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Did I say something wrong?

(53 Posts)
dinor Fri 09-Dec-16 19:40:56

Tonight dh mentions he wants to go to a salon tomorrow to get his hair done, and to look for an outfit for his work do next weekend, I said ok we talked about various different hairstyles and I said seems like your just thinking about yourself this weekend, (as we have loads of Xmas shopping to do and still need to take ds to a certain barbers) We've just had a massive argument over that comment. I meant it in a way we have lots to do, he's saying he never buys anything for himself etc and how I brought myself a new coat a few weeks back (wow). He's stormed off naming other things we've argued about recently, says how ungrateful I am, and that I'm not a normal person! Just feel like I've had enough. At first we did try resolving it I tried telling him what I meant but he was twisting and just wouldn't drop it felt like he wanted to argue..

liebstraumNo3 Fri 09-Dec-16 19:47:05

It does sound like you are looking for an argument... ?

user1481255172 Fri 09-Dec-16 19:56:01

Hey sorry to hear you are having this issue.. Can you honestly say that you didn't feel what you said in that context? As he's focusing on himself for an event you and your children are not part of, did that annoy you in any way? Only because if what I just wrote has nothing to do with what was going through your mind and it's taken out of context you should just state it's out of context and if he doesn't accept it just give him space until he realises he jumped the gun. But if it is how you are feeling then you need to voice your concerns and find out what's causing this.

Hope I was able to help and not confuse the hell out lol x

dinor Fri 09-Dec-16 19:59:34

Yeah he's taken it the wrong way, He's acting as if I have problem with him going to get a bloody hair cut! It's so silly. But I just find the storming off shouting, bringing up old arguments saying I'm not a normal person absolutely draining. I don't understand how he can say I have a problem with it when I've just sat and spoke to him about what to have done hmm.

I tried explaining to him what I meant but all I'm getting is no that's annoyed me, that's a piss take.

SoleBizzz Fri 09-Dec-16 20:04:12

Dors sound you were being off with him.

Sweets101 Fri 09-Dec-16 20:08:12

Why shouldn't you have a problem with it? If there'should stuff to be done as/for the family and 1 person wants to opt out for a whole Saturday to get their hair done and go shopping for an outfit I imagine that would be quite annoying. I don't understand why you're not allowed to say so?

user1481255172 Fri 09-Dec-16 20:12:55

Just let it go sounds his getting his nickers in a twist. Just relax and enjoy the rest of your evening if he wants to continue being angry let him be you focus on other things star x

BusterGonad Sat 10-Dec-16 05:45:23

Can you not get your child's hair cut whilst your partner has his done, then meet up after to look for presents and a Xmas do outfit? I'm not really sure what the problem is, I'd just let him do his stuff while I do the other stuff. Or send him off to get his outfit with a list of a few presents to get at the same time.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Sat 10-Dec-16 05:56:19

Can you not get your child's hair cut whilst your partner has his done, then meet up after to look for presents and a Xmas do outfit? I'm not really sure what the problem is, I'd just let him do his stuff while I do the other stuff. Or send him off to get his outfit with a list of a few presents to get at the same time

This!

BusterGonad Sat 10-Dec-16 06:11:10

WhatThe And?????

QforCucumber Sat 10-Dec-16 06:14:18

buster, whatthe is agreeing with you, as do i!

BusterGonad Sat 10-Dec-16 06:15:47

Sorry, I thought I was being flamed. Lol. blush

BusterGonad Sat 10-Dec-16 06:16:04

I'm quite new here!!! grin

Giselaw Sat 10-Dec-16 06:18:02

I would have taken it exactly the same way as him, so not sure why that's the "wrong way". What other way could you interpret "seems like you're just thinking about yourself this weekend"

You communicated it badly, and in a passive aggressive way. He didn't make a mistake "interpreting" what you meant.

You sound overwhelmed with stuff in your head. Tell him, own up to it. Don't try to blame him for "misunderstanding" you.

AmeliaJack Sat 10-Dec-16 06:24:09

It was a strange comment to make to your husband to be honest.

Why not just say "that's fine, here are the other things we have to fit in this weekend."

A gents haircut generally takes about 30 mins it's hardly a large amount of time out of the day.

I can see that shopping for an outfit might take a little while but again why wouldn't you just fit it in.

You must see that it was a rather aggressive way to put things?

CarolOfTheBells Sat 10-Dec-16 06:56:57

I don't think he mis interpreted it either.

FWIW, I would expect to be able to spend some time on my own over the weekend to get my hair cut and pick up a new outfit for a works do, without it being a problem for my partner. In fact, that's exactly what I'm doing today as well. I anticipate it taking no more than 4 hours in total, which leaves the rest of the weekend for all the things I've got to do.

Although, as a single parent, I'm going to have to do all of it, there won't be someone else to pick up the presents while I do my stuff. But I still don't anticipate any problem in getting it all done.

What you mean is that he has thought of something he needs to do this weekend and it clashes with what you want to do and has irritated you.

Does your son have to go to "a certain barbers"? Can they not go to the same one?

This is a case of you needing to manage your expectations rather than him being in the wrong.

BusterGonad Sat 10-Dec-16 06:59:06

I wouldn't want to drag my husband around the shops if I was buying a new outfit, I like to take my time and enjoy it, revisit the same shops etc. I take ages to decide and do not want to feel rushed. I don't even like shopping with my friends. Just me!

AlabasterSnowball Sat 10-Dec-16 09:01:37

Without knowing futher context, it does sound like a bit of a snide comment and would get my back up to TBH.
What age is your DS? Can they not go to get their hair cut together?
I don't see a problem with your Dh wanting to go clothes shopping alone, DH and I never got clothes shopping together, way too stressful and not something worth starting an argument about.

TheNaze73 Sat 10-Dec-16 09:05:30

Sounds like you were trying to kick off on purpose

scottishdiem Sat 10-Dec-16 09:27:09

"I said seems like your just thinking about yourself this weekend"

Is there more underpinning this for it to be said that way? Is there a reason for him, that he knows, that this is a bad thing?

His reaction does suggest this is something that needs looked at as storming off is not the best way to resolve things.

lubeybooby Sat 10-Dec-16 09:30:47

Yes you did say something wrong. I'd have taken it badly too. Wait it out a bit, apologise unreservedly and more importantly bite your lip and stop trying to explain because you're just digging yourself a deeper hole!

MoreGilmoreGirls Sat 10-Dec-16 09:34:37

That comment does sound like you were spoiling for a fight. If my DH said it to me I'd probably be P'd off. Suppose it depends if he's always doing stuff just for himself or if this is a one off. If so let him have his day.

Ohdearducks Sat 10-Dec-16 09:34:57

Well you've basically told him he's selfish for wanting to get his haircut and buy an outfit. I think I'd be a bit pissed off at the insinuation too, instead of finding a way together to organise and fit everything in you've jumped straight to spiteful comments. I wonder if there are underlying issues here to be honest.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Sat 10-Dec-16 09:45:24

Well sounds to me like you were being unnecessarily snipey tbh. How long can a haircut take? Why are you micro-managing another adult's time? Why not just say, 'Yea, well we can do that when we go to get DS's haircut'.
If my DP had said that to me, it would have fucked me off too.

Joysmum Sat 10-Dec-16 10:03:52

My DH would have been told to fuck right off if he'd spoken to me like that!

I understand what you are saying, but your phrasing is terrible.

It's more case of finding out when you can fit in some quality family time and what you can all do together rather than sounding like you are berating him for being selfish.

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