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Not my place to say, just wish I did'nt know

(14 Posts)
rustyunicorn Thu 24-Nov-16 19:19:19

DH is very close to his cousin. Cousin is happily married to his wife and they have an 8 year old son.

I have a friend who's next door neighbour is a single man. Cousin's wife has know this single man for years and I have regularly seen her car in his drive and never thought anything of it, at the end of the day people are entitled to have friends.

However, the other day I happened to mention cousin's wife in a conversation with my friend. Friend seemed surprised when I said she was married to DH cousin. My friend said she always assumed she was single and the neighbours girlfriend because whenever she is round his, his bedroom curtains shut as soon as she arrives and are opened again when she leaves. She has also seen them kissing and hugging in the garden!

I am never one to poke my fingers in anyone else's fire but I really wish we had never had this conversation because I just can not stop thinking about it. I am shocked and can not believe its gone on this long with DH cousin oblivious to it all sad

It could be completely innocent but friend says this has gone on for around 5 years or more.

I haven't said anything to DH no doubt he will go straight to his cousin with this.

I have got to block it out and pretend I haven't had this conversation with friend - haven't I?

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 24-Nov-16 19:21:00

Sorry but I would have to say something.

rustyunicorn Thu 24-Nov-16 19:25:54

There is a part of me that wants to but I also don't want to be the one to burst the bubble and to watch the aftermath sad

Moondance87 Thu 24-Nov-16 19:34:47

Have you ever said to the cousin that you her 'friends' neighbour? If she knows then she is leaving herself open to getting caught if that is what this is
could your friend be witnessing another woman and getting her confused with your dh cousin?

Moondance87 Thu 24-Nov-16 19:35:37

You know her friends neighbour

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 24-Nov-16 19:41:47

It is horrible, but all I can go from is my DH experience.

A friend knew his exW was having an affair but didn't say anything.

He was really upset when he found out later that they knew but didn't say anything.

Bluntness100 Thu 24-Nov-16 19:42:29

Sorry, I'd leave it, worse case I'd say to the wife what you heard. But things like this have a habit of back firing and if there is a mistake being made your husband and his cousin and even you and your husband may not recover from it. You're contemplating throwing a hand grenade into someone's marriage based on no more than a nosy neighbours gossipy assumptions.

Cricrichan Thu 24-Nov-16 19:50:49

I would find out if it was definitely the case (seems odd to me that your friend keeps an eye on a neighbour's curtains - Ive lived here for 9 years and I've never once checked a neighbour's curtains) and if it was confirmed that it was true I'd confront the wife and then decide my next step.

baconandeggies Thu 24-Nov-16 19:57:48

You should tell your DH and have a chat about any next moves. I'd be devastated if relatives knew I was being taken for a mug and didn't want to interfere because they were scared of the fallout. I'd feel utterly betrayed.

rustyunicorn Thu 24-Nov-16 20:16:26

This is the problem I have been wrestling with in my mind. If this were happening to me, behind my back, and I then found out someone knew, I would be crushed.

BTW, the reason my friend and I got on to the conversation of the cousins wife is due to the fact we were out walking my dog and passed cousins wife, I said 'hello' and afterwards friend told me what she knew etc.

rustyunicorn Thu 24-Nov-16 20:19:00

Think I am going to have to mention this to DH. I hate lying and need to get it off my chest. This is why I could never cheat myself. I really don't know how people don't get consumed with the guilt, regardless if they are in a happy marriage or not. How do they do it?

abbsisspartacus Thu 24-Nov-16 20:35:50

Cant you go to neighbours house and have a nose? Make sure your right to say something it would be awful if you made a mistake

Wazzler Thu 24-Nov-16 20:55:06

Stay out of it it has nothing to do with you
You never know what goes on in other people's marriages

baconandeggies Thu 24-Nov-16 22:09:55

This is why I could never cheat myself

Oh god - even the thought of the guilt brings me out in a cold sweat! Just tell your DH what you know - you're not in charge of verifying the 'evidence' or assuming the cousin already knows all about it.

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