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relationship issues

(18 Posts)
user1479866731 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:10:56

My partner of 8 years, age 28.... in his spare time likes to meet up with his friends. Pretty normal, however when he is out they tend to meet up and go for a drive whilst doing balloons. By balloons I mean sucking nitrous oxide out of them to get high. I just think its pathetic and embarrassing that a grown man wants to do that in his spare time. we often argue about it and he says its just a way to make him feel better when he is stressed. I know people will probably think leave him but its easier said than done when you care about someone. I would say he does this happens maybe once, twice a week maximum and not sure how I can get him to stop.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 21:39:30

Isn't this dangerous?
I agree it's totally ridiculous behaviour.
Apart from telling him you aren't going to put up with this anymore I don't know what to suggest. There are many other ways of letting off steam - sport? The gym? But clearly his friends like this too so it's a social thing...but possibly he's addicted to the feeling which would scare me, I mean what else would he try for the feeling?

You need to talk to him. Do you have kids?

FuckingHellz Thu 24-Nov-16 21:42:17

I think this is the G and A you have when in labour.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 21:45:36

That's entonox which is a weaker version than pure nitrous

Prawnofthepatriarchy Thu 24-Nov-16 21:48:28

It's not the balloons that would worry me. It's the driving. Driving on drugs is dangerous and illegal.

Holly90 Thu 24-Nov-16 21:52:33

If he cares about you enough he can pursue other safer options of relieving stress (that also won't put pressure onto your relationship and cause conflict) Maybe he is addicted to it? Have you asked him is he addicted?

CarbeDiem Thu 24-Nov-16 22:06:17

If he's immature enough to think driving while high is a good idea then sadly you won't be able to get through to him.
He needs reporting to the police. He is a danger to innocent people and an arsehole.

user1479866731 Thu 24-Nov-16 22:10:29

yes its much stronger than entonox, which is 50% oxygen. Yes I have asked him if he is addicted and he says no but then every time he goes out and I call him I can hear it in his voice as it makes you speak funny. I just get really angry and hang up and then we argue when he gets home and he says I give him a hard time. But I just can't help feeling disgusted by it and embarrassed that thats my partner who enjoys to sit in carparks doing balloons. None of my friends partners do this it just infuriates me. He socialises with his younger sisters bf who's 21 so it just screams immaturity. Im upset because I feel like apart from this we are in a good place.

cheekyfunkymonkey Thu 24-Nov-16 22:15:46

He's a child. It doesn't matter how old he is. Do you really see a long term future?

Holly90 Thu 24-Nov-16 22:19:09

Sounds as if he is denying it too himself that he is addicted. I strongly believe if you truly love someone you can change fucked up habits like his. Yes it's immature... extremely! Dangerous too! I don't blame you for feeling the way you are. I'd personally give him an ultimatum, he's being a selfish self centered arse!

Hidingtonothing Thu 24-Nov-16 22:22:47

You could issue an ultimatum, stop or I'll leave, thing is you have to be prepared to put your money where your mouth is and go through with leaving or the ultimatum is pointless.

All you can ever do when a partner is behaving in a way you find unacceptable is make it clear that it will come down to a choice between the behaviour or you. How many chances you give and how much effort you're prepared to put in to helping or persuading them is entirely up to you but you can't force someone to choose you.

It comes down to having the courage of your convictions and enough strength and self respect to walk away from something you really can't live with in a partner if they refuse to change.

user1479866731 Thu 24-Nov-16 22:23:39

Thank you for feedback everybody. Its just good to speak to others because sometimes I wonder if i'm being controlling in telling him what he can't do but I really don't like it.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 22:29:23

I think being controlling would be trying to stop someone doing something perfectly reasonable and harmless, seeing friends or controlling their money. This is different but you don't have to put up with it either

Hidingtonothing Thu 24-Nov-16 22:36:50

Relationships should be about compromise and it's not unreasonable to ask him to stop something potentially harmful or which you find unacceptable in a partner. As I said you can't force him to stop but there's nothing unreasonable or controlling about having boundaries about what you will accept in a partner. If he won't compromise you can only conclude he's prioritising balloons above you and the relationship and you'll have to decide whether that's something you can live with, I know I couldn't.

Prawnofthepatriarchy Thu 24-Nov-16 22:42:12

It may be immature, but that's a failing a lot of people in their 20s have. You could finish with him and end up with a footie fanatic or someone who plays rugby with the lads every weekend, followed by the pub. Or... Actually I can think of lots of fairly juvenile hobbies blokes (and some women) get up to.

As for addiction, I don't think you can be addicted to nitrous oxide. The driving would be the problem for me. It's dangerous.

What's important, surely, is not whether it's wrong per se, but whether it's wrong for you. If you're not happy you're going to have to tell him to stop or be dumped.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 22:47:43

You get addicted to the feeling of getting high. It's not like an optiate addiction it's addiction to a sensation

RosieThorn Thu 24-Nov-16 22:48:47

I strongly believe if you truly love someone you can change fucked up habits like his

No, no you can't. If you truly love someone you might have the strength to stand by them whilst they work to change themselves, but you have no power at all to change him if he doesn't want to change. Don't waste your life believing if you just love him more he'll change - that way madness lies. Decide whether you can live with it or not, if the answer is not tell him that and if he doesn't make changes leave. That may not be the advice you want to hear but it is the only way you have a chance at being properly happy.

Myusernameismyusername Thu 24-Nov-16 22:55:15

He has to want to change it for it to be able to be changed!

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