Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do I love myself more?

(9 Posts)
twattymctwatterson Mon 12-Dec-16 01:46:58

Okay this is definitely going to sound a bit "woe is me" but I'm trying to work on myself and it would be great if anyone could give me some pointers. Basically I'm 36 and haven't lived with a partner for a decade. Longest relationship in that time was with my daughter's father which lasted a year. He was emotionally abusive and sexually coercive. Single since then apart from a few flings with men who are commitment phobic/emotionally unavailable and looking back just using me for sex. Every time one of these flings ends it hits me really hard and I'm subsequently depressed, anxious and have terrible insomnia.
I'm wondering if anyone could recommend a few self help books which would help me understand why I accept such crappy treatment and go for the wrong men? I feel I should stay single but I'd like to get to a place where I really like myself and feel independent etc

twattymctwatterson Mon 12-Dec-16 01:47:32

Sorry that was long and rambling blush

TheSilveryPussycat Mon 12-Dec-16 02:07:33

It wasn't long and rambling smile

Can't think of any books off the top of my head, however taking a long look at yourself in the mirror and seeing the lovely person that you are was the way I started.

Then do the same while smiling smile

WhatsGoingOnEh Mon 12-Dec-16 02:16:23

this is a great book for boosting your self-esteem, and realising why sex-only flings with bad boys can sometimes make you feel awful afterwards. Plus, it's short, funny and not preachy!

overthehillandroundthemountain Mon 12-Dec-16 03:47:38

Please look at the literature on self-compassion. Self-comp is about treating yourself with the same kindness you would reserve for a friend.

It revolves around self-kindness, humanity and the realisation we all make mistakes, and mindfulness.

There is a scale to monitor your score, and more information here:

self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/

jeaux90 Mon 12-Dec-16 07:45:05

I also found the power of now really good to stop the introspective pondering. It's important to understand yourself but it's also important to let yourself enjoy life and the simple things.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 12-Dec-16 07:50:24

Trite though this may sound you need to love your own self for a change.

I would also suggest that you find a good therapist to work with. BACP are good and do not charge the earth. However, counsellors are like shoes so you need to find someone who fits in with you.

Also look at your childhood and the relationship you had with your dad in particular; where is he now?. Did he leave your mother or was he otherwise emotionally absent in your life?. I would start there. We learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents, what did yours teach you?

noego Sat 17-Dec-16 14:59:33

Anything by Byron Katie. She also has you tube video's out showing how she does "the work"

leaveittothediva Sat 17-Dec-16 15:30:13

Byron Katie =Load of old Bollocks, seriously don't bother. You'll need therapy after it. Questioning everything till your blue in the fucking face. Yeah right.

Put yourself first, lots of self care, right foods, hair care, skin care, health care, mental health care, hobbies. Make it all about you. Believe me being in a relationship sucks a lot more often than people admit, if I had the chance to do over, I'd stay single. Less fucking hassle.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now