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BF wants me to feel the force but I want to feel Andy Carroll

(24 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Onthebl0b Tue 29-Nov-16 23:05:49

I'm new so I don't know how this works or how to say this.

My boyfriend and I have a good relationship but there are times when I'mm lying in bed and he enters donned in a Darth Vader outfit with mask and yelling me to grab his light saber. He refuses to answer to anything other than "Lord Vader" and keeps shouting "I am your father!" as he's mounting me.

I wouldn't mind but the only way I can get in the mood is by thinking of the footballer Andy Carroll. I never want sex anymore with that black mask and heavy breathing bearing down on me, but find it works if I think about Andy and his ponytail. I've never met him but can't help having sexy, embarrassingly wet dreams about him and I'm worried it will affect how I feel about my boyfriend.

What should I do?

PresidentOliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 29-Nov-16 23:10:24

Do or do not.
There is no try.

Crankycunt Tue 29-Nov-16 23:10:53

Get a better hobby.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Tue 29-Nov-16 23:11:46

Take more water with it is my advice!

flightywoman Tue 29-Nov-16 23:12:36

Cosplay is all the rage these days...

BusterTheBulldog Tue 29-Nov-16 23:12:58

Do have a soft spot for andy myself. Wish he'd cut his hair though.

elQuintoConyo Tue 29-Nov-16 23:13:09

Stick his lightsaber up his arse?

Don't shave for a few weeks so you look like a wookie?

Tell him to fuck off?

PickAChew Tue 29-Nov-16 23:13:16

Tell him to fuck of and tend to his own lightsaber.

Onthebl0b Tue 29-Nov-16 23:14:26

Should I buy him a stick on ponytail then?

Gardencentregroupie Tue 29-Nov-16 23:15:11

PresidentOlivia I luffs you

RJnomore1 Tue 29-Nov-16 23:16:17

This isn't going to last long is it?!

acornsandnuts Tue 29-Nov-16 23:16:33

Wear a chewbacca costume and scream wooky at him. That's what I do when I find myself in the exact same situation.

DramaAlpaca Tue 29-Nov-16 23:17:54

PresidentOlivia grin grin grin

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Tue 29-Nov-16 23:18:11

Stick on ponytail = Rodney from Only Fools and Horses, but you could call him Dave for role play wink HTH.

Gardencentregroupie Tue 29-Nov-16 23:18:30

If you get him a stick on ponytail he'll only pretend to be Anakin Skywalker and frankly he's more attractive as Darth

treaclesoda Tue 29-Nov-16 23:19:28

I knew there was something missing in my life. I've never had a man try to have sex with me whilst dressed as Darth Vader.

Am I missing out?

NatalieRushman Tue 29-Nov-16 23:25:37

I'd be a little worried. The fact that he''s saying "I am your father" means he could be mistaking you for his son. That is not the kind of hanky panky I would want to be going on in my bedroom.

mineofuselessinformation Tue 29-Nov-16 23:29:03

Very good. 9 / 10.

mineofuselessinformation Tue 29-Nov-16 23:30:12

P.S. Good on you PresidentOlivia.

CRad Tue 29-Nov-16 23:31:30

Isn't this the pirate thread all over again?

MrsArthurShappey Tue 29-Nov-16 23:34:24

Olivia 😂

TheNaze73 Wed 30-Nov-16 07:28:43

All Andy Carroll would do, is role about on the floor injured.

When wearing the mask, has he made you cross to the dark side?

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 30-Nov-16 11:54:52

Tell him you want a ride in his Death Star first.

CoughingForWeeks Wed 30-Nov-16 12:50:54

TheNaze Best laugh I've had all day, and I've just come from the FB tat thread smile

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