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Work colleague continually gets my name wrong

(33 Posts)
flopsypopsymopsy Thu 24-Nov-16 22:57:50

I have quite a difficult relationship with a work colleague. I do my best to get on with her but she is critical and quick to point the finger. In short, I don't think she likes me very much!

We've worked together for the last couple of months and she continually gets my name wrong . For example, if my name was Christine she would either call me Christina or a completely different name starting with the same letter (i.e. Charlotte). The situation has gone from calling me the wrong name occasionally to getting it wrong all the time (more so in the last week or so). It is very wearing and now I'm fairly certain it's just her being passive aggressive.

Despite mentioning it a few times, I've been fairly good natured about it and have let it go over my head but I've decided that I need to knock it on the head now. I don't have this problem with anyone else except her. I also don't have a very complicated name which she could use as an excuse!

I'm not afraid of being assertive so will call her out on it directly if necessary.

Just wondering how other people would deal with the situation?

Joysmum Thu 24-Nov-16 23:04:47

I'd do the same to her with a big grin grin

ChuckGravestones Thu 24-Nov-16 23:08:19

just dont respond. If she says christina, or charlotte assume she means someone else. Dont even flinch. Then just say 'oh you mean me, my name is christine, sorry what did you want?'

flopsypopsymopsy Thu 24-Nov-16 23:08:51

I have considered that Joysmum but thought it would also be passive aggressive and stooping to her level!

flopsypopsymopsy Thu 24-Nov-16 23:08:51

I have considered that Joysmum but thought it would also be passive aggressive and stooping to her level!

TheMasterMurderedMargarita Thu 24-Nov-16 23:09:27

Play this until she gets the message.

youtu.be/v1c2OfAzDTI

TheMasterMurderedMargarita Thu 24-Nov-16 23:12:43

Sorry posted too soon.
Seriously the next time she does it is would say to her My name is X you know it's X as I have corrected you several times already. Unless you address me correctly from now on I will not respond. Then if she gets huffy you can call her whatever name you want. She'll soon stop it.

flopsypopsymopsy Thu 24-Nov-16 23:22:18

Thanks for the suggestions.

I think Chuck's suggestion would work best. Will do my best to ignore her/do the 'who me?' routine.

How I have called her Shithead so far I just don't know.

JustSpeakSense Thu 24-Nov-16 23:24:21

You need a name badge like this

Blodplod Thu 24-Nov-16 23:24:23

Agree with mastermurdered. Or simply be passive aggressive back and call her by the wrong name.. Not quite the same situation I know but I used to work with a guy who spelt my name wrongly in EVERY email. Let's pretend I'm called Vicky, I signed every email with Vicky and corrected him many times but he insisted in typing Vikkii (why???). His name was Andy so I started referring to him as Andii - he stopped almost immediately. Play em at their own game I say.. Also add a wee smile and a head tilt..

user1471950254 Thu 24-Nov-16 23:26:44

Does she do this with other people?

AmeliaLeopard Thu 24-Nov-16 23:37:02

Some people are shit at names. I tend to avoid using them unless I have time to consciously think about it because I almost always get it wrong. It must be hereditary because my mum is the same. I answer to a wide variety of names when she's talking to me (eg, Amelia, DSis1, DSis 2, DBro, DNephew etc).

However, if it is only you she is doing it to then be passive aggressive right back at her.

Myusernameismyusername Fri 25-Nov-16 00:27:22

Oh I probably would try have fun with it, hard as it is

'Email to team
This week I would like to be called Shaniqua'

flopsypopsymopsy Fri 25-Nov-16 05:51:49

There are seven of us and it's just me. sad

She does have a name with an ending that could be changed (Christine/Christina) so perhaps I will do that as well clutches at straws.

Amelia, my Mum is the same but that's come on with age. I regularly get called my DSis, DH, DBIL DN.... This is a bit different. Women is a bit older and is less liked by management which I think is where the problem possibly lies.

Just, I'm loving the name badge!

Expat38matt Fri 25-Nov-16 06:59:15

Nope sorry I think it's deliberate ! I'm also crap at names and if introduced will usually forget within minutes
However if I was in a small team of 7 and forgot your name would be mortified and would try to find out by other means before finding myself in an exposing situation!
If I got your name wrong once I think it's forgivable and would be mortified - would never ever get it wrong again after being corrected !
So what's the backstory that explains her motives? Have you taken a role she earmarked for herself for example ?
Long story short - it's deliberate to embarrass you - she has a reason even if not your fault !

ChuckGravestones Fri 25-Nov-16 08:23:26

She does have a name with an ending that could be changed Christine/Christina) so perhaps I will do that as well

No don't do this - people that wind you up by calling you the wrong name deliberately will not hesitate in playing the victim card and crying that you are bullying them by calling them the wrong name. She is playing a game, you just have to not rise to it by being completely indifferent to it.

JosephineMaynard Fri 25-Nov-16 08:26:49

Maybe try asking her, with great concern, whether she's seen anyone about her memory problems?

As she has been corrected multiple times about what your name actually is, but can't seem to remember it?

hellsbellsmelons Fri 25-Nov-16 08:35:02

Sorry but I would do the same in return.
It's not bullying.
It's just getting her name a bit wrong - ooopppsss, sorry about that...
<wry smile and head tilt>

I would also definitely ignore her when she gets it wrong.

Some people really just don't get it.
Me my sis had an 'Auntie' Pat.
Known us all of our lives (until she died, bless her)
She would always call my sister 'Christine' instead of 'Christina'
She just couldn't get it. No idea why. We just used to go with the flow.

HeyManIJustWantSomeMuesli Fri 25-Nov-16 08:38:43

Someone at work used to do this to me; it was an entirely deliberate way of trying to make them self look (too) important, I just completely blanked the wrong name (having already tried correcting/responding to wrong name etc) but was perfectly nice/helpful etc the rest of the time, it stopped quite quickly. I think people that are bad with names generally know they are therefore double-check before addressing someone.

SlottedSpoon Fri 25-Nov-16 08:39:03

Dinitely make yourself a name badge, or print out a photograph of yourself and mount it with your name written in bold lettering underneath. Wait until thereare other colleagues around and next time she does it, say (to the others) Anne, what is my name? Anne will laugh nervously and say 'Christine.'

'John, what is my name?' 'Christine.'

Go into your desk, bring out the photo, give it to your twatty colleague and say 'there you are. I made this for you. I am Christine. This will help you remember in future.'

LineyReborn Fri 25-Nov-16 08:48:04

Can anyone explain why people do this?

I had a colleague who did it to me. He was generally an ego-fuelled manipulative bully with a massive chip on his shoulder. I presumed he was trying to assert his dominance over me?

Arfarfanarf Fri 25-Nov-16 16:19:12

I think it's them saying you are so unimportant that they can't even remember your name. It's intentionally belittling and the best way to deal with it is to challenge it.

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming Fri 25-Nov-16 16:25:57

Maybe ask her if she has a particular condition that makes it hard for her to remember names, and then write it down for her in large letters, while she watches..be very, very kind and gentle in your tone - either it'll help her remember, or drive her nuts, it's a win win!

OurBlanche Fri 25-Nov-16 17:16:18

As Arf said, it is intentionally belittling, intended to let you kow you lowly place in their perceived pecking order.

Challenge her every time, as soon as she says the incorrect name say your real name. Don't shout it, just look her in the eye (if possible) and say your name, clearly.

If she says "Whatever" or something similarly dismissive, say your name again, a little more loudly, but still don't shout, maintain eye contact.

If she throws anythng back at you "Oops, did I say it wrong?" "Oh, I thought your name was...." just smile, rpeat your name, maintain eye contact!

If she says something to the room like " My god what is she on about?" say, "My name is X"

I played that game for 2 years with my very PA NQT. He had a unbelievably high opinion of himself, was incredibly rude yet very touchy and, to cap it all, was a total pratt when it came to anything official! He wouldn't apologise when he was wrong, made huge efforts to piss people off and was always surprised when someone in authority challenged his behaviour.

He knew my name full well - all 4 letters of it were on my name badge smile

ThePinkOcelot Fri 25-Nov-16 20:08:58

I get called Janet by one of my colleagues. It is nowhere near my real name.

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