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DOES it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?

(8 Posts)
basketcasemother Sat 26-Nov-16 08:19:22

A bit of background, my h left me about five months ago after developing feelings for another woman. We have three children together and he was my best friend. He's the only man I've ever loved and although I am outraged at what he's done to us I still love him and miss him a lot.
We are on good terms he has been very fair in regards to money and kids and really can't do enough for us. I know I could never take him back but I really want him to realise what he threw away. I feel like my life was a lie and am so confused as to what we actually had together now. Everyone always says he will regret it, but will he? Has anyone had this happen to them and had their partner say it was a mistake after? I feel like I'm going mad

Aussiemum78 Sat 26-Nov-16 08:26:05

I understand. For me it was not another woman, I left him because I was sick of everything being one sided, he was always critical and I was lonely in the relationship.

He had everything. Great lifestyle, business I helped build, beautiful daughter, amazing home.

Since I left he's shacked up with another girl, has paid no child support, has not shown any appreciation that I've offered 50% and given him time to live in the house while he worked out what he was going to do (moved the girl in), didn't buy dd a birthday present but bought himself toys and overseas trips. Doesn't see dd at all now.

And I am doing the same - why wasn't our life together ever enough? Why wasn't I enough? Why isn't dd enough? He's just walked away like we were nothing and it hurts.

Aussiemum78 Sat 26-Nov-16 08:26:54

And I want him to regret it really badly...

Mybugslife Sat 26-Nov-16 08:38:34

My dd dad and I split when she was young. We were not right for each other but we did love each other dearly.
Nearly 4 years on he always says to me he wishes he had what I have now, a lovely home, an amazing fiancé and pregnant with another child. I'm not sure he means with me as such but just a family with someone nice.
I however look back, and although never regret us as a couple I'm glad that we didn't stay together. We have a much better relationship now as friends and parents and I sometimes I can't believe I went so many years being treated the way I did by him.

So Yes I do think it's true you don't realise what you had until it's gone, but it's not necessarily always meant in a 'I wish I had that back' kind of way.

Hopefully with time you will realise how he has treated you and realise you are better off. I'm sorry this had happened to you xx

User1528372638 Sat 26-Nov-16 08:38:45

its not always the case and I don't think it's healthy for your mind to fixate on this. My view of life being a bit older and having loved and lost a number of times is that unless you are lucky, in relationships one person loves more than the other. In your case it seems like it was you. It is human nature to want people to behave like you and be like you feelings wise but it's not always the case. Often a man will regret breaking his family up but not necessarily regret his choice in relation to the relationship he ended.

Blobby10 Sat 26-Nov-16 11:51:22

I can completely understand how you feel basketcase - my husband and I split very amicably after a long marriage when we both admitted to not enjoying one anothers company and dreading the following year when our children would have gone away to college/uni and it would be just us. He too has (in his eyes anyway) been very fair with money and we are still on very good terms, however there are times when I want to rant and rage because he has clearly moved on and is very happy without me!! Its a 'how dare he' sort of feeling - whilst I'm no less happy than when we were married, the split hasn't been great for me - I have all the responsibility of children, house, dogs etc (and the relative cost) whilst he had the freedom to do what he wants, when he wants and with whoever he wants!

No I dont want to get back with him I just want him to feel even a few regrets grin grin . I'm sure it will all level out when(if) I ever move on to someone else and that the anger/rage./frustration is directly related to needing a snog/shag/cuddle!!

basketcasemother Sun 27-Nov-16 09:33:55

Thanks for all the replies. I don't think I loved him more than he me (until now of course!) we were both he'd over heels but life got in the way.
I just don't know how you can be with someone for nearly twenty years, look after them and put them first and then not miss them at all.
I do think it's a man thing they seem so much more ready and able to detach sad

Aussiemum78 Sun 27-Nov-16 11:23:04

I think my ex might regret things sometimes - he's not better off without me, even though he was always putting me down I don't think he's trading up anytime soon...

But he will never admit it. His ego is too big

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