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Feeling guilty for talking about DP

(4 Posts)
brooke040 Sun 27-Nov-16 19:39:51

To cut a long story short, when me and DP had just started dating there was a period of time where he wasn't treating me particularly well and I was really down about it. During this time I confided in a few of my very closest friends for advice and to talk about my feelings, as I have a history of anxiety/depression and didn't want things to escalate if I kept everything to myself..

These close friends were really supportive and helped me through a tough time, and this was within the first few months of me and DP casually dating.

I really didn't expect me and DP to work things out but somehow we did and I'm happier than ever. But I can't shake off this nagging guilt that I'd spoken about things with my close friends, which probably had not painted the prettiest picture of him as a person sad quite a bit of time has passed since all the drama, but I'm not sure what I should do about how I feel right now.

I didn't confide in my friends to have a moan or complain about him, it was purely for emotional support but I did tell them what my worries were involving DP and the way he had treated me, as I wasn't sure if I was being taken advantage of, or disrespected. I probably went into more detail than necessary and jumped to conclusions at the time, and I now know how I felt wasn't completely accurate. blush I 'm not sure if I should clear things up with the friends I spoke to, or speak to DP about how I feel? But I don't want to un necessarily drag up things!

Any advice would be really appreciated. blush sad flowers x

BumDNC Sun 27-Nov-16 19:48:41

I have a friend in this exact situation. At the time we all told her to leave and she chose not to so now our friendships are all strained. I am not sure what the answer is. We can't undo the conversations but we are still friends, but sadly I think I respect her a lot less now. I think it may have been different to your case as this guy is an abusive arsehole and he still is, she's just decided to learn to live with it. We were worried about her and wanted to help. We still worry so don't want to cut her off. If you DP has not really done anything wrong then speak out to your friends about how you acted a bit OTT about it all and that you are happy. But they might feel they got concerned about you only for you to take no advice. It's hard with friends as you ask for advice and don't always take it

booellesmum Sun 27-Nov-16 19:53:41

Next time you are chatting mention something nice he has done and say you are soooo glad all your initial worries were unfounded. That way you won't have to bring it up as a fresh topic.

brooke040 Sun 27-Nov-16 20:12:24

BumDNC - Can completely understand why you would feel that way if he is abusive, DP has never been abusive but just became really emotionally distant and seemed to disappear at a time he promised to support me when a really stressful event happened in my personal life. So it was more my friends thinking he was acting like a bit of an idiot, but nothing too severe. They were all mainly supporting me through the personal event but it was definitely another blow that I felt he'd let me down, so I'm more worried about my friends looking down on him now when he is actually a lovely guy, and that just wasnt his finest moment.

Booellesmum - Good idea, thank you! I definitely want them to know a bit more about the positive parts of him. smile flowers

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