desperate to leave but scared of the repercussions.

Manumission Thu 15-Dec-16 10:29:28

I doubt it. You're on holiday, not domiciled so it's not abduction is it? You're just going home. I don't blame you. He sounds unbearable.

Hopefully a family lawyer will come along and confirm.

Bjazzle Thu 15-Dec-16 11:04:14

Easier said than done op, but please leave, regardless of the consequences (doubt you will be arrested) he needs a wake up call.

breatheinskipthegym Fri 16-Dec-16 22:47:10

Thanks both. It's my gut feeling too that authorities here would ultimately not stop me - but surely they'd be duty-bound to investigate it if he reported me for kidnapping the children, or some such? I feel it's too big a risk. However, the situation here is getting worse. He's still sat in the bedroom all day every day, won't address me directly, and as food supplies are getting low, it's getting awkward (albeit not impossible, I can call takeaways) to eat well and feed my DDs well.

Last night he was out with the rest of our group, and I opted to stay home as one DD has asthma which is currently flaring up. The previous night he was out by himself. I'm just trapped with no space to myself and none of my usual resources to distract myself.

elephantoverthehill Fri 16-Dec-16 22:51:11

Go home. It sounds crap.

AnotherEmma Fri 16-Dec-16 22:52:56

Just go home. Treat yourself to a Christmas present when you get there: a shit hot solicitor.


Chippednailvarnishing Fri 16-Dec-16 22:54:38

Could you call the rental company and put yourself on the insurance and then drive you all to the airport?

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 16-Dec-16 23:09:25

Good Lord, take the dc home. Change your tickets (and the password -- would that be bad?), book a car and get to the airport. I don't think Oz immigration can stop you leaving unless you've committed an offence. Your DH isn't an Australian citizen or resident and you're returning them to his, yours and their home address.
My worry would be he guesses what's happening and cancels the flights or credit card.

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 16-Dec-16 23:10:42

If that happens then there may be a British High Commission in Melbourne who may assist you.

GiddyOnZackHunt Fri 16-Dec-16 23:12:39

+61 3 9652 1600
British HC in Melbourne.
90 Collins St, Melbourne

breatheinskipthegym Fri 16-Dec-16 23:34:13

Thank you all, particularly Giddy, that's especially helpful. Not only am I miserable but DDs are also cooped up and it isnt fair nor easy for them. I just don't want to be here. The consequences seem so much tinier on home turf vs here & now.

GiddyOnZackHunt Sat 17-Dec-16 00:36:43

Being at home gives you a bit of control because you know how it works. Australia at least is Commonwealth so their laws originate in UK law.

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 17-Dec-16 00:43:18

I don't think he can do anything, you're going home not fleeing to a country with no extradition or something!

Good luck flowers

AcrossthePond55 Sat 17-Dec-16 00:49:21

How far are you from the Airport?

Tell him you're going food shopping, take the car and the kids and head to the airport? Change the tickets at the counter under the guise of a 'family emergency' and fly home? I realize you'd have to leave your clothing behind (unless you could stash some in the car).

Or wait until there is a day planned out then bow out with the children and go whilst everyone is gone.

Manumission Sat 17-Dec-16 00:51:10

Think about it. The very fact that you and the DC are eligible for British consular assistance must mean you're free to take them home.

breatheinskipthegym Sat 17-Dec-16 04:57:13

Well, as it turns out the absolute fucker can do something - he's hidden the DDs passports (and his). Left mine though so clearly he'd be happy for me to go.

Rulerruler Sat 17-Dec-16 05:29:37

The British HC should be able to help with emergency travel documents if you feel you need them.

Rubyslippers7780 Sat 17-Dec-16 05:30:08

He must know you are at breaking point? He has hidden the passports because he must think, at some level, you'd leave? Have you spoken to him?
This sounds awful.

Manumission Sat 17-Dec-16 05:31:55

YY to emergency travel documents.

You need to get ahead of this situation. Who knows what he's thinking/planning?

SaltyMyDear Sat 17-Dec-16 05:33:20

Hiding passports is serious. It means he thought you'd want to leave early. Which means he's planned this all along.

I think you should be worried HE has planned to abduct the kids.

I'd definitely ring the high commission now. I think you need to leave, with the DC, now.

BitOutOfPractice Sat 17-Dec-16 06:27:56

I'd ring the consulate and ask for advice. He's basically holding you prisoner. What a utter bastard

pklme Sat 17-Dec-16 06:39:53

Agree. Get legal help now. Hiding their passports is a big red flag. What could he be planning, does he have friends/ family in the area?

myfriendnoel Sat 17-Dec-16 06:45:48

Can you appeal to the other adults in your party and tell them you want to go home and ask them for help?
There can't be that many places to hide the passports in a holiday home.
I think you need to get out of there as as soon as you can.

DartmoorDoughnut Sat 17-Dec-16 07:09:49

Hope you manage to get you and your girls away and back home safely

donajimena Sat 17-Dec-16 07:13:25

Yes seek consular assistance. This sounds awful

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