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So upset with dh, not sure if I'm overeacting

(165 Posts)
WildNightsWithAndyDay Sat 26-Nov-16 13:56:05

Dh works long hours - out of the house 7am-10pm during the week. I'm sahm with a 4yo and 1yo.

Dh is notoriously difficult to buy gifts for. In the 10years we've been together I've never got more than a smile and a 'thanks' for any present I've got him and then it's never seen again. This year I for xmas I've got him tickets for us both to go and watch a sport he's interested in. I checked the date with him and he said it was fine. Tickets we very expensive (£1k for 2 tickets) and I've been squirrelling money away for months to make sure I had enough and could buy the tickets the day they were released. I was feeling so pleased with myself that I've finally found something that he'll definitely like for xmas. Last night he came home and was talking about our plans for Jan and said 'don't forget to keep Xth Jan free' and he said 'oh yeah, forgot to tell you I can't do that date you'll have to change it, work stuff I can't get out of'.

He wouldn't have even told me if I hadn't mentioned it. I haven't had a night out alone with him for 18months. I don't see him hardly Mon-Fri. I told him I'd put a lot of effort into organising this and he just said sorry but did t look bothered, more bemused that I was making a fuss. I just feel so fucking forgotten about.

WildNightsWithAndyDay Sat 26-Nov-16 13:56:32

Oh crap. That's quite long, sorry.

GeillisTheWitch Sat 26-Nov-16 13:59:43

I'd be upset too. Can you eBay the tickets and get your money back?

I think I'd stop trying to get presents for him if they're that unappreciated. Let the kids get him some novelty socks or something small to open.

TheStoic Sat 26-Nov-16 14:00:44

I'd be very hurt and upset too. But I probably wouldn't 'over react'. Is it possible to get a refund on the tickets? If so, I'd do that.

In future, just get him a card instead of gifts. He's obviously not a 'gift' person, so you're flogging a dead horse there.

Lelloteddy Sat 26-Nov-16 14:02:57

Does he know what the actual gift is how much you've spent?

Winniethepooer Sat 26-Nov-16 14:04:40

Sell the ticket ASAP or fo with a friend.

Stop bothering with Christmas presents for your dh. He clearly isnt interested.

Find a baby sitter & do some stuff by yourself, with friends/family.


NavyandWhite Sat 26-Nov-16 14:04:43

I would well pissed off. What is the work thing he can't get out of?

QuiltedAloeVera Sat 26-Nov-16 14:10:29

Does he know what the tickets are for?

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Sat 26-Nov-16 14:11:04

Is go with a friend.

WildNightsWithAndyDay Sat 26-Nov-16 14:11:08

No, I haven't told him how much I've spent just that I spent a long time sorting out something he'd really like and it can't be done on any other date (it can't, only one game a year in Europe).

It's just the last in a long line of things which make me feel so unimportant - no card for Mother's Day, standing me up for work when I'm already at the restaurant on my birthday and my mum had driven 350 miles to babysit, it's just a slow grind of so many little things that's just making me want to leave. I don't know, I'm just feeling sorry for myself.

I'm not going to sell the tickets. I'm going to go with a friend and we'll have a lovely time (I don't know the rules but I'm sure we'll pick them up!) I've already arranged a babysitter so I shall definitely be going out that night.

DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Sat 26-Nov-16 14:11:11


DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings Sat 26-Nov-16 14:11:47

Cross post, great minds and all that wink

WildNightsWithAndyDay Sat 26-Nov-16 14:12:27

The work thing is it's promotion day and he apparently needs to be seen to be supporting his team (he's not a manager or anything) by taking them out and getting shit faced.

Lelloteddy Sat 26-Nov-16 14:12:56

You really need to tell him what the gift is and how much you've spent though. He doesn't sound like he's into gifts and giving-some people just aren't but I don't think you can vilify him for this unless he knows how significant it is.

WildNightsWithAndyDay Sat 26-Nov-16 14:13:03

Lol doesanyone

SortAllTheThings Sat 26-Nov-16 14:13:12

Did you just check the date with him, or did you specifically say to keep it free? If you just asked about it then didn't say any more about it it's understandable that he forgot I think?

The issue isn't the present as such, is it. Why does work take over so much of his life? Do you talk about it?

SortAllTheThings Sat 26-Nov-16 14:13:53

Sorry, Xpost

rollmeover Sat 26-Nov-16 14:16:36

Honestly he's not really part of your family is he? You are just someone to do his washing and bring up his kids. I would be devastated if my husband stood me up In a restaurant or put work in front of this.

Go to the event with you friend, and start planning your exit strategy from this marriage!

WildNightsWithAndyDay Sat 26-Nov-16 14:17:36

He works in the city and is working all hours in the hope of early retirement. He's mid 30's now and hoping to retire at 50. By which point he will have missed out on our children's childhoods.

ememem84 Sat 26-Nov-16 14:18:47

Agree. Tell him what you've bought. he can then choose. Not ideal though.

If it was me I'd probably organise a baby sitter, would let him go to his work thing then go to the sport thing with a friend. And then take loads of pictures and plaster them on Facebook and send them to him.

Incidentally is it 6 nations?

Fantasticmissfoxy Sat 26-Nov-16 14:21:12

It doesn't sound like you have a husband, it sounds like you have a lodger. This incident on its own would be annoying but on top of the other stuff!? I think you need to find someone who will appreciate you. Does your husband realise that by the time he hits 50 he might not have a family around to enjoy retirement with?? 20 more years of being treated like a housemaid is more than I could take.

keepbreathinginandout Sat 26-Nov-16 14:26:06

because of problems with ticket touts, many venues insist on seeing photo ID when you present the ticket, to check that it's the original purchaser. so selling them probably isn't an option. Given how much the tickets cost I can guess at the event and FWIW i would tell him before xmas because my DH would literally shit his pants if i managed to get hold of a pair of tickets for this and pull the sicky of the century if need be.

GeorgeTheThird Sat 26-Nov-16 14:27:10

If it is six nations he'll probably end up watching on screen while you're actually there. Foolish man.

Simonneilsbeard Sat 26-Nov-16 14:29:49

I would stop buying him things..he sounds like an ungrateful twunt tbh.

KathyBeale Sat 26-Nov-16 14:31:24

I would just tell him what the present is.

And I'd also tell him that anything could happen between now and when he is 50. What if he dies young? Or gets early-onset Alzheimer's? I think life is unpredictable and often cruel and it's always better to live in the moment.

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