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Trying not to contact ex, anyone else?

(10 Posts)
TheRavensFeather Mon 28-Nov-16 14:15:39

Recent break up. Still very sore. No kids involved.

I don't have any friends so this person was a big part of my support system. I'm finding it very hard not to contact.

Even if it's just fighting and slinging mud through messages it feels better than not talking at all sad which is ridiculous.

I have MH issues so have just been trying to sleep alot so the days pass quicker.

Hermonie2016 Mon 28-Nov-16 14:26:37

I'll join you - we do have Dc's so need some contact but agree I want to stop discussing the relationship or mud slinging.

I won't need to see him for a few weeks and perhaps an email or two for Christmas dates but otherwise tomorrow will be Day1 of no contact.

How long were you together? 15 years for us

TheRavensFeather Mon 28-Nov-16 14:29:50

It wasn't a long relationship but very intense. About 18 months long but came after my marriage broke down.

It's been 24 hours since last contact. This is the longest we haven't spoken since we met.

OnMyShoulders Mon 28-Nov-16 14:38:44

My circumstances are different to yours but I too am trying to find the strength, self respect and dignity not to make contact. I hate myself for being so weak.

TheRavensFeather Mon 28-Nov-16 14:49:55

Its so hard. And I feel like it's made worse with there being so many ways to keep in contact now. I've had to block FB, whatsapp, Skype, emails etc to try and stop my self from just 'sending a quick message'

TheSockGoblin Mon 28-Nov-16 14:55:52

Try to remind yourself that in the long run the horrible contact will make you feel worse than no contact at all. In the moment any kind of contact feels good, even fighting, as somewhere inside you it makes you feel like you both still care.

But the thing is you do both still care, that doesn't just magically change overnight. Try to tell yourself you don't need it confirmed via arguing.

I'm all for expressing when we are hurt and so on, but if you've done that then it's time to stop repeating the same stuff and wounding each other more.

On a practical note distraction like mad for a good deal of the time. Exercise is good if you can manage to. But then taking some time to meditate and actually let yourself feel everything without trying to change it is also really good too, it really does help. It doesn't feel great at the time, no, but after it helps to shift all the bottled up feelings etc.

Writing unsent letters can be good.

Reminding yourself that it will pass, that it does take time but a lot of the contact thing is habitual can also help. You've got through heartbreak before, you can get through this one.


Crazycat1980 Mon 28-Nov-16 18:27:28

I was like that for about a month - 6 weeks and now it's been about 6 weeks NC and it does slowly get easier but I still do a fair bit if Facebook stalking

BillericayDuckie Mon 28-Nov-16 19:32:13

I did my best not to contact my ex after I moved out, but in a weak moment (after a couple of drinks!) I poured out my heart in a text to him. The message I got in return was harsh to say the least!

Wish I'd just left it!

TheRavensFeather Mon 28-Nov-16 19:37:07

Failed miserably

I think she must have me blocked anyway so may never see it

HoneyBeeMum1 Tue 29-Nov-16 15:05:46

I am so sorry to hear of your pain Raven.

It must be so difficult to resist contacting your ex, but if you do succeed, you will feel better much sooner. You will also keep your self respect which will help your recover.

Do see your doctor if you have not already done so. Medication and other therapies can help with MH problems and help to distract you from your urge to contact your ex.

Good luck, I hope you feel better soon. flowers

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