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How would you feel about this...

(48 Posts)
Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 19:11:14

Mil and sil have told DP they want to see my lb of 9month more and on his own...without me there ...they want to be "in charge" . How would you feel?

FinallyHere Mon 28-Nov-16 19:12:29

I would feel glad to be for-warned, so I could make sure to avoid it ever happening.

category12 Mon 28-Nov-16 19:13:58

Offering to babysit and give you a break is one thing. Wanting to have the dc on their terms and 'being in charge' is odd, to me.

Blossomdeary Mon 28-Nov-16 19:18:00

Don't even go there - it is all arse about tit. She should be offering to be involved in ways that will help you, not demanding what she wants with no reference to you as the parent. They have no right to be "in charge" - he is not their child. Just say no!

ifeeltheneedtheneedforspeed Mon 28-Nov-16 19:18:06

Why do they need to see him without you there?
No way would I allow this and I think their demands may get worse over time. Stand your ground and only do what you are comfortable with. Good luck.

Blossomdeary Mon 28-Nov-16 19:21:49

By the way I am a grandma and know that I do not have rights of any kind over my GC. I offer help, or respond positively when asked but I have no right at all to demand to have the children - they are not mine for goodness sake! In fact we do care for them regularly and we are for that time "in charge" but on the parents' terms, not ours. We have had our go at being parents and now we have a new role which we can enjoy.

BTW 9 months is classic separation anxiety time and that would be an issue in any event.

bummymummy77 Mon 28-Nov-16 19:23:48


Happybunny19 Mon 28-Nov-16 19:32:56

And it's a no from me.

Are they always like this with /about you? How rude, controlling and inappropriate. I wouldn't want either of them looking after him at all. What is it like under their regime?

Does your dp agree with their outrageous request?

FuckingHellz Mon 28-Nov-16 19:40:28

Completely agree with Finally

happypoobum Mon 28-Nov-16 19:42:47

Tell DP that it isn't happening. What does he have to say about it?

Ask exactly what it is they want to do with your baby that they cannot do in your presence? That should make them squirm.

IrnBrufan Mon 28-Nov-16 19:45:23

My inlaws are the same - desperate to see my child without me being there. I don't really get it myself, the fact that they are so desperate to be alone with her makes me quite uncomfortable wondering what they can't say/do when I'm there. It's strange but I think it's fairly common confused

Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 19:48:20

Well I actually posted a bit about it last night. DP says try not to take it to heart that it's just because of things like when I'm there they're frightened to take him out the pushchair or pick him up like those kinds of things. It's making me ILL with upset that Iv tried to involve them in everything from the start and been nothing but nice (Iv had so much crap off them on my mat leave) and it's really came between me and DP. Obv he's stuck in middle. He does support me and knows they can be huffy and sour faced but on this one he's kinda playing it down. Iv got son in good routine, naps , has a good diet well looked after etc ha but they see this as "too many rules" .... they're taking him out for a few hours on Wednesday and I'm trying to see it as "well I can get my ironing done " haha but I'm absolutely dreading even setting eyes on them. All this has made me end up mild pnd, and it's pushing me and DP further apart. Thing is the way I am ATM one more bad word and I know I'll lose it!

happypoobum Mon 28-Nov-16 19:49:54

Why are they taking him? Put your foot down. This is making you ILL.

Why can't you say no?

FurryLittleTwerp Mon 28-Nov-16 19:55:39

Why do they need to play with your baby by themselves? He's not a doll. confused hmm

Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 19:58:26

Well I no what you're all going to say about this...but when I go bk to work in January she's having him for a day and so is my mam. Obv childcare is so expensive. I am just going to see how it goes....but he's not just my baby is he...obv partner doesn't want his family missing out and I try to think of my son missing out on nice afternoons out ....I'm absolutely fed up honestly

AndWhat Mon 28-Nov-16 19:58:58

Going a bit against the grain. I don't agree with those words but I do enjoy spending time with my niece with and without my SIL (just so I can spoil her) and I know she feels the same about my son.
Could it be they meant something like this but just haven't worded it properly?

AndWhat Mon 28-Nov-16 20:00:24

Oh cross post if it's making you ill it's just plain wrong

Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 20:00:25

I was thinking about making that day her day it's set and that's it. Anymore shit and moans after that....that'll be it

Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 20:02:08

ANDWHAT yeah I think that's kinda what partner is saying they mean.

BurningBridges Mon 28-Nov-16 20:06:03

My SiL did this exact same thing 15 years ago and I haven't spoken to her for 15 years. Result!

category12 Mon 28-Nov-16 20:10:05

Eh, you're going to have trouble setting boundaries if you are dependent on them for childcare in the new year.

It might not be a bad thing for them to take him on their own to get used to it, tbh, if they're going to have him two days a week. It makes it a bit different to me, because they are going to be in charge as such.

I would be dubious that the benefit of having them as your childcare might be outweighed by their upsetting attitudes to you.

winkywinkola Mon 28-Nov-16 20:10:15

It would make me feel panicky and upset that these people didn't regard me and my baby as a unit. That I wasn't needed.

And that if they could they really would take my baby away from me.

So I wouldn't allow this.

It's a big difference between offering to help and actively wanting to get you, the mum, out of the picture.

It happened to me. It wasn't pretty but they understand now that they are not in charge of anyone least of all my dcs. They babysit sometimes and it is all fine.

Sometimes you really have to put your foot down and just say no.

category12 Mon 28-Nov-16 20:10:35

Sorry, one day a week.

Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 20:12:30

Well Iv just asked my other sil (on my side) about this. She's a bit more laid bk than me obv! She says she would say "great come take him now give me a break" .

Conlinee Mon 28-Nov-16 20:14:22

It's just constantly at the forefront of my mind thinking this is going to split us up

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