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What would you want your kid's dad to do?

(11 Posts)
xyz321abc Fri 25-Nov-16 15:36:32

We have been happily married for 15 years and have a girl (9) and boy (13) and when I die I want to leave everything to my husband (to spend as he sees fit) but when he dies, if there is anything left, I want 100% to go to our children (not future partners or other children). This can be guaranteed through a mutual will (provided I have not been given notice by him that he has changed his mind and revoked our agreement). If I leave everything to my children he will have to live on half of what we have today. The dilemma is that he has a daughter (36) and son (37) from a previous marriage (divorced about 15 years before he met me). They are not close. His daughter and son were both educated privately and went to university (both funded by their mother and my husband). One has a high flying well paid career, the other is working on building their career. They both own mortgaged flats (deposits funded by their mother) and their mother will leave 100% to them. If I die and my husband leaves everything to his four children equally our two children will not be in the same financial position as his two grown up children. After our children's education, university and flat deposits have been funded there will be no significant money left for them from their 50 per cent share. Whereas, his children will have received a significant sum from their 50 per cent share (from their dad) and an additional significant sum from their 100 per cent share (from their mother) i.e. effectively inheriting significant sums twice. Dilemma, would you leave everything to your children (your kind and loving husband will suffer financially e.g. move to half a house and lose my income) or everything to your husband on condition he leaves everything to your children and a 'token of love and affection' to his children from a previous marriage (his daughter (36) and son (37) will disapprove, at best)?

RaingodsWithZippos Fri 25-Nov-16 15:47:32

My DH has two grown up children from his first marriage, and we have one 16 yo together. I intend to leave half my money to my son and half to my DH, but I would be supportive if he wanted to leave his money equally split between me and his three children. If I go before him I would presume he would want to split his money three ways. As it happens he isn't keen on leaving his eldest anything (they are estranged) but I think he should reconsider.

Inheritance is a funny thing. I just think that as parents you shouldn't favour one child over others, regardless of circumstances. That way lies hurt and resentment, and how will your child's brother and sister feel if they are cut out? But equally others will have different views.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 25-Nov-16 15:47:52

I would leave everything to my DD.
With the proviso that they both live in the house until such a time as they can afford to move out and not be hit too hard financially.
I would not leave my share to my OH.
As like you, he has more kids and would likely want to split equally which would mean that my DD would lose out.
No way!

Having said that, my mum and dad are splitting everything 4 ways, although my dad isn't the bio dad to my older half sisters.
And I wouldn't want it any other way.
They've been part of our lives since I was born and they are my sisters.

Take from that what you will!?

zzzzz Fri 25-Nov-16 15:50:26

I'd leave everything to dh.

littlewoollypervert Fri 25-Nov-16 15:55:43

Get your DH to take out a life insurance policy on himself so that when he dies there is some cash in the estate that he can leave to his two other children?

wherearemymarbles Fri 25-Nov-16 15:56:57

you really need to see a solicitor tell them everything you have said and get a proper will done. It migt cost £1000 depending where you live but otherwise you have little or control on what happens if go you 1st or visa versa.

But as an ideA you can give him life interest in your half of the estate. This means he stays in the house, can take interest out of investments etc. Then when he dies your half goes to whoevevr YOU have bequeathed it to. He cant change it.

The amount of shit a bad or ill thought will causes is immense!

BestZebbie Fri 25-Nov-16 21:20:39

You can't dictate how your DH wills money after you have left it to him, unless you set up a trust. You leave all your estate (minus gifts to charity or named items etc) to the trust, with your DH and your children as the beneficiaries. Your DH can then use any or all of the money for his own benefit, as can your children (but both need it to be approved by the trustees, so they can't just gamble it away etc) but when he dies the trust doesn't belong to him do he can't will it anywhere, and your children keep on using it until they have all died too.

xyz321abc Fri 25-Nov-16 23:49:30

many thanks for all your thoughts - appreciated.

RedMapleLeaf Sat 26-Nov-16 06:50:50

I think his older children's situation is irrelevant really, why shouldn't they receive the same from their dad as their half siblings?

I think that your DH should do what ever he wants with his will.

Livelovebehappy Sat 26-Nov-16 08:52:56

It really isn't fair what you're proposing. There could be all sorts of scenarios to this. For example what if his older DCs mother remarries, and her pot if she dies will go to her new DH, with her DCs not receiving anything? I could understand that you might leave your half of everything to your Dc, and in theory your DH would split his half between all of his Dc, but you can't dictate to your DH that he leaves nothing to his older DC. That would be mean.

Trifleorbust Sat 26-Nov-16 09:06:33

I don't see why what their mother leaves them has anything to do with what their father does with his assets. You are effectively proposing that your DH disinherit his older children and that he relies on his ex wife to provide for them. How is that fair? It isn't anything to do with your DH how much money his ex leaves in her will.

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