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Help, don't know what to do

(6 Posts)
LilyFlower2222 Sun 27-Nov-16 12:08:30

Married for 14 years, 3 DC. Having some with husband past few months and he's not been able to maintain he's erection or come. He's been very depressed about this. I've been supportive and said we can work through this. Today he says he wants different things during sex, anal, strap on, water sports, etc. Am not comfortable with this and my heart is shattered. I don't know what to do. I can't be with him knowing am affecting he's sex life. Am saddened by this after all these years I didn't realise how much he wanted to do these things.

user1477054316 Sun 27-Nov-16 16:09:03

I'm so sorry, it sounds like your carrying a lot of the blame here when in reality I think there may be a high chance your husband has been watching porn in private to the point where it's affected his ability to have physical sex and is now requesting lots of new 'porn type' sex from you. I'd advise you to have an open discussion with him and see where you can go from here but I image this is more about your husband and not about you.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 27-Nov-16 19:54:29

As I see it, you're not "affecting his sex life" so much as he's affecting yours by making requests that you're not comfortable with.

I agree with the above poster that your h has most probably become addicted to porn and I suspect that he has engaged in some of the sexual practices he wants you to provide with women that he has paid to fulfil his requirements.

Do you have access to his computer/phone history?

LilyFlower2222 Mon 28-Nov-16 09:18:53

This is not the first time he's struggled with maintaining an erection. We've tried to talk about it but it always ends with him saying hurtful things towards me especially if I suggest changing some of he's lifestyle habits e.g gym supplements. This was the worst one when he tried to dtd without an erection and I said to just leave it. He's been angry since and that's when he said he wants me to do all the things he's mentioned as normal (already doing other things) is not doing anything for him. I told him am happy to experiment but there's certain things I'm not prepared to do. He says he'll walk out as he's asking me to help him and am refusing. He's got a password on he's phone so can't check it.

anxiousnow Mon 28-Nov-16 09:41:35

Op this must be horrible for you. As others have said, he may have been watching porn. Another idea might be that he needs to go to the doctors. Some men see this as weakness and then blame the partner as they don't want to admit there is a problem. Less of a man etc. He may be grasping at straws thinking he needs more to maintain when really he just needs the doctor. I am not making excuses for his treatment of you at all btw and do not be bullied into doing anything you are uncomfortable with. If you were open to trying new things he us not approaching it the right way at all. Sometimes people attack as a defence.

hellsbellsmelons Mon 28-Nov-16 09:46:45

He's a porn hound.
How horrible for you that he is making this your fault for not the doing the things he wants.
And from your list, I don't blame you.
Each to their own but none of that is for me either.
If he wants to go then I suggest you let him.
He won't know what he's lost until it's gone.
And by the way, even if you did all of those things it wouldn't make a difference.
He can only come using the 'death grip' I would imagine.
Don't demean yourself to please your porn addicted DH.
He now views women differently after watching them for so long and wanking off to them.
I'd not want him near me!

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