Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ex is a wankbadger!

(8 Posts)
Daisychainsandleather Tue 29-Nov-16 23:08:23

Evening MN
Haven't posted in a long time.
Have been single mum to 2DC under 6 for 3 years. It's been tough but I adore them. Their dad is a cock.
He is in the music industry & there has never been consistency with when he sees DC. It's when it suits him. Never weekends, average one night a month and occasional days for 4-5 hrs. He has started to cancel, change days at last minute (and can't understand how this affects the kids not to mention me & my plans cos how can I possibly have a life?) abd he forgot to collect them at all last wk. He has a famous GF who is now pregnant & they have moved to the capital ( 2 hrs away ). He now wants more overnights because of the distance (suits him) but DC don't want to go! They are now 4&6 & crying saying they don't want to stay with their dad. I've been instigating all overnights & contact with his family for 3 years but seeing them get so upset is making me think 'fuck it!'
What shall I do? Keep trying to make them go? He never listens to them either. Just says they're 'making a fuss' when really they're upset because he's being so crap.

NarcsBegone Tue 29-Nov-16 23:20:13

My ex is also a wankbadger but his gf isn't famous she's just a wankbadgeress.

It is apparently the right thing to do to maintain contact between the dc and wankbadger but if my dc was consistently upset about going and it wasn't a case of needing to go back to court first then I would reduce contact.
Your WB has always been erratic in his contact I would assume because of the nature of his business and one would hope that WB would see the benefit of routine and consistency for his children. Obviously the first step is trying to talk to him about it.
As far as WB's family goes I would talk to them too and explain that they need to put some effort in too.
You're stuck between a rock and a hard place... you stop running after everyone and the dc miss out on seeing their family and you'll get grief or you continue as you are and the dc maintain a relationship but you still get grief.

Daisychainsandleather Tue 29-Nov-16 23:29:18

Hi Narcs
Thanks for posting.
you stop running after everyone and the dc miss out on seeing their family and you'll get grief or you continue as you are and the dc maintain a relationship but you still get grief. Yep!!!!
I have tried so many times to talk to WB. Once when I was much more feisty & angry after we split, via email, text, face to face, he doesn't listen because he is SO important and I am a mere peasant and what do i know and since famous GF came along he is EVEN MORE important and listens even less. So when I say 'your kids are upset! He sneers and says unhelpful things. My blood used to boil all the time. Now it just simmers occasionally.

Daisychainsandleather Tue 29-Nov-16 23:32:51

If I stopped instigating he'd stop seeing them. Apart from when he decides to show them off at Christmas or wants to do a quick Facebook gallery that screams LOOK WHAT A GREAT DAD I AM!

NarcsBegone Tue 29-Nov-16 23:37:00

I understand that feeling well. Everything I say about Ds being upset or worried or affected is disbelieved now and that never used to be the case. I don't have any solutions I'm afraid to say but I'm dealing with a very difficult man who I thought was out of our lives but isn't and there is nothing I can do about it because of Ds (it's complicated). My only suggestion would be to take control but that only works with the right sort of WB and can back fire. It's a horrible position to be in and I'm sorry you're in it.

NarcsBegone Tue 29-Nov-16 23:39:39

It's the pretence of giving a shit when they actually don't that's a real shitter.

Daisychainsandleather Tue 29-Nov-16 23:39:50

Sorry you're in your situation too.
As DC get older I secretly think how life would be easier if he just fucked off now. He just complicates, cancels. & behaves like a teenage twat.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 29-Nov-16 23:50:47

at least he will have a harder job pretending that he is working when he is out with the famousgf, paperazi (sp?)will be your spies. grin (if she is famous enough.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now