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Meeting someone after separation

(8 Posts)
VictoriaandBump Thu 24-Nov-16 21:17:43

Hi, I'd like some advice on what's normal after a marriage ends. My 8 year marriage ended earlier this year and I moved out this summer. For me it was a long time coming, there was no affection or sex and we were like housemates muddling along for the sake of our 2 dc. We're both happier separated and we are co-parenting very amicably.

I recently discussed with a close friend that I was going for dinner with a guy at work who'd asked me out. She felt like it was far too soon and that I needed to be single for much longer and concentrate on myself and the kids. To clarify, I don't want anything serious as I don't want to jump into a new relationship too quickly. I'm a really independent person, and love living on my own. I would always make my intentions clear to anyone I dated and have no plans whatsoever to introduce anyone to my kids. Would appreciate opinions on this. Is it too early? Is it so wrong to want to have a bit of fun? I married very young and in the last few years my self esteem has taken a bit of a battering. It's nice to know someone is attracted to me but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. Advice appreciated pls.

Teepish Thu 24-Nov-16 21:22:58

Its up to you my love, if it feels right go for it. My marriage ended in the summer too, im actually in the same position.
Id love a very light, breezy romance right now. flowers

Unrequitedlove Thu 24-Nov-16 21:25:58

It's essential to have that bit of fun when you're ready. I think your close friend should be encouraging you to move on.. anyhow guess you're old enough to decide. You also don't need to explain yourself. Go for it!

Happybunny19 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:27:57

It's entirely up to you when you think you're ready to date again and not your friends business to tell you you're not ready. Fair enough for her to advise you to take things slowly and look out for you but that's it. Have fun.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 21:28:10

I think it depends on what feels right. I have been single a long time but my BF has only been separated a year. It did make me wary about how ready he was but he seems really together and handles it well. Just take it at your own pace

VictoriaandBump Thu 24-Nov-16 21:46:46

Thanks all for your responses. I was expecting to be told to rein myself in and stay away from men! Teepish, a light breezy romance sounds lovely! Hope you manage to find someone to have some fun with.

I'm going to go on this date, have some fun (hopefully) and not feel guilty.

To be fair to my friend she's not being judgemental, we've been best friend for over 20 years and she just worries about me getting hurt again.

Has anyone else never been single for an extended period of time? I met my husband when I was 22 and before then had the usual teenage flings. I'm not the clingy type at all, like my own company, financially independent etc. But I also like male company!

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 21:49:13

I didn't feel I made good choices when I wasn't single long because I didn't know what I wanted and was easily tempted by just having company and attention

user1475501383 Fri 25-Nov-16 18:31:41

Nobody else's business but yours. TBH your friend sounds like a downer and a real cow I used to think was a good friend of mine. Some women seem to have severe issues with jealousy that they 'cleverly' disguise as 'caring/helping'. I finally dumped said friend when she was shouting abuse at me on the phone and calling my DP my 'new accessory' good riddance

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