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Finding that spark again

(1 Post)
WhycantIhavearealwand Mon 28-Nov-16 14:37:38

Recently several couples we know have had trial separations. Some are trying again now, but it's not looking too positive tbh. Depression, terminal illness and pregnancy losses have all been apparent triggers (to me anyway) but a lot of discussion is also around one of the partners (often the man, not always) feeling their sex life and intimacy has gone and they're living as friends not lovers.

I am worried DH and I are slipping into this 🙁 After I had DC2 my sex drive came back fine. Then I went onto contraception and couldn't bear to be touched. It got better when I came off contraception but recently I've started feeling similar. It has been a hard year- I've had a close family member diagnosed with cancer and I've had a health scare myself. I'm still having ongoing health problems that are affecting any sex life we do have. I've also taken on a more senior position in my organisation and DH has started a new business. DC2 still doesn't sleep and we're both knackered.

On paper there are lots of reasons why we're not having as much sex as we would like to, but I'm worried we're losing touch with who we were as a couple. DH is unhappy we don't have more sex and feels like even when we do I'm not really bothered it is him. I find it so hard to detach myself from all the day to day that this is plausible, often the only way I can get aroused is to imagine a completely different situation or different person sad I find it hard to disassociate myself and DH from the kids and all the domestic stuff. However when we went on holiday things were much better on that front.

I absolutely do love him and when we were first together the chemistry was immense. After we got married that changed for a while and then picked up again. Back then it was DH who had issues and I was willing to change the pace of our sex life while he processed those (a lot tied up in an old relationship breakdown which had triggered severe depression and anxiety). My instinct is that this is a point in my life that I can't feel sexy on a regular basis because there is so much else going on but he's not giving me the same courtesy of giving me space. My fear is that maybe we have lost our spark. It is very much still there for him though, so I guess my fear is it's my fault and I've lost it.

I suppose I'm seeking reassurance. Is it possible to get through the small DC not sleeping and being demanding 24/7 and come out the other side? Will it pick up?

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