I thought I would post on here to get some outsider views on my situation.
We have been together 25 years married 23 with 3 kids, 2 at uni, one still at school.
We live abroad ( won't put where in case someone on here recognises the situation).DH works in industry here and works long hours plus travels a lot for his job.
We have a family friend- female who lives back in the UK who I am increasingly uncomfortable and unhappy with her intrusion on our marriage and family life.
We met her a while ago on holiday,befriended her and started to chat with her online when we were home-what's app , Skype etc .She was very sad and lonely so we felt happy to try and help her out by keeping her company virtually .We also tried to help her by boosting her confidence and gradually welcomed her into the family, letting her holiday with us and visit with us here too.
She in turn was happy to chat with us, spend time with us and helped out a lot with things like shopping for us in UK, letting us stay with her when we were in the UK.
My concern is my DH's attitude towards her.He chats with her frequently sometimes more so than with me.He has a private chat with her that he seem so protective of , he has spent time In our holiday location with her when I was unable to go along or not wanting to go.
He stays with her when he visits his mum in the UK and assures me that there is nothing going on between them .
She in turn fusses him constantly,more than I would eg constantly making food for him , buying little gifts- anything he asks for she will do ,even driving him around for 4 hrs on her weekend if needed.
She is seemingly a constant presence at home as he will Skype her frequently and have her sitting on the I pad in the corner of the room all night .I have tried to get him to cut it down and he does for a while but then it goes back up again
I feel mean thinking bad about her as she has been a big help to us supporting him when we were living separate due to a job change and also being a friendly ear for me .
However our marriage has been suffering due to the previous separation time,DH stresses at work, anxiety and illness .He has been taking all his frustrations out on me and the family with extreme mood swings at times.He has said many cruel and hurtful things to me, often when drunk but the words still linger.
He has recently promised to change and put more effort toward me and the family ,to the point of constantly texting me telling me he loves me and then seeking constant reassurance from me.
I am open to his assurances and willing to move forward with working on the marriage, but having a younger woman also fussing around him in his life makes me feel very insecure and I feel I never get his full attention as he is always thinking about her and what she is doing or feeling.
Am I being paranoid or should I tell him to back off?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
3 people in the marriage?or am I being paranoid?-long post sorry.
Mumof3dogs · 14/12/2016 10:13
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