Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I had to call the Police last night

(10 Posts)
LeavesBlowingInTheWind Sun 27-Nov-16 11:55:46

STBXH came round to my house last night after an argument over the phone about Christmas. I had already told him that I didnt want to discuss it anymore that evening.
He was banging on the door and windows demanding to come in, then tried to break in through the window.
Youngest DC(11) getting v upset so I had no choice to phone the Police.
He had gone by the time the Police got here but they were very good; took statements and when they left my house, were on their way to arrest him.

We have been seperated for a year (my decision) but he is adamant that me and the 3DC will return to him.
He is blocking and delaying the legal process to divorce.

I really wanted to co-parent the DC but now they want nothing to do with him; and I dont blame them.

Can anyone advise what happens next? I think my DTD(16) will want to see him to make sure he's ok( she has a kinder heart than me!!)

pickledparsnip Sun 27-Nov-16 12:02:36

That must have been really scary and upsetting for you all. Sorry I don't have any advice, but I hope you're all OK

Jojoross Sun 27-Nov-16 12:14:55

Hello LeavesBlowingInTheWind,
I am new on here today and was drawn to your post.
Im going to keep my comment simple and hope I don't offend.
Well done on calling the Police last night (too many people are afraid to do this).
Stick to your guns LBITW. Im going to bet that your XH will give up before you will. He is using bullying tactics to try and reassert control. Sounds like youre doing the right things. Report all abusive/controlling/acts of violence and damage to the police.
As regard co parenting, it is the ideal but may be too soon for that as he is clearly more concerned with getting at you and is deluded in believing you will return to him.
What happens next? older children can decide for themselves if they see him, as long as you think they are safe there. If you need more support with this contact CAFCASS or your solicitor. Let them liase with him so you don't have to.
He cant delay the divorce forever, after 2 years of separation he cannot contest it anyway (yes Im sure another year feels too long).
You may want to consider an injunction or none molestation order in the mean time. Good luck LBITW! Stay strong xx

Mamabear14 Sun 27-Nov-16 13:56:16

When my exH was resisting divorce, the solicitor did something where it meant a bailiff was called in to hand the papers to him. It meant he didn't have to sign it, just take it and that was as good as done. And as far as I'm aware he HAD to take it. It was less than 2yrs after marriage too. Could you look into that? Might make him believe you are serious.
And well done for calling the police! Hopefully it gives him a wake up call.

goddessofsmallthings Sun 27-Nov-16 18:23:16

Do you have a solicitor? If he's failing to return the papers in a timely manner, talk to them about having your petition/other documents deemed served and also about obtaining a non-molestation order that will prohibit him from coming within a proscribed distance of you/your home.

Alternatively, find your nearest Women's Aid service here and give them a call to source recommendations for solicitors who are experienced in dv cases and can make application for a non-mol or talk you through the process which is simple and unlikely to be refused as you will be able to cite the police report that will have been compiled following last night's incident.

I would suggest you make this a priority as the festive season may cause him to make further attempts to reconcile against your will.

LeavesBlowingInTheWind Sun 27-Nov-16 18:36:05

Thank you for the replies. I do have a solicitor and have emailed her reguarding last night.
Update from the Police-he was charged and will be kept in Police custody until court on Tues.
Eldest DD a bit upset as we thought he would be allowed home and she is feeling responsiblesad
Not sure now whats going to happen at Christmas now but will worry about that after Tues!

GreenAndWinter Sun 27-Nov-16 18:54:24

Please tell your eldest DD that this her dad's fault and not hers. He is entirely responsible for his own behaviour and will have to deal with the consequences. Calling the police was absolutely the right thing to do.

I agree that a non-molestation order would be a good idea. You should have no trouble getting one, given what he has done.

I feel your pain about the divorce process being delayed. You can get the papers served on him by a court bailiff or process server - this has been the only way of making my STBXH take any notice, and he is still being as obstructive as he can. It will all work out in the end, and refusing to co-operate won't look good for these silly men in the long run.

I hope you're all recovering from the shock of what has happened. It must have been scary for you all.

LeavesBlowingInTheWind Sun 04-Dec-16 19:01:12

A week after the event and all has been relatively quiet thank goodness!
STBXH is not allowed to come to the house or contact me but he has seen the eldest DC briefly (their choice).

Onto Christmas. DD(11) is adamant she does not want to see STBXH.
However they have not seen their paternal GPs for a year and all would like to see them at some point over Christmas.

GPs live 300miles from us but only 150 from my parents. I have suggested to the DC that I will offer to meet the GPs half way between my parents and STBXH parents for lunch somewhere.

I feel a little anxious about seeing them after whats happened and I'm not even sure they will know about recent events. If so, they wont understand why their son cant be part of this get-together.

None of this is the fault of GPs but
the needs of the DC are paramount.

Do you think this is a fair solution?

goddessofsmallthings Sun 04-Dec-16 23:29:25

I think your solution is both reasonable and equitable. I hope the proposed lunch goes well and that your stbx has had the decency to appraise his dps vis-à-vis the reason why he can't be present.

However, unless imposed by a court of law, it's probable that any restraint or constraint he's currently subjected to will be temporary and I again suggest that you apply for a non-mol which, if granted, will remain in force for a period of not less than 6 months or more than a year.

Memoires Mon 05-Dec-16 00:05:19

I think that sounds like the best compromise. Do you think they'll agree to it; most important, will they stick to it and NOT bring their son along at the last minute if they don't know the latest happenings?

I think you'll have to tell them, and make it very very clear that if he is there you and the children and leave immediately.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now