This is really hard for me to articulate and I’ve tried to change some of the more identifying details, if you recognize me, please don’t out me.
My DH is depressed and I don’t know how much more I can handle it. We’ve been together for 15 years, married for 5. He has one DS with an ex who is nearly 18. I have no DC.
DH has been on anti-depressants for over 3 years but is still the most miserable person I know. I know they aren’t a ‘cure’ but I honestly can’t see any difference. He refuses to go back to the doctor. Won’t go for counselling. Nothing ever makes him happy, he recently changed job that he tried to sell to me as the ‘answer to most of his problems’, well surprise, it isn’t. He’s now looking at other jobs with a significant salary drop – when I asked how we would manage, he went off on a strop. It’s so draining living with someone who has a face like a wet weekend, never wants to do anything or go anywhere.
We never have sex, been over 18 months now. If i bring it up, he accuses me of not being supportive. He also has another health issue that he doesn’t take seriously and has been hospitalized twice in the last year for. Life feels like a constant slog, I’m doing everything at home housework wise, paying for the majority of bills, always the one who organises everything to do with the house, extended family etc.
I’m tired of it. I feel like we’re more like flatmates and I certainly wouldn’t choose to live with someone who is so lazy and miserable. I know that’s really selfish of me but I’m now on anti-anxiety tablets myself and the root cause is him. I honestly feel like he uses depression as a ‘get out of jail’ free card, an excuse for everything. How long is reasonable to put up with it before suggesting we part ways? I look and it him sometimes and feel angry and frustrated at how miserable he’s making me. Reading this back, I realize how selfish I sound but I don’t know what to do anymore. Can I give him an ultimatum or is that unsupportive too?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Depressed DH - when to call it a day?
ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace · 25/11/2016 14:07
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.