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Being threatened with selling family home despite previous promises

(20 Posts)
Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 21:43:02

My ex left last year after over 27 yrs together. To cut a long story short, he ran off with 21 yr old barmaid, she left him. He is very sorry for himself. In the interim he has bought a house but is crippled my mortgage payments, maintenance, etc.

He has been trying to persuade me to sell house, despite promises he would not do so until children finished education. My children have struggled, but are now moving forwards positively. My son had to give up sixth form due to his father's desertion and the effect it had on him.

He is now on a college course and doing brilliantly, couldn't be prouder of his current achievements. I don't want to sell now, we are working towards doing this in another 18/24 months.

I have lost over 3 stone in weight, been on antidepressants, had counselling etc. I know in the long term we will have to move, but I can't manage it just yet. Our house is mortgage free, owned 50:50.

He is threatening he can force the sale. I have made an offer to buy him out, but he is greedy. My own dad is prepared to forgo his own hard earned capital to secure the security of myself and his grandchildren. I am prepared to liquidate every single meagre asset I have.

I am going to contact a solicitor next week, but to help me sleep, does anyone know if he can force it. I have done some research tonight, and think I may be protected by the Children's Act. I very nearly did something very stupid a couple of nights ago, contacted Samaritans and no longer feel that way.

I have tried so hard to maintain a civil relationship, but really I want to tell him where to go, only doing it for my children's sake, he might be a ** but he is their father.

happypoobum Fri 25-Nov-16 21:46:18

Are you married?

RandomMess Fri 25-Nov-16 21:47:08

The fact that you only need another 2 years in the property - I think it would take that long to force the sale AND the courts would want to keep the status quo for your DS. Especially when you have offered to buy him out and he's refused.

I think it's empty threats because he's pissed off. Forcing sale would cost him money and you could probably buy him out anyway!!!

SortAllTheThings Fri 25-Nov-16 21:48:57

How old are you children?

It'll take a year to force a sale.

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 21:49:39

Happypoobum, no, and that means the only asset I have is the house.

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 21:50:58

Sortallthethings, they are 19 and 17. One in first year BTEC, one first year A levels

EnormousTiger Fri 25-Nov-16 21:54:27

1. I assume you aren't married.
2. The first question a solicitor would ask is if you have an agreement or trust deed about ownership of the house.
3. Second question is it registered in joint names as tenants in common (and if so is it registered as 50% shares or a different percentage) or a joint tenancy.
4. If it is a joint tenancy which is ilkely I ould immediately sever the joint tenancy - you can do that by a notice to the Land Registry and your ex. Then make a new will leaving your share to your child. If you don't do that and die then your ex gets all the house. This step 4 is easy but important.
5. The question then is can the sale be forced? Eventually yes however you are right that under the Children Act the child needs to be housed and I agree with Random. So you should tell your ex court proceedings will cost a fortune, the Children Act is likely to mean your son can stay at home until he is finished with A levels (indeed university students ave home half the year or at least mine were and often come back to live after university too so may be you both want to ensure your son is housed even at that stage). So your ex may well see the point in just waiting.

If you have younger children too then even more reason to delay the sale until they no longer need a home. if the home is more than big enough though you still may need to sell it.

Could you buy out your ex even with your father's help? I do feel that makes sense and even if your ex's half is put in the name of the children which might placate your father more and would help reduce inheritance tax when your father and then when you die and might be more amenable to your ex. You and your father would need to be able to raise enough money though to buy out your ex's 50% share.

happypoobum Fri 25-Nov-16 21:57:39

OK, given the ages of the children and the fact you aren't married, I agree with Random sit tight and let him take any action he can afford to take.

It probably goes against the grain, but if you let him do all the running around, all the worrying and the phone calls, it will take the strain off you. Unless the solicitor sees him as a total mug, they will advise him against taking action as by the time it all got sorted you would be nearly ready to sell anyway.

It is possible, seeing as ex is already housed, that the courts would think you are entitled to more than half the equity whilst the DC are still in FTE but really your solicitor will advise you better than anyone here.

Don't let him bully you into doing anything silly. This too will pass. Trust in the process - better days are just around the corner. flowers

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:02:58

Tiger, I have changed to Tennant's in common, although I had to proove I had informed him, he did not return documents.

The house is 50:50, he does not dispute this.

My dad is providing the bulk of the capital to offer to buy him out. I have very little, as I was a stay at home mum for most of the last 19 years.

ToastieRoastie Fri 25-Nov-16 22:07:16

The step 4 that EnormousTiger highlighted is very important if you have a joint tenancy. The process really is simple - it was one of the first things I did when ex and I separated.

Other than that, sit tight and let him do the running and stressing. You concentrate on you and the DC. Is there anyone, like your DF, that could act as a buffer so that ex is not contacting you directly about the house? You can ask him to direct correspondence to your DF and he can filter out the abusive stuff and pass on only key messages.

Bluntness100 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:15:34

Your solicitor will confirm so you need to speak to them asap, but my understanding is the house can't be forced to be sold if there is dependant children. After that yes, it can. There is no legal requirement to provide a home for adult off spring.

However when a child stops being dependant is something I'm unsure of, and I thought 18 was the cut off, as this is the age of majority, but I'm unsure on that and education could play a part.

Your solicitor will confirm so you need to speak to them.

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:26:28

My DD is just 17, just started A levels. My DS is 19, just started BTEC as had to give up A levels. So I'm hoping that I understand things correctly and whilst they are in FTE ( started before age 19) he will find it really hard to force sale.

I have been really, really worried, even discussed with both children what they wanted.

My darling dad is being fantastic, and is now the most significant male in my children's lives. Sad, but true.

That he is willing to forgo his own personal interests in favour of myself and his grandchildren, reaffirms my faith in humanity and family.

My ex will eventually get his just desserts.

forumdonkey Fri 25-Nov-16 22:26:54

Can you afford to buy him out? I didn't think I could but my hand was forced due to my exh bad debts and I got a mortgage. It's been all mine for about 8 years. I got a 60/40 split because the dcs lived with me and he was desperate for the cash which was a great negotiation tool

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:33:52

I've offered 1/4 of value of house, for half value. I know unlikely to succeed, but he is actually right up shit creek, and it is all my dad and I can afford.

It would pay off his current mortgage though.

forumdonkey Fri 25-Nov-16 22:42:26

Do you work now OP? I know I had the upper hand with negotiation because he was desperate for the money. If your ex is it might work

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 22:45:36

I work part time, retrained (went through university level course in immediate aftermath of his desertion). He is desperate, after paying his mortgage, child maintenance, living costs, he has very little.

forumdonkey Fri 25-Nov-16 22:49:41

I don't know how old you are but have you spoken to a mortgage adviser? I've just remorgaged so it's my second mortgage in 8 years and I'm 47. My mortgage adviser was worth every penny.

BlueFolly Fri 25-Nov-16 22:58:10

When you said in your OP that he was 'being greedy' I didn't imagine that meant that he'd turned down an offer to buy him out that was 50% less than the market value.

Bubblebath01 Fri 25-Nov-16 23:09:44

Bluefolly, he has walked off with all the pensions accumulated. He promised initially to share equally, but has now backtracked to "some sort of maintenance if required".

The house is THE only chance I have of securing any future security.

BlueFolly Fri 25-Nov-16 23:13:18

Oh Christ - what a sickener! My ex DH would claim I took him to the cleaners because I got more than 50% of the house but would conveniently forget that he TOOK ALL THE FUCKING PENSION!!! I feel your pain!

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