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I need it blunt and honest.

(204 Posts)
Raineau Sat 26-Nov-16 19:18:05

Hello everyone, I'm hoping to get advice I probably already know but for whatever reasons am not listening to it. I'm mid 30's and have a child. I have been on my own since my husband left me pregnant to run off with his affair (haven't seen him since nor has my child) this is 9 years ago now.
Someone from work made a online dating page for me and I met a man a few years older than myself this was 7 years ago now. We would speak on face time and the speaking become daily. I would call him at all times and he has always picked up. He used to flirt with me and it went a little further than flirting as I thought we would meet up but he never asked. I would ask him but when the day would come around he would act as if I hadn't asked. So we have never met in person, only face time. I have his address as he does mine and I have checked him out and he lives alone. He tells me he has feelings for me and that he see's our lives together in the further but makes no attempt to make that happen. I have been honest with him and told him I'm beyond fed up of this but feel as if I'm now forcing him to meet me and if I have to do that I would rather it not happen.

He has told me that the last time he was with someone was a few months before he met me and he has been single all this time.

I feel as if this man have emotionally trapped me and I feel as if I can't step away but it's all so very strange and wrong.

What do I do?

Cricrichan Sat 26-Nov-16 19:22:31

This has been going on for 7 years??

Myusernameismyusername Sat 26-Nov-16 19:24:59

You need to cut him off. Block. Go cold turkey. Whatever his issues are, I don't think things will change after 7 years. And you should be free. Who knows the reasons why it's ended up like this but it's almost like an easy fantasy for you both, where you can't really get hurt if you don't meet. But you are hurting because you have invested so much.

When you cut him off you will feel lost, you will need to fill this time with social things and friends and clearing your head.

You need to be free from this trapped feeling

ImprovingMyMH Sat 26-Nov-16 19:24:59

Wow, 7 years, I missed that. You shouldn't put your real life on hold for any longer for this man. Give him an
ultimatum, then move on if needed.

Lots of luck.

Bluntness100 Sat 26-Nov-16 19:27:24

I'm also slightly confused, is It really seven years and you've never met?

Justmuddlingalong Sat 26-Nov-16 19:28:05

Hard though it is, walk away now. He is keeping you hanging, stopping you from meeting someone and having a ‘proper' relationship. Ignore, block and walk away. You have wasted 7 years waiting for him. Don't waste another second. Good luck.

jeaux90 Sat 26-Nov-16 19:34:48

Sounds like a catfish to me. Walk away and crack on with your life xxx

Raineau Sat 26-Nov-16 19:36:34

Sadly yes seven years. It was a safe thing at first I went along with the taking things slow then 6 months turned into a year and so on.

He kind of starts crying when I say I can't do this anymore and he tells me that he loves me and will be here for me whenever I need him.
But the truth is that he always picks up the phone but he isn't there for me. I once asked him to come around and sleep with me and sent photos (the nan didn't turn up) he said he was shy. But he has had one night stands but clearly doesn't want them with me.

I feel like I have gone mad and I'm sucked into this weird fake relationship that feels real.

Classybird36 Sat 26-Nov-16 19:37:16

Just stop and take some time to look at the reality of the situation. You've already wasted a huge amount of time on a fantasy. Just imagine the decent men you've missed out on for the sake of a dream! It's not too late though - walk away immediately, cut him out of your life with surgical precision and don't make the same mistake again because life is too short xxx

Raineau Sat 26-Nov-16 19:38:06

Sorry about the spelling I was typing while walking.

Pollyanna9 Sat 26-Nov-16 19:41:32

He's a fantasist and/or also a catfish.

Kill it off seriously. Some guys just enjoy talking about it and talking about it - they will never go further. If it was going to it would of course have happened by now.

I'm quite sure you deserve better.

Go forward and meet someone who deserves your time - good luck!!!

user1479305498 Sat 26-Nov-16 19:45:00

he is either weird as hell or hes married/with someone and likes the odd ego boost

UnoriginalNN Sat 26-Nov-16 19:46:35

Ew, no.

He sounds like a loser. You do not want to fuck a loser.

Sorry if this is too blunt but honestly, just end it.

mumonashoestring Sat 26-Nov-16 19:51:33

He's using you. Every time he needs a little company, a few compliments, a bit of ego-boosting there you are. But he doesn't want a relationship. He doesn't want to be inconvenienced with your needs. He doesn't want to cook with you, wake up with you, spend time with you - he's getting sex elsewhere and at the moment you're providing for his emotional needs and getting fuck all in return.

Block him and concentrate your energies on meeting someone new.

PerpendicularVincent Sat 26-Nov-16 19:53:03

Do you genuinely believe that all you deserve is a man who has made no effort to meet you in 7 years?

I think you deserve a normal, supportive relationship. This isn't that.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 26-Nov-16 19:54:11

He is controlling you, and he's go you right where he wants you.
No sane human being would expect someone to wait several years before meeting them.
If he hasn't met you by now, he will never meet you (and that's an understatement).
Go cold-turkey and cut him off completely.
There was another thread exactly the same on here within the last six months or so - I don't know if it was you, but exactly the same advice was given - i.e. to cut him off and stop flogging a dead horse.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 26-Nov-16 19:58:59

No. Cut ties, and free yourself. This man is a bit weird at best.

Bagina Sat 26-Nov-16 19:59:33

This is really shocking. It must be an addiction of sorts. You have to go cold turkey and get back in the real world. He's a stranger; he's not part of your actual life. Please block him. You're going to kick yourself when you wake up from this. How can you even be bothered with the charade?

stumblymonkey Sat 26-Nov-16 20:06:16

<Klaxon sounds>

It's the CATFISH alarm.

He's not who he says he is. You need to block him and walk away.

Raineau Sat 26-Nov-16 20:07:40

He is an accountant and when I met him was out a few times a week with friends, now it's once or twice a week with him even driving across the country to meet friends he hasn't seen for so long which always makes me feel like shit. He even went to the Germany to visit friends when he can't drive 20 miles to see me. The times he arranged to meet me was a shit hole town ten minutes from his home which would have taken me an hour and a half to drive.
He doesn't talk freely about his family and friends unless I ask questions and when his sister in law had her baby I had to ask all the questions like what colour hair, the weight, he didn't send me a photo but put me on hold to send one to his friend. I'm not a monster so why would he turn down sex from a women that isn't half bad. He lives alone, and has done for the seven years. What is his deal? Why is he doing this?

CocktailQueen Sat 26-Nov-16 20:09:09

What's a catfish?? In this context?

Op, he's a loser. You haven't met him in seven years?! Think of all the time you could have been meeting someone else and spending real time with them, not virtual time.

Time to move on.

Nanny0gg Sat 26-Nov-16 20:11:07

Because clearly he enjoys keeping you dangling. Total power trip.

Don't talk, don't explain, just block.

jeaux90 Sat 26-Nov-16 20:12:20

Catfish is someone you meet online who isn't who they say they are or are not available for a relationship or who have no intention of meeting the other person.

tallwivglasses Sat 26-Nov-16 20:12:24

Why? Because he can. Because he's a cruel, heartless wanker. Get rid.

ValaMalDoran Sat 26-Nov-16 20:13:23

It's an online only relationship and I don't think it will ever be more. If it was a real relationship in his eyes he would have met you long ago. Seven years is a very very long time to not make any steps to bring the online relationship into reality.

Please look at why you've been happy with so little for so long. Then you need to move onwards and upwards. He could be an online friend but he's never going to be anything else. Don't waste your life expecting more.

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