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My partner is leaving.... devastated 😢

(10 Posts)
WeirdQueen Sat 26-Nov-16 20:32:50

Hi everyone.
This is my first time ever posting... but I love this page so much.
So... my partner of 10 years who I have 2 children with will move out on Monday and I'm absolutely heartbroken 😢
I can't stop crying... I wait of course till the kids are in bed but I just don't know what to do. There's so many things going on in my head... and I've no proper friends and no family! Basically nobody! Only mama at school but no friends more acquaintances.
How do I tell my beautiful babies ? What do I say... and when?
My heart absolutely breaks for them but what can I do?
He doesn't love me anymore apparently 😢😢😢
Also we're renting and I won't be able to pay the rent on my own without being eligible for rent allowance because I haven't worked a certain amount of weeks in Ireland. I'm not originally from here.
Then I'm terrified of the split homes for my kids.
I'd never stop them from seeing their dad of course but to be totally honest I dread those days already. They are my everything.
But I'll do what's best for them and that means letting them go of course.
My little man will be so upset I just know it. And because I am too I've no idea how to stay strong.
I'm not strong enough for this pain... my soon to be ex doesn't care how I feel.. he's fast asleep without a care in the world.
I feel like a little child who just wants to run away back home to my mum. But obviously I wouldn't rip the kids away from everything they're used to.
I just feel really really lonely and all alone. I put on a brave face all day but feel like I'm breaking down now.
And my best friend doesn't care how I feel cause he doesn't love me anymore.
Please help me. X

Ballstowinplease Sat 26-Nov-16 20:36:38

Oh love. You won't always feel like this. I'm sorry i don't have much advice other than you should focus on your kids. I swear one day you will find someone else who loves you. flowers

CocktailQueen Sat 26-Nov-16 20:37:11

I'm so sorry. flowers

What a shock for you. I guess you need some legal advice - money your h needs to pay you, any benefits you can claim? Are you married? Has this come out of the blue?

Re telling the kids, I suggest you agree what to tell them and you are there while h tells them. Don't tell them yourself; he should explain to them.

Huge hugs.

Cary2012 Sat 26-Nov-16 20:46:45

Bless you my lovely, take it from one who's been there, it feels like the end of the world, but it isn't. You will get through this. Right now, just get through an hour at a time and go easy on yourself.

MrOod Sat 26-Nov-16 20:50:56

The only way to survive is to keep out your mind. Feel the pain in your body, feel the wretchedness in your belly, feel your love for your kids, stay in the body as much as you possibly can. Going into your mind, going over it in your head will make it so much worse.

You are alive, you are healthy, you have your children, you can survive. Your heart is breaking, don’t try and escape that by thinking. You can handle the pain, but you can’t handle the worry, the fear, the hope —nobody can. Stay in the body and do what can be done NOW.

NOW you must clean up, NOW you must phone the bank, NOW you must go to bed and close your eyes and be with the pain (and so on). You can only act NOW — not tomorrow. Stay NOW as much as you can, and you’ll get through it, and you’ll be a kinder, sweeter, more intelligent, more aware person for it. Flee into worry, hope, desperation — or, worse, drink — and your choices will be awful and your heart harden, or you’ll fall apart.

NOW you can make the right choices, even if they are insanely difficult. NOW there is, even amongst the pain and confusion and stress love, love for your children, and even, somewhere, love for your life. Stay with the FEELING of love.

Life will look after you. You’ll do it.

WeirdQueen Sat 26-Nov-16 20:57:18

Thank you for your replies .
Not totally out of the blue, it's about many things. He looses his temper quickly he doesn't physically hurt anyone but gets angry quickly. I've felt like whatever I do is never good enough for him. he's said he gets so frustrated cause it's boring in the bedroom. HE used to be so kind, adoring me, doing anything for me. I feel it is boring ... to be honest I've no real sex drive anymore. I've tried to pretend but he obviously feels it's not right. I don't look at him thinking he's sexy anymore and it must be absolutely devastating for him. but I haven't told him this. I'm not sure whether it's just me or whether it's because he's constantly giving out about anyone, his constant tantrums don't help and he can get very mean verbally.
He's told me many times and I've tried to find my libido but I just can't.
So he's told me he doesn't love me anymore and can't even get excited anymore about being with me.
Almost everything's packed up now and he's leaving Monday.
I feel so broken for the kids. I never wanted to hurt them and maybe I've just chosen the wrong person to have as their dad. I know he's going to make things difficult for me at any stage he can. 😢

WeirdQueen Sat 26-Nov-16 21:02:00

MrOod
Thank you

HeavenlyEyes Sat 26-Nov-16 22:19:33

so he is emotionally abusive and tells you to find your libido? Sorry but I think it is good he is leaving. What a way to treat you. Has he got someone else?

Neverreturnstothreads Sat 26-Nov-16 22:50:39

I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation, but from what you have said, it does sound like this relationship is well and truly dead in the water.

You don't fancy him any more and he has anger management issues.

I don't know anything about Family Law in Ireland but hopefully someone wise will be along soon. Are you married? How old are the DC?

You can, and you will get through this. flowers

CatBallou2 Sat 26-Nov-16 23:23:47

How awful for you. So sorry that you're going through this.

When you are able to, contact Citizens Information, and they will help you to work out what assistance you might be able to get: www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social_welfare/social_welfare_payments/social_welfare_payments_to_families_and_children/one_parent_family_payment.html

Also, maybe One Family will be able to offer you support: onefamily.ie

There's a website called Mums Town, that may he able to offer support and advice. www.mumstown.ie/forum/viewforum.php?f=81

Sorry that I can't offer practical advice, but I do live in Ireland and hope that these can help in some way.

Hope links work.

You'll be ok very soon.

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