Ok, will try to be brief.
There is a bloke on the periphery of my social circle who I sometimes see when out and about. He is married with children (has been for a long time). I am single.
I first noticed this man gazing at me while I was dancing once (he sings in my favourite local band and I often go with friends to watch them play). Since then he has made his attraction to me pretty obvious - I catch him looking at me all the time, he uses any excuse to touch or hug me, he has this flustered, nervous air around me - it's just kind of there for the world to see. And that's the problem. He either can't (or isn't trying hard enough to) hide his feelings and my concern is people will notice, jump to the wrong conclusion, and think badly. I don't think this concern is unreasonable as a friend of mine noticed immediately and commented, 'Oh gosh, he really likes you doesn't he?'. I snapped at her that he was married, to which she responded that his behaviour didn't mean anything and that he was just being nice.
So my friend thinks he's just being 'nice' and no big deal. But I am uncomfortable. I know where my line is. If he was single I might be interested in pursuing things (I think he's attractive too - I'm not going to feel guilty about that, I'm only human - I can control my actions and keep a lid on my feelings) but he isn't. So for me it's an absolute no-no. And I know that if I was married and my husband behaved with another woman the way he does with me I would be very hurt and upset. So for me it is a big deal. I don't want my reputation to be damaged by people getting the wrong idea and assuming something is going on.
How to handle? I could avoid him completely but that puts the kibosh on a big and enjoyable part of my social life which feels unfair (I'm a single parent and can't get out loads). I have briefly considered saying something to him (along the lines of stop it) but don't actually think that's a very good idea as it opens up a conversation about feelings which I feel crosses a line. There's a party coming up soon which I would like to attend. But I know he's going to be there so am feeling quite ambivalent.
It's hard to know what to do for the best. I feel conflicted. Perhaps my friend is right and it's no biggie? I can be quite serious and intense sometimes. But my gut says this isn't right.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
What would you do? Where is the line here? Is there an acceptable level of flirting when married?
MotherTeresasCat · 08/12/2016 08:16
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