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How on earth do I help dh

(6 Posts)
Ljjdovebird Fri 25-Nov-16 22:09:10

I need to help dh....

He is suffocating under so much strain from our relationship and I feel guilty. I need some easy and quick 'tips' for small things I can do to alleviate the pressure on him.

I have mh issues. Severe PTSD and currently high anxiety levels. I do see a counsellor but it's a long process and often flashbacks happen when I'm not in a session
I also feel the need multiple times daily to go over what happened.

I am see it's wearing thin and although he supports me I can see he's tired of it. What can I do? I'm so deeply unhappy but I don't want to ruin my marriage because of this

How can I, even for a short time turn off these feelings and if I can't what can I do to lighten somehow the situation ?? I'm constantly distracted by it and it's a nightmare.
I follow him around a lot and I feel like an idiot it's like when he's here I need that security-to talk about it and be near another human

What can I do?

jeaux90 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:40:12

I didn't want to read and run. Just wondered whether you could also post in mental health thread? A friend of mine is married to someone with anxiety. It's a constant eggshell situation because if she shares normal information about work etc the partner then takes it on as part of their anxiety when actually all she wanted to do was share her day. I think she finds travelling with work a bit of a respite. I assume you both work?

iknowimcoming Fri 25-Nov-16 22:48:09

Sounds like you need to help yourself in order to help your DH really. If you need to talk about what happened multiple times per day could you call the samaritans or similar and offload on them rather than DH? It must be very hard for your DH to hear. I'd suggest you ask your counsellor for some strategies and explain how it's affecting your DH and marriage. Hope things improve for you both soon flowers

CocktailQueen Fri 25-Nov-16 22:53:52

How about keeping a diary? Is there anyone else you can talk to about this? Have you tried mindfulness or CBT?

Good for you for realising how much strain this must put on your dh.

NotTheFordType Fri 25-Nov-16 23:00:15

You definitely need to find another coping strategy other than "follow my DH around and repeat my traumatic experience(s) to him" because, well, you can see the effect that is having.

It's very difficult for someone who isn't trained in MH to try to help someone with issues, especially PTSD. Even trained MH professionals won't treat their own families, because it's so hard to remain detached and objective, which is what is needed.

How long have you been seeing your counsellor? Have you talked about this issue with him/her? If they are aware that this is your current coping mechanism, I'm concerned that they haven't encouraged you to find different ways to offload the anxiety and ground yourself during/after flashbacks.

Are you practising the usual flashback techniques such as physical grounding with things like rough textures, elastic bands, swaddling, plus re-visualisation?

Ljjdovebird Fri 25-Nov-16 23:03:23

I've been trying to work through things with my counsellor but I've got tonsich a low point that the focus of sessions for the foreseeable future is going to be mindfulness techniques, ways to calm down when flashbacks ovcurvetc as I seem to be in such a state of hyper awareness and it's awful

Poor dh though I'm making his life utter hell. He's snapped a couple of times and I can't blame him even I hate myself for doing this

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