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My husband hurt me so badly!

(4 Posts)
laylaveronica02 Tue 29-Nov-16 10:58:12

Hi all, I really need some support about what is happening in my life.
I have been married 5 years now and we have a lovely boy who is 5 years old. I am 42. Before having my boy my husband and I agreed that if we had kids it would have been more than one. After my boy turned 1, I thought it was a good time to have a second, especially as the big 40 was approaching. My husband was very against it, he started making lots of excuses. He lost his mum when our boy was 1 month old and he told me the main reason was that we were in the process of moving to his mum house, making it a bit better and then sell it and move. Bear in mind that his mum's house was down the road, the house we lived in was our house and we were not going to sell it, just rent it out. We had no rush, so it was actually the least stressful moving ever! Then he started saying that our boy would have not loved him enough if we had a second one. I have to say that our boy was a WONDERFULL accident, he came when my career was having a turning point. It wasn't the best time but I gave up my career move to carry on with my very hard pregnancy with hyperemesis. Three months after having my boy one of the biggest Communication Agencies in the Uk called me for an interview. I passed the first stage of the interview and I was supposed to go for my final, it was my dream job as Project Manager, not far from home. And what my husband did? He got upset for something silly and disappeared last minute so I could not leave my boy and couldn't go to that interview. I was so fuming but I put my baby boy first. And when maternity leave was about to finish I resigned from my current job and started my own business working on it at night. I so did not want to depend on my husband.
Anyway back to the baby, eventually after another year my husband decided we could try. I think he just hoped I would not get pregnant. Unfortunately it took just one attempt and I was pregnant. I was over the Moon and thought he was going to be happy again as he seemed he wanted one. God I was wrong! When I told him his face changed and was so upset. It was evening. I stayed up all night and cried. Then in the morning he would not talk to me and when I tried to confront him he just said "You wanted a baby, you won". I got so mad and we had a huge argument. That night I went to bed and did not feel well. After a couple of hours I woke up and my bed was a pool a blood, we rushed to hospital but unfortunately I had a miscarriage. The following years have been hard. My husband regretted the way he treated me but he has been getting upset every time I talked about it. In fact he never really wanted to talked about it as he feels guilty and he has been going cold when I really need some support. I stayed with him mainly because my boy loves him and because I still wanted another one. Funnily enough, when my husband finally realized my time was running out and he actually wanted another child and asked me to try again it was just after my sister had a stillborn at full term. I mean, seriously? We had just buried my baby boy nephew, how could I do that to my sister?
Time now has passed and I think my hope was adopting or having naturally another one, but I now realize I am 42 (nearly 43) and probably is never going to happen. I am so upset, hurt and I am not sure if trying to work things out or chuck him out. He has been so so so selfish, I am trying to find a way to forgive him but at the moment I am so upset, especially as I really want another one. I know I should cherish what I have, and I have a beautiful boy I love and a successful business but I really can't say I have a happy family and a husband who loves me.

scallopsrgreat Tue 29-Nov-16 11:26:45

Hi Layla. I would say that there were a couple of red flags in your post. The fact that he sabotaged your interview being a big one. He has effectively done the same with you having another child.

He makes all situations about him. You had a n=miscarriage, he was, quite frankly cruel, but it is now all about him being upset.

I don't think you'll ever get the emotional support you deserve out of him. He isn't going to change so it just depends on how long you want to carry on like this.

So sorry about your miscarriage too flowers.

Happybunny19 Tue 29-Nov-16 11:33:37

You need individual counselling. You don't seem to have been able to grieve properly following your loss due to your husband's incredible selfishness. I would say don't necessarily assume your time is up, I am 42 and had my lovely surprise last dd in May. I found it far easier and quicker conceiving then than when I tried getting pregnant at 30. However, do you really want to do that with your husband? Tbh he sounds selfish, controlling and unloving.

LIZS Tue 29-Nov-16 11:40:17

What are his redeeming features? It all sounds such an effort, what do you get in return. Tbh you might be better off without him than trying for another baby in such an unsupportive relationship.

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