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Has anyone managed to live happily ever after with abusive ex still nearby?

(5 Posts)
Jules8432 Mon 28-Nov-16 23:00:57

Ok so I have posted on here before but I literally have no one to talk to and I've hit rock bottom

It's come to light I can't afford to move away.
Abusive ex recently moved to top of my road with pregnant gf.
My son hates it and is being difficult because of it. he always wanted a sibling and now his only one is about to live up the road that he'll never know because it might be taken into care and he doesn't want to know his dad)

I haven't had a relationship for 9 years due to not really liking men or wanting to wind ex up or get the new guy harmed as ex is v violent and always said he would never see me with anyone else.

Our child is now 15 (he's not allowed contact by ss) all of a sudden I realise that actually all I've done is bob along hoping to be left alone but by doing that I've not progressed at all.
I'm now near mid 30's, tired, skint, losing my looks (not that I was an oil painting before) I used to be full of life, into art, drama singing, had a real lust for life.. then I fell pregnant after a 1 night stand and my parents made me keep the baby (if only I'd known what was to come)
I love my son but if I'd know then what I know now I would've moved far far away a long time ago.

I'm stuck with no money, no freedom, no piece of mind, no companion or support, soon no kid and it's like.. I've lived my life from 21 by his rules and now I'm hitting an age that men won't want me anyway, let alone the fact I'm damaged goods.

I literally don't see anyway out, the hardest part is seeing how this is affecting my son. Teachers say he's lost his confidence, is more withdrawn.. makes me so angry my ex has done nothing but abuse us, never paid a penny or put our son 1st. But yet gets to do whatever he wants,

I feel completely trapped and HOPELESS.

Sorry for being a Debbie downer everyone x

Tiredbutnotyetretired Mon 28-Nov-16 23:48:22

What a shit situation op, to still feel like You are under someone elses control, really though, its your life!! Dont let it pass you by any longer, start looking at ways to change your current circumstances little by little, things will look up wen you start to truly believe in yourself. Imagine the life you want and keep that image in your mind and STRIVE for it.
Praying for you tonight op, that things start to work out in your favour very soon x flowers

jeaux90 Tue 29-Nov-16 06:33:42

Hey Jules, big hug. When I first left my abusive ex I had to live near by because he wouldn't let me leave the country with my dd (a long story with a happy ending)

Can I ask you, with the constraints of money etc what small things have you thought about changing that would make you happier? Or even bigger things? Like work, doing a local am dram club etc? I found it started with the small things. Xxx

Jules8432 Tue 29-Nov-16 07:22:59

Thanks for your replies smile

I have tried so many things to change my life but I realise now it all means nothing without peice of mind.
It's like I'm just skirting around the issue.

I can't move my son either because he's getting ready to do GCSEs and he's got all his friends and support network here as do I but I feel so trapped in my life I literally feel what is the point 😞

in life you work hard and do your best to progress and evolve I just sit here like a waiting target for the next time he gets drunk and wants to come and damage my property.
And the saddest thing is I don't even care anymore. I feel completely defeated.

After all the tears, prayers, counselling, jobs, lists of hopes & dreams, making sure my son wanted for nothing god has moved my violent ex and his gf into my life where I see them in my local shops and walk past their road everyday.

It's just so unfair x

ofudginghell Tue 29-Nov-16 07:44:44

Sorry your feelin crap and are in this position

Your son needs to see a strong independent women that loves life and makes the best of a situation as that will give him the confidence and courage he needs to start life with.

Every time you see him don't acknowledge him and if he turns up near your house ring the police. Every single time.
Do you work?if not a job in school hours would get you out and about around others and you would gain confidence then.
Don't let his presence destroy the rest of your life. Every time you have a wobble remind yourself you can do it and be happy.
Your sadness is giving him fuel to continue.
Maybe start a cbt or mindfulness course to learn to look outside of the box abut more.
I really hope you get some support op xx

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